Mps Have Voted In Favour Of Assisted...
News1 min ago
A woman was driving her buggy to town when a patrol officer stopped her. "I'm not going to book you," he said, "but I just wanted to warn you that your rear reflector is broken and it could be...
Chap driving down a country lane late at night when the engine dies. So he gets out and does what everyone does - opens the bonnet and peers inside it. Then he hears a voice say "it's your...
Two magistrates were stopped and arrested for cycling home from the pub while drunk. They decided to hear each other's cases, so as to keep the penalties to the minimum. The first magistrate heard the...
There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females. He hired a French guy who didn't speak...
A man shot two bears and thought he should have them stuffed. He went to a taxidermist. " I would like these stuffed please", " certainly sir, would you like a nameplate with them?", "yes please",...
Q; What 's E.T. short for? A; Because he has little legs. Q; Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? A; Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat. Q; Why can't dinosaurs...
The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 quid. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there...
My wife and I had words, But I didn't get to use mine. The irony of life is that, by the time You're old enough to know your way Around, you're not going anywhere. God made man before woman so as to...
Two Irishmen are walking past a shop in London when they see a sign in the window:- Mens suits £2.50 Mens trousers 50p "Come on Mick" says Paddy, "This is our chance to make fortune back home" "We'll...
Farmer Giles gets a call from his farm hand... "I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor I think it's still alive!" "Shoot it" he tells him "and bury him." 10 minutes later he gets another...
"The Daily Mirror is read by the people who think they run the country. The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country. The Independent is read by people who aren't sure who...
An octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play ANY musical instrument you like". The Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays like Jimmy Hendrix. The Irishman gives him a piano which he plays...
Nelson Mandela was sat at home enjoying a cold Castle Beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it , he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling. " You...
A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would come in with him and be a...
Just read that Paddington has been put on a flight to Rwanda. Priti Patel discovered he is a Peruvian immigrant who landed by boat. Aaaww, send him to Scotland, we love Peruvians.
One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever. The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy...
The Government's rush to move back to old measures has hit a snag - Number 10 is reluctant to adopt [i] scruples [i]...
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any...
An Airline starts a new concept of having a chef on Board the plane. This demanding passenger walks up the aisle and tells the hostess, "Let me get a cheeseburger, not too rare, not too well done, but...
How people in Scotland cope with cold weather. 40°F - Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Scotland sunbathe. 35°F - Italian cars won't start. People in Scotland drive with the windows down....
Latest Posts
Other Sports8 mins ago
News14 mins ago
When Exactly Was Louise Haigh's Fraud...
News16 mins ago
Technology25 mins ago