Mps Have Voted In Favour Of Assisted...
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A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a long day's trip, he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a...
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his John Thomas in preparation for sex with his wife. Johnny's father, in...
I was having a smoke outside the pub when some dude in a wheelchair said, "Why do you smoke when you don't have to?" I looked at him and asked, "Why are you wearing shoes?"...
A chap's waiting at the lights in his Jag just behind a learner and just in front of a police car. The lights turn green. The learner stalls. The lights turn red. The lights turn green again. The...
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. The woman's husband also...
At the Golf Club at the weekend there was an unfortunate accident. Two ladies were enjoying a quiet game and had just teed off when one of the ladies was hit in the head with a wayward golf ball,...
An Australian walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and...
Council engineers Luke and John were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Luke,...
Whilst on manoeuvres, the crew of a naval vessel were getting very bored. The captain decided entertainment was needed. Knowing one of the crew professed to be an amateur magician, he decided to put...
Love, lust and marriage: LOVE -When you write poems about your partner. LUST -When all you write is your phone number. MARRIAGE -When all you write is cheques. LOVE -When your only concern is for your...
I went into a BP garage and said 'Can I have a can of petrol for my BMW please?'. The attendant thinks for a minute and says 'Sure, it seems like a fair swap to me''
An aggressive budgerigar announced “I’m the greatest budgie in the world”. To challenge this theory, the owner placed the pet into the cages of a series of other birds of increasing size. The budgie...
When God created Adam and Eve, he said to them: I have two gifts to give you, one gift peeing while standing and .. Adam, very excited, interrupted her and screamed Man... Man.... I want it please...
I quickly parked my car at the high street to pick up a bit of shopping from local shops. When I returned 15 minutes later, I was chuffed to see somebody had left me a note congratulating me on my...
Just an observation, if you look at the definitions of the words vision and sight in a dictionary then you get pretty much the same, however if you tell a woman that shes a vision its not quite the...
I just can't stand those Russian dolls, they're just so full of themselves
A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Colleen has been very difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she...
A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex." The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is...
Queen Elizabeth II was visiting one of New York's finest hospitals and during her tour of the wards she passed a room where one of the male patients was masturbating. "Oh God," said the Queen, "that's...
This young lad played dominoes with his workmates every lunchtime, and every lunchtime he'd win. He walloped 'em; he beat them hollow. Well, one day, the lads had had enough. After their dominoes...
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