Mps Have Voted In Favour Of Assisted...
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One Sunday a vicar told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the...
On a recent visit by the queen to our local hospital Her majesty required that she meet some patients. The patients were informed of this and told to mind their behaviour. The queen approached the...
I'd like to thank my Hispanic friend for translating the word "mucho" for me, it means a lot....
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a...
I went to see my doctor this morning. “Some one decided to graffiti my house last night!” I raged. “So why are you telling me?” the doctor asked. “I can't understand the writing,” I replied. “Was it...
Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory when Ed glanced over and noticed that Ted's penis was twisted like a corkscrew. "Blimey," Ed said. "I've never seen one like that before."...
Very tongue in cheek. In England, they will take a tree, cut it down, remove the branches and the bark until they are left with a cylinder. Next, they will take the cylinder of wood and turn it on a...
I had to call a mechanic out to look at my car this morning, "What's the damage, pal?" I asked. "It reminds me a lot of Oscar Pistorius," he said as he rubbed his hand over the bonnet. "Why is that?"...
They had a vote on the best flag at Glastonbury, ( its true) it read
" This Is A Work Event" :)))...
A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me." Confused, the father asked what...
A widowed lady, Sarah, was sitting on a beach towel on Rhyl Beach. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, spread his blanket on the sand nearby, and had begun reading a book....
I bought a train ticket and the driver said "Eurostar" I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin. ___ I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny, you couldn't swing a cat in...
Found on the Noticeboard
There will be a procession next Sunday afternoon in the grounds of the Parish Church. If it rains in the afternoon the procession will take place in the morning....
Did you hear about the pear that fell from the tree and got impaled on the spike of a railing ?.
The damage was irreparable...
breaking news: police officers attend a murder sceen in a village, suspected death of a diliveroo driver when asked why they thought the man worked for diliveroo, one of the officers clarified: it's...
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My wife asked me why i spoke so quietly at home. I told her i was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening. She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.
Commentator bloopers: Rugby Commentator: "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him." Motor Racing commentator: "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it...
I asked my North Korean friend how life was over there. He said he couldn't complain. Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes. Kleptomaniacs take things literally. My grandfather has the heart...
A guy is out for a walk on a nice summers day. As he is walking down a country lane, a horse puts his head over the fence and says 'I won the Grand National last year'. He assumes he is hearing...
