Quizzes & Puzzles2 mins ago
I went to Kipling Zoo yesterday. Not overly impressed but they did have exceedingly good snakes. ________________ I went to the toilet at McDonalds and the sign said "Employees must wash hands" I...
He looks down at the black member and says, "What do you feed that on?"
"Beens." is the reply.
"Baked beans."
"No. Human beings."...
There was a black man standing at the urinal having a pee. A little white man stands next to him, unzips, takes it out and does the business. He looks down at the black man's member and notices that...
An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at...
I've just come back from my Chiropractor. He's such a nice chap and he's got a great sense of humour.
He's always pulling my leg.....
A teacher walking round the class noticed a pool of 'water' under a little girl's desk. "What happened here," she asked gently? The little girl said: "Sorry miss I wet myself." "Well why didn't you...
For protection, my father bought me a German Shepherd dog. Now most people call their dog Rover or Ben, but I decided to name mine Sex. When he ran away one night and I was out looking for him, a...
A Chinese couple get married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is not too experienced either. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses He climbs in next...
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to...
A rather confident 007 walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks,...
A negative person sees the glass of water half empty.
A positive person sees it half full.
A realist adds two shots of whisky, a cube of ice and says "Cheers"...
Boris Johnson called Rishi Sunak into his office and said," Rishi, I have a great idea! You are going to go all out to win back Middle England." "Good idea PM, how will we go about it?" said Sunak....
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local bar. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while, the lights would go out. Each time this happened,...
Today I went to the Patent Office to try to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal...
One day Daddy balloon had a chat to his son, Baby balloon. "You're old enough now, son, to sleep in your own bed all night. There'll be no more climbing into Mummy and Daddies bed. Do you understand?"...
Air Force One arrived at Heathrow and President Trump strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a...
Two Irish hunters get a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bag six. As Paddy and Mick start loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot says, "The plane can only take four of those."...
The real PMS syndrome: 1. Pass My Shotgun 2. Psychotic Mood Shift 3. Perpetual Munching Spree 4. Puffy Mid-Section 5. People Make me Sick 6. Provide Me with Sweets 7. Pardon My Sobbing 8. Pimples May...
Tell people that there is an invisible man in the sky who created the universe and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them that the paint is wet and they have to touch it to be sure........
The price of petrol is so expensive I have started to use vodka in the lawnmower. Not the grass is half cut! ___________ My wife wants me to blow air on her whenever she overheats, but honestly... ......
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