Oooh My Christmas Present Just Came
ChatterBank0 min ago
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist - he insulted me terribly this...
After years working as a railway porter, Tom gets an interview for the post of assistant signalman. At the interview he is told that there are two trains heading straight for each other at 100MPH what...
Two not very bright chaps decide to run a pub but fail miserably.
One of them suggests opening a brothel but the other is of the opinion that if they couldn't sell beer they'd never sell soup....
Wee John was always in trouble at school because of his bad behaviour and swearing. One day he came home and asked his Granda "what a have you got from the the bl***y war Granda" ... " Look John stop...
One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor. Doctor: "What was your dream about?" Blonde: "I was being chased by a vampire!" Doctor: (giggles quitely) "So......
A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot. "No way! No needles. I hate needles", the patient said. The dentist starts to hook up...
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says. A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she...
A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper. "Where does poo come from?" she asks. The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is...
Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The husband called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them...
Joe took his blind date to the funfair. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," said Kim. They ambled over to the 'weight guessed'. He guessed 120 pounds. She got...
Someone I used to know told me he has a new job as a hit man. He's making a killing..
Prince Charles was driving around the Windsor Castle estate when he accidentally ran over his mother's favourite corgi, crushing it to a pulp. He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass,...
Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help in running the country. Stalin says, "Round up all the democrats and shoot them and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."...
A bloke walks into a bar, in a strange town, with a small crocodile under his arm, and asks the barman for a Guinness and a cherry on a stick. soon as the barman sees the croc' he asks him to leave....
Joe has not been feeling very well for a while, tired, wheezy, run down generally knackered so he goes of to see the doctor The doctor prods and pokes, takes the usual samples, and tells Joe to come...
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for £20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was...
An old bloke hires a hitman to kill his wife of 40 years.
The hitman says, "I'll shoot her just below the left boob."
The husband replies, "I want her dead not kneecapped."...
Male Patient: "Doctor, can you prescribe me three Viagra tablets, please?" Doctor: "Er, well, actually I'd rather not...it's not really a good idea to prescribe, well, so many in one go." Male...
A Bloke turns up at the local bus depot to start as a driver. He's shown how to change the numbers and destination signs, how to operate the doors, and how to issue tickets on the machine. "Ah, I...
My therapist told me that I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
Well, wee'll soon see about that!...
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