Am I Right To Be Feeling This Way?

[renegadefm]

Ok this is delicate because I've never experienced it and need sensible answers. 

 

My eldest daughter who is now 20 has been studying in UNI at London, and was soon to finish her courses, and the plan was or so I thought to come back to us in Cornwall soon. 

But on her current Christmas visit, which I cherish as the past 3 years I've hardly seen her, she announced shes got a boyfriend who lives in London, actually Wimbledon. 

Obviously I embraced her and said congratulations and that I am very happy for you both. 

But as a Dad part of me thinks am I slowly losing my daughter rather than gaining her back to me. 

Of course I am happy for her, and would never dream of standing in her way, but I feel I've patiently been waiting all this time to look forward to having her back in Cornwall, I'm now not so sure as she might use London as her permanent residence. 

Am I being selfish? I can't help how I feel, obviously I want my siblings to be fairly near me, not so far that seeing her is only Christmas or birthdays.

I'm aware theres nothing I can do but is this normal to be so worried that I really am losing close contact with my daughter. I'm not getting any younger myself at 55. I was looking forward to her coming home 😭

[DDIL]

Could she have gone to Uni closer to home?

[pastafreak]

How is moving the same as deserting? That's a rather extreme view of naturally occurring stepping stones in growing up. It's not changing your relationship with your daughter unless you allow it too.

[albaqwerty]

"desert them for good" strewth, that's ridiculous.

Isn't your daughter supposed to do her own thing?

[wolf63]

My mother said that children don't ask to be born and they have no obligation to care for their parents when the parents get old.

 I left home at 23 but never moved far, this my choice.  My brother travelled to Australia, went to University, moved to England and stayed there.

My parents were dead by the time I was forty.  My brother and I are still very close, although not geographically.

 

[douglas9401]

Fanoid 

[tomus42]

Try to be happy for her rather than sorry for yourself.

[renegadefm]

pastafreak, 

I suppose moving out of reach is a kind of deserting. 

It would mean visiting almost zero in a year. 

Back in the day we would have regular Sunday roast dinners at parents house and I can't imagine a life not like that. 

Am I so out of touch here? 

[barry1010]

You've still got young children at home, are they missing their sister or are you the only one suffering?

[Khandro]

“Come to the edge,” he said.

“We can’t; we’re afraid!” they responded.

“Come to the edge,” he said.

“We can’t; We will fall!” they responded.

“Come to the edge,” he said.

And so, they came.

And he pushed them.

And they flew.”

Guillaume Apollinaire 1880–1918-

[Canary42]

Yes you are out of touch - the culture you seem to want started dying out over 100 years ago. Pre-WW1 it was quite common for son to follow Dad's "profession" and daughter to find a bloke, marry, and become a housewife (both remaining close to "home").  The demands at home on women during WW1 undermined this extremely patriarchal society and women started the long journey to equality (not there yet sadly, but well on the way).  You seem to be trying to return to the old Victorian ways by restricting your daughter's opportunities.

[Cloverjo]

I understand I you feel, renegade. I'm in Somerset and my son now lives the other side of London. It would be lovely if he were closer, but...
Of course you miss your daughter, but she's got her own life now. Would you really want her to come back to Cornwall and work in an icecream shop, or something? 
 

It helps to think, well at least they're not in Australia.
I do, anyway. 

[renegadefm]

Canary42, 

I'm not restricting my daughter from anything because I've never told her how I feel. I've just supported her all the way. 

My point was I always assumed she would return home after she completes UNI.  Especially as she is studying to become an author, so technically she didn't need to stay in London. 

I will continue supporting her in everything she does, but it doesn't stop the pain of missing her. 

I'm not trying to return to an earlier age or era. 

[renegadefm]

Cloverjo, 

No I doubt she would do anything less than what shes been studying towards, so I never assumed she would be stacking shelves in ASDA or something. 

I assumed as shes hoping to become an author that she could do that from home, or near us. 

[youngmafbog]

Its difficult and something we have had to go through although we still have one daughter close by.  I know where you are coming from and its sad some on here have seen fit to post what they have, you are trying to get your head round it and perhaps not choosing the best English, but why should you?

But, kids have to be allowed to develop to their best abilities, you seem to have bought her up to be independant and that is good and that is where to take pride.

And as a last though spare a thought for my brother and his wife.  One in Spain and one in China!