One World Built On A Firm Foundation
Music1 min ago
Good bye answerbank
2435 Answers
Since Naomi will not give me the ****ing key I have decided to follow Jesus and be a Christian just like Theland. I am ashamed of my past history here so I'm going to devote the time I used to spend on ab to reading the Bible. No question really because I no longer care about what people think. I'll get all my answers from God from now on thank you.
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Great Heart, I love you!
I wish you could be here to sort me out.
A month ago, my third eledest, my son, told me he was gay.
I didn't believe him and thought he was confused about his sexuality. He is 21 and adamant.
He goes to gay clubs and it is confusing me. I cannot just accept it.
My daughters' marriage hit the rocks, she had an affair with a Pakistani guy. She ended up pregnant.
The baby is due in mid October. She and her husband are back together again, but they do not know who the father of the baby is.
God bless my son n law for his forgiveness, but until the birth, well, who knows? Social taboos.
I'm just running away and getting pi$$ed to ease the pain.
I can't cope!
I wish you could be here to sort me out.
A month ago, my third eledest, my son, told me he was gay.
I didn't believe him and thought he was confused about his sexuality. He is 21 and adamant.
He goes to gay clubs and it is confusing me. I cannot just accept it.
My daughters' marriage hit the rocks, she had an affair with a Pakistani guy. She ended up pregnant.
The baby is due in mid October. She and her husband are back together again, but they do not know who the father of the baby is.
God bless my son n law for his forgiveness, but until the birth, well, who knows? Social taboos.
I'm just running away and getting pi$$ed to ease the pain.
I can't cope!
Theland, I see. Well, wellie boots on for the proverbial kick up the High Street - and Luna can tell you how fearsome my wellie boots are when they come tramping up your High Street! They've meandered up his many, many times! Luna - tell him!!
Right, come on now, let's look at this rationally. First of all, stop panicking, because you can cope - you know you can. Put the booze away, sit down quietly, take a deep breath and look at it logically. So your son is gay. So what! What's so terrible about that? It's no big deal. I know quite a few people whose sons are gay, and one or two whose daughters are too - and like most parents they were all upset and confused when they first found out, so your reaction is quite normal. One couple, devout bible-thumping Baptists (who are not just God-fearing, they're God-absolutely bl00dy petrified) were devastated when their son told them. They prayed continually, and made every excuse in the book for his 'condition', so sure he would be 'cured'. That was several years ago, and although it still sits uncomfortably with them, and they'd rather it wasn't so, they love him and they've learnt to accept it - because the alternative would have been to lose their son. That's what we parents have to do - accept our children for what they are. Being gay isn't a choice, Theland. This is who your son is. He's not a mass murderer, he doesn't go around beating up and robbing old ladies, or stabbing people - he's simply gay - and that isn't a crime. And if you're worrying about God, then don't. If you believe that God made us, then logically God must have made your son who he is, and he must have had his reasons for doing so, so you can put that one behind you right now.
continued...
Right, come on now, let's look at this rationally. First of all, stop panicking, because you can cope - you know you can. Put the booze away, sit down quietly, take a deep breath and look at it logically. So your son is gay. So what! What's so terrible about that? It's no big deal. I know quite a few people whose sons are gay, and one or two whose daughters are too - and like most parents they were all upset and confused when they first found out, so your reaction is quite normal. One couple, devout bible-thumping Baptists (who are not just God-fearing, they're God-absolutely bl00dy petrified) were devastated when their son told them. They prayed continually, and made every excuse in the book for his 'condition', so sure he would be 'cured'. That was several years ago, and although it still sits uncomfortably with them, and they'd rather it wasn't so, they love him and they've learnt to accept it - because the alternative would have been to lose their son. That's what we parents have to do - accept our children for what they are. Being gay isn't a choice, Theland. This is who your son is. He's not a mass murderer, he doesn't go around beating up and robbing old ladies, or stabbing people - he's simply gay - and that isn't a crime. And if you're worrying about God, then don't. If you believe that God made us, then logically God must have made your son who he is, and he must have had his reasons for doing so, so you can put that one behind you right now.
continued...
....continued
Of course you're worried that he's visiting gay clubs, but going to gay clubs is no different to going to any other club. It doesn't mean he's going to become promiscuous any more than anyone going to any club would necessarily become promiscuous. It's simply a night out - that's all.
I've no doubt it's taken enormous courage for him to tell you, and you should be proud of him for that. Imagine the anxiety he must have experienced. Theland, just take a step back from your initial panic reaction, and see the situation for what is really is. He hasn't changed - he's still your son - so love him and give him the emotional support he needs - as you always have. That's all you have to do. As for a social taboos, being gay isn't a social taboo these days - and if petty-minded, sanctimonious, interfering old busybodies think it is, I'd say to hell with what they think. You owe them nothing. (Cor, I'm getting mad just thinking of that! Better get on to the next problem. See you in the next post).
Of course you're worried that he's visiting gay clubs, but going to gay clubs is no different to going to any other club. It doesn't mean he's going to become promiscuous any more than anyone going to any club would necessarily become promiscuous. It's simply a night out - that's all.
I've no doubt it's taken enormous courage for him to tell you, and you should be proud of him for that. Imagine the anxiety he must have experienced. Theland, just take a step back from your initial panic reaction, and see the situation for what is really is. He hasn't changed - he's still your son - so love him and give him the emotional support he needs - as you always have. That's all you have to do. As for a social taboos, being gay isn't a social taboo these days - and if petty-minded, sanctimonious, interfering old busybodies think it is, I'd say to hell with what they think. You owe them nothing. (Cor, I'm getting mad just thinking of that! Better get on to the next problem. See you in the next post).
Now to your daughter. Your son in law knows the baby may not be his, so your daughter isn't living in fear that her secret will be revealed to her husband and family with the birth of the baby - so what's the problem? Life happens. A break in a marriage, an affair that didn't work out - so what? We all make poor choices at times, and we often regret those choices, but no one's perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Yours is a close and loving family - and when this baby is born, it will be loved - and I'll bet my bottom dollar, it will be as precious to you as your other grandchildren are. If the baby does turn out to be the child of an affair, then so be it. It really doesn't matter whether it's black, white, green, or purple. A baby is a baby and should be loved. Nothing else is important. As for social stigma, other people's opinions are irrelevant, so again, to hell with what anyone else thinks or says. They'll get over it - and if they don't, tough. It's their problem.
Have joy in your heart, Theland, be happy at the prospect of a new grandchild, and look forward to welcoming that dear little baby into this world. Babies don't ask to be born, they all deserve to be wanted and cherished, and I know that once this baby arrives, wanted and cherished is exactly what it will be!!
Lots of love to you. :ox
Have joy in your heart, Theland, be happy at the prospect of a new grandchild, and look forward to welcoming that dear little baby into this world. Babies don't ask to be born, they all deserve to be wanted and cherished, and I know that once this baby arrives, wanted and cherished is exactly what it will be!!
Lots of love to you. :ox
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Hello Luna. There sure is a wellie about - but only a very gentle one. I do wish dear old Theland wouldn't worry so. Worrying doesn't change anything - it just makes people unwell. As you know, my philosphy is 'Sod it', and that's the only way to look at life. Wish he'd come back and let us know how he is. Oops, I'm worrying!!
Naomi,
Plan A:
The character map method . . .
Click on start (bottom left corner of your screen) to open your �Start Menu�.
Do you see �Run . . . � (near the bottom of the right column)?
If you do click on it.
If not click on start again to close menu and skip down to Plan B:
Type �charmap� (without the quotation marks) then click on �OK�
One at a time, click on the character/s you want ��� and click on [Select]
[Copy] your selected characters and paste them where you wish.
(You might also note the Alt+ code for each character that interests you. These apply to . . .
Plan A:
The character map method . . .
Click on start (bottom left corner of your screen) to open your �Start Menu�.
Do you see �Run . . . � (near the bottom of the right column)?
If you do click on it.
If not click on start again to close menu and skip down to Plan B:
Type �charmap� (without the quotation marks) then click on �OK�
One at a time, click on the character/s you want ��� and click on [Select]
[Copy] your selected characters and paste them where you wish.
(You might also note the Alt+ code for each character that interests you. These apply to . . .
Plan B:
Accessing �special� characters using Alt key-codes.
To enter Alt key-codes the �ten-key� numeric keypad must be used. (The standard number keys across the top of the keyboard do not work for this.)
In many cases a �virtual� �ten-key� numeric keypad is superimposed on and below the 7,8&9 keys of the standard keyboard. The letters U,I&O become 4,5&6 and J,K&L are 1,2&3 respectively. Perhaps most importantly be sure to make a mental note that the zero digit is expressed with the �M� key.
Toggle �Number Lock� on (aka �Num Lk� etc.)
In a word document the letters �NUM� (in the lower right corner) turn from grey to black when �Number Lock� mode is engaged.
With Number lock mode engaged . . .
Hold the Alt key down while keying in the numeric code (using the virtual ten-key keypad) associated with the character you want to enter (in this case �0191�) then release the Alt key upon which the character will magically appear in your text.
Finally, toggle �Number Lock� off to restore normal key function.
In summary:
Engage Number Lock mode
Type the key-code (with the virtual key-pad) . . .
Alt+0191 (MJ9J)
Turn Number Lock off
Here are some other Alt+codes for accessing other special characters.
Accessing �special� characters using Alt key-codes.
To enter Alt key-codes the �ten-key� numeric keypad must be used. (The standard number keys across the top of the keyboard do not work for this.)
In many cases a �virtual� �ten-key� numeric keypad is superimposed on and below the 7,8&9 keys of the standard keyboard. The letters U,I&O become 4,5&6 and J,K&L are 1,2&3 respectively. Perhaps most importantly be sure to make a mental note that the zero digit is expressed with the �M� key.
Toggle �Number Lock� on (aka �Num Lk� etc.)
In a word document the letters �NUM� (in the lower right corner) turn from grey to black when �Number Lock� mode is engaged.
With Number lock mode engaged . . .
Hold the Alt key down while keying in the numeric code (using the virtual ten-key keypad) associated with the character you want to enter (in this case �0191�) then release the Alt key upon which the character will magically appear in your text.
Finally, toggle �Number Lock� off to restore normal key function.
In summary:
Engage Number Lock mode
Type the key-code (with the virtual key-pad) . . .
Alt+0191 (MJ9J)
Turn Number Lock off
Here are some other Alt+codes for accessing other special characters.
Plan C:
Open a word document
Click on Insert
Click on �Special Character . . .�
Select �Symbol� tab (at top left)
Select a Font which displays desired character
(For a drop down menu of fonts click on the little square with the �v� symbol)
Suggestion: �Arial� (after the fractions � � � �)
Click on desired character/s
[Insert]
[Close]
Note: There are no guarantees on how special characters will appear in answerbank . . .
Good luck!
Open a word document
Click on Insert
Click on �Special Character . . .�
Select �Symbol� tab (at top left)
Select a Font which displays desired character
(For a drop down menu of fonts click on the little square with the �v� symbol)
Suggestion: �Arial� (after the fractions � � � �)
Click on desired character/s
[Insert]
[Close]
Note: There are no guarantees on how special characters will appear in answerbank . . .
Good luck!
-- answer removed --
Theland, You are not required nor should you be expected to condone the actions of other adults you find repulsive. But we must respect others choices as long as they do not require undesired, non-consensual participation or sanction. This is the acid test for that which you are entitled and expected to initiate your control. Whose personal rights are being violated?
If they seek your advise remind them of the consequences of at risk behaviors. You'll just have to accept that there's little else you can do.
Punishing yourself for the perceived �sins� of others is the greater �sin�. By making yourself a victim you�re condemning the innocent, sacrificing good on the alter of evil and hurting the ones who love you . . . Us.
We cannot demand that you care about yourself or us nor can you demand that others care about you. To care about someone is a choice and where you make it possible this will be the choice of most others as well to the extent they are able.
Embrace the reality of human nature so that you can learn to deal with it. Be the bigger man and teach others what they need to learn by example. Achieving your own happiness is the essential key to leadership, not by pushing from behind but by fostering the desire to be followed.
What you can not do is irrelevant. Evil left alone to fulfill its own ends is self-annihilating. Promote the good and leave the evil to die of its own lack of efficacy.
Happiness and living the life that make it possible are the primary virtues. Learn to make the choices that serve to make it a reality, your own.
If they seek your advise remind them of the consequences of at risk behaviors. You'll just have to accept that there's little else you can do.
Punishing yourself for the perceived �sins� of others is the greater �sin�. By making yourself a victim you�re condemning the innocent, sacrificing good on the alter of evil and hurting the ones who love you . . . Us.
We cannot demand that you care about yourself or us nor can you demand that others care about you. To care about someone is a choice and where you make it possible this will be the choice of most others as well to the extent they are able.
Embrace the reality of human nature so that you can learn to deal with it. Be the bigger man and teach others what they need to learn by example. Achieving your own happiness is the essential key to leadership, not by pushing from behind but by fostering the desire to be followed.
What you can not do is irrelevant. Evil left alone to fulfill its own ends is self-annihilating. Promote the good and leave the evil to die of its own lack of efficacy.
Happiness and living the life that make it possible are the primary virtues. Learn to make the choices that serve to make it a reality, your own.
Luna, you definitely speak from experience! (How's your back?).
Thanks for that mibs. Some of it seems a bit complex for a cyber-twit like me, but I'll give it a go.
By making yourself a victim you�re condemning the innocent, sacrificing good on the alter of evil and hurting the ones who love you . . . Us.
Mibs, that was a lovely thing to say. You're right. I love Theland - and I think we all do.
Theland, I know I've looked at the situation in a purely rational light, but that was in an effort to show you that none of this is the end of the world. This time next year you will look back and you will realise that you have coped. Just give yourself some time. My logical take on it doesn't mean that my heart isn't breaking for you. I'm a parent, I know how very dear children are to loving parents, and my heart weeps for you. In fact, I have cried for you - truly I have. Theland, dear Theland, please just be calm and try to think rationally - you will come through this, and you will cope. Please believe that. You have my email address if you want to talk. Let it out Theland - it can be very therapeutic. I have very willing ears (aka eyes) - and I will listen to you and help you all I can. x
Thanks for that mibs. Some of it seems a bit complex for a cyber-twit like me, but I'll give it a go.
By making yourself a victim you�re condemning the innocent, sacrificing good on the alter of evil and hurting the ones who love you . . . Us.
Mibs, that was a lovely thing to say. You're right. I love Theland - and I think we all do.
Theland, I know I've looked at the situation in a purely rational light, but that was in an effort to show you that none of this is the end of the world. This time next year you will look back and you will realise that you have coped. Just give yourself some time. My logical take on it doesn't mean that my heart isn't breaking for you. I'm a parent, I know how very dear children are to loving parents, and my heart weeps for you. In fact, I have cried for you - truly I have. Theland, dear Theland, please just be calm and try to think rationally - you will come through this, and you will cope. Please believe that. You have my email address if you want to talk. Let it out Theland - it can be very therapeutic. I have very willing ears (aka eyes) - and I will listen to you and help you all I can. x
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Luna, why are you up so late? I'm thinking of you getting up early. You need your beauty sleep you know. Are you off work? (Oops - well I'm sure you don't actually NEED your beauty sleep - I'm going before I dig myself in even deeper). :o)
Theland, if you're reading this, please let us know how you are. x
Theland, if you're reading this, please let us know how you are. x
Why in blazes are you all being so nice?! I'm sorry Theland but I'm furious with you and it's taken me this long to calm down and come back with a response that doesn't involve swearies.
Theland - Frankly mate, sort it out. Your son just did the hardest thing he's probably ever had to do and you go in to a self indulgent rant about how you can't accept it?! Get a grip. He's going to spend his life having other people judge him becaue of who he chooses to love, do you really want to be part of the other people who do that?Essentially his sex life is nowt to do with you and as long as he finds someone who loves and cares for him then that's all that matters since it's rare enough in this day and age as it is. So it's not the conventional life you might have chosen for him, all that means is he's probably going to have it harder than some of us and need you more. He loves and trusts you, grow some and be there for him.
As to you daughter... I fail to see what business it is of yours actually. Her husband has evidently forgiven her and accepted that the baby may not be his. The baby itself is entirely innocent and as Naomi says, only deserves to be loved and cared for, if you have a hard time doing that then it says more about you than it does the baby and I wouldn't wish you on it. Whether you can believe your daughters actions or not is also not your concern, it's between her and her husband, her sex life has been none of your business for some time now. You may have chosen to remove the complication of sex from your life and that is your choice, allow others to make and live with the implications of theirs.
I want to say I'm sorry for sounding harsh but the truth is I'm not, I'm used to you being a glass half empty person but I can't believe you used the situations of your kids to have such a self centred, indulgent rant. I wouldn't accept that kind of kak from my father so I'm bu88ered if you're getting away
Theland - Frankly mate, sort it out. Your son just did the hardest thing he's probably ever had to do and you go in to a self indulgent rant about how you can't accept it?! Get a grip. He's going to spend his life having other people judge him becaue of who he chooses to love, do you really want to be part of the other people who do that?Essentially his sex life is nowt to do with you and as long as he finds someone who loves and cares for him then that's all that matters since it's rare enough in this day and age as it is. So it's not the conventional life you might have chosen for him, all that means is he's probably going to have it harder than some of us and need you more. He loves and trusts you, grow some and be there for him.
As to you daughter... I fail to see what business it is of yours actually. Her husband has evidently forgiven her and accepted that the baby may not be his. The baby itself is entirely innocent and as Naomi says, only deserves to be loved and cared for, if you have a hard time doing that then it says more about you than it does the baby and I wouldn't wish you on it. Whether you can believe your daughters actions or not is also not your concern, it's between her and her husband, her sex life has been none of your business for some time now. You may have chosen to remove the complication of sex from your life and that is your choice, allow others to make and live with the implications of theirs.
I want to say I'm sorry for sounding harsh but the truth is I'm not, I'm used to you being a glass half empty person but I can't believe you used the situations of your kids to have such a self centred, indulgent rant. I wouldn't accept that kind of kak from my father so I'm bu88ered if you're getting away
-- answer removed --
China, why are we being nice to Theland? I suppose it's all about trying to walk a while in another man's shoes. We don't all think the same way, and for Theland, with his deeply held religious conviction, his incredible ability to worry about things that don't merit worry, his efforts to try to do the right thing, and his complete aversion (if that's the right word) to homosexuality, this recent news has come as a tremedous blow to him. I would handle both sets of news very differently, as, no doubt, you would - but neither of us is Theland It's true that his children are now adults, and their sex lives are not his business. Nevertheless, I can assure you that the children of loving parents are always their children, and we always want the best for them - no matter how old they are.
Luna, have you watched P&P yet? Bet you haven't.
Luna, have you watched P&P yet? Bet you haven't.
