News13 mins ago
A picture of the toilet.
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I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son." "Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad." He scratched his head, "No, but I brought you up,...
I swapped my wife's sweet wrappers around today and she really got her Snickers in a Twix....
A man walks into a fruit and veg shop, in Dublin and asks "How much is that orange?" "£1" replies the fruitier. "At Pauls fruit and veg, near the abattoir, they only charge 50 pence" " Well go and buy...
There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these...
I've noticed that to compensate for the high levels of fuel duty, filling stations are to start showing porn films on the fuel pump screens. It's so you can see someone else being screwed as well as...
..just your power bill that's high.
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Did you know that you don't need a parachute if you want to go skydiving?
You only need a parachute if you want to go skydiving more than once....
Two guys chatting in a bar. 'My wife keeps hinting about a sexy gift she wants,' one says. 'She said it begins with D and ends in O, and vibrates in a pleasing way.' 'Blimey ,' the second guy gasps....
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?" HARRY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time." __________ TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his...
A guy manages to get this hot girl back to his house, and they’re ripping off each other’s clothes when she notices the scars on his knees. “Oh when I was a kid I contracted kneesles,” he explains....
,, millipedes don't own laundromats
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Little girl comes home from a day out with her grandparents. “Daddy, I saw a steamer in the harbour today!” “That’s nice, sweetheart.” says her Dad, “Was it a big one?” ”It was huge.” she replied. “A...
A love poem from an Aussie man: Of course I love ya darling You're a really top notch bird And when I say you're gorgeous I mean every single word So ya bum is on the big side I don't mind a bit of...
Her... I was dreaming that I was in Tescos.
Him...I was dreaming that I was with three women.
Her... Was I there?
Him...No. You were at Tescos....
It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just...
A British man was killed by a shark while on his honeymoon in Australia.
Reports say he didn't suffer too long...
As he was only married 3 days!...
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought turkey sandwiches every day!...
because of the fuel crisis chris rea has started walking home for christmas already...
Stealing someone's coffee if called mugging The other day I held the door open for a clown - it was a nice jester Pasteurize: Too far to see No matter how much you push the envelope it will still be...
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