The big "M" word?

[jean88]

Just what see what other ABers views on marriage? What are the differences of being married or living with a partner? Is it the "just a piece of paper thing" or is it something more than that??

Thanks

[pamnez]

I think many people are just as happy living with a partner as someone like me who is married. (39 years).  I think 'just a piece of paper' thing is much more than that.  It is SECURITY!  Living with a partner does not give you any legal rights.

[spudqueen]

We lived together before we got married, but I think marriage is better, you are 100 per cent certain that this is a life long relationship. I'd recommend it to anyone!

[Peri]

I never lived with my hubby, we were 23 years married the other day.   It works for us.  Everybody is different though. 

[Artful]

spudqueen beat me to it as I would have said just like her (excuse my grammar!) We lived together for 15 years and have now been married for 5 and I don't regret it in the slightest.

[pamnez]

Sorry spudqueen but I do not think that getting married is a 100% certainty that you will be together for life.  The divorce rate in this country is high. Marriage is very hard work.  I have been married 40 years next year and our marriage has worked fine but it has been a bit of a slog. You have to really work at it.  For me, it has been worth it.

[spudqueen]

pamnez, I agree with you that not every marriage is for life, I certainly know enough people that have been divorced. But I don't think that anyone has ever gone into a marriage thinking of divorce, I think we all go into thinking that it is a lifelong thing and that is what I was getting at. I'd still recommend it!

[lindapinda]

We've been married 12 years,but partners 15 years.Yes,marriage brings legal rights,but,the fact that it is so easy to live with someone nowadays,means that you are taking that extra step if you want to commit your relationship to law.Also,personally,I feel much closer being a mrs.of a mr.and mrs.Agree completely with Peri,Spudqueen and Artful.If you feel ready,go for it!

[calleach]

I've lived with someone for 10 years and have been married to a different partner for 13 .Marriage added a level of commitment that was lacking in my previous relationship.For me marriage is important and certainly not just a piece of paper.

[MJT2003]

I'm a bit sour on the whole marriage thing, but maybe that's just because I'm divorced (although now living with my girlfriend (can't use the word 'partner' - just sounds a bit too poncey for my liking) for five years with a 2 year old daughter - no kids from my marriage, thank gawd.

 

Am not ruling out marriage at some point in the future for two reasons - (1) the legal rights - it is appalling that there are not equal rights just because you don't have a marriage certificate - if we are to call ourselves a civilised society, this MUST change, and (2) so that our daughter will have the same name (although, a friend of ours simply changed her name by deed poll).

 

If you love somebody enough, a certificate should not be necessary to show it.

 

As for the wedding itself - and I am only speaking from experience from my wedding, and many many others I have attended (and this is a pretty good reason in my opinion to elope!), the mother of the bride is always, without exception, a right royal pain in the backside.

[penona]

There is no actual differences between marriage and living together on a day to day basis. But some feel its a show of committment, and some treats it as a legal thing, ie. if you brought a place together, living together, but if the bf or gf dies, the assets doesn't automatically get the stuff etc.

[nicola_red]

I want to get married for all sorts of reasons - emotional, practical, legal - I feel it's much more than just a bit of paper.  But people shouldn't have to if they don't want to - it's an increasingly expensive business, after all.  I don't know if getting married will make any real difference to the lives of my fiance and I compared to the way things are at the moment (we live together) - but it will make a difference to how I feel.  But I should add as others have commented on this, I don't intend to change my name or use 'Mrs'.

[OBonio]

Got married last September after living with Mrs Obonio for 2 years previous. It's more than just a piece of paper wIthout a doubt. People who say that obviously don't hold to the values that are necessary to make one work.

[mycatis]

I dont think marriage is just a bit of paper maybe this is why there is so much divorce people dont take it seriously enough. I have ended 2 serious relationships with guys I loved because they wanted to get married and I wasn't ready, dont think I ever will cause there is no way I want to be divorced. I have a lot of respect for the people who do it properly and really work at their marriage instead of walking away at the first sign of problems

[libertie]

Although now divorced, I was married for 20 years and think that marriage is much more than a piece of paper.  Have been with someone for a couple of years now and we don't live together but I would have no qualms about getting married again! I suppose that we could argue all day about why people get married and why people don't but - and I'll probably get slaughtered for this - I personally get a little annoyed when people who live together start moaning about not getting the same rights as married people, widow's pension etc etc they are not entitled to it because if you are not married then you can't be a widow, sounds a little harsh I know but there you go!!

[HAnn521]

jean88: I was honestly going to post a thread on marriage today also! Guess you read my mind...for some reason, I have been thinking about it a lot lately and wish I could get it OFF my mind....

But, I'm straying off subject...simply put, to me Marriage is two people making a commitment to SHARE their lives with each other. Meaning, two people want to witness and share each others accomplishments, achievements, struggles, experiences....everything! I KNOW I will be elated to get married!!!

(I'm going to start another thread on this subject specifically to ask something about my situation in the Body and Soul section...)

[jean88]

Just dont understand why some of my friends would get a mortgage together and have kids but they would not get married. they make up all sort of excuses. Just cant understand why? They are good enough to have kids together and not good enough to be married to each other? Maybe is it the easy way out issue? Its more of a security issue?? Or scared of the commitments?

[hellywellywo]

I don't believe that marriage should be seen as "just a piece of paper".   Marriage to me is a public declaration and  celebration of two peoples love for each other.  Before anyone replies with a sarky remark, I have been married before and that was a complete shambles.  This time round everything is going fantastically well.

[londondave]

In October we will have been together 10 years. Everybody knows we love each other so we don't need to go public about it by getting married. Besides there is only one place that I would get married and aparantly we unable to because it has not got a postcode or some rubbish like that!!!!

[Otrere]

I was with my ex for 11 years and lived with him for 4 years. Then I was certain I didn't want to marry him.

I lived with my now husband for about 2 years before we got wed and was certain I wanted to marry him from almost the beginning.

Marriage is security, knowing you will enjoy a long term relationship with the person that you really love and who loves you, its a union. It goes far beyond a piece of paper and its the best thing I've ever done.