Me and my missus were driving home last night in the pouring rain, when we ran over a badger. We got out of the car to see if it was okay and it was still breathing, but freezing cold. I said to my...
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and...
Can I say Thanks to the Ed for giving 'Jokes' its own slot, A while back I asked if we could give it its own slot but it didm't happen it was doomed to stay behind 'Phrases & Sayings' for good....
" to wear clothes today," my husband said to me, stepping out of the shower. "What do you reckon the neighbours will think if I mow the grass like this?" he asked. "Probably...
What is the legal time that you must have between finishing work and going back in? My daughter works at a food establishment, she has been in since this morning, they are expecting her to work until...
My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman movie. Our dates so far can be summarised as follows... Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN. I'll get...
I've heard that all bank notes get that money smell from cocaine and CRACK! THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Have you ever wondered if the one pound notes In your wallet were ever in a stripper's @rse crack? If...
Now that Clintons has closed down I can't seem to get an expensive birthday card for sister who will be celebrating 70th birthday. We don't like numbers on our cards. Just a nice card. Any ideas? TIA...
The times you lot help me out with stuff, I thought you all deserved a pat on the back. You've sorted me out with car radios, films I couldn't remember the titles of, advertisements featuring music I...
A lesbian goes to a gynaecologist and the gynaecologist says "I must say, this is the cleanest vagina I"ve seen in ages." "Thanks," said the lesbian. "I have a woman in 4...
On Sunday morning I saw the landlady of a local pub park her car outside the pub. In the back of the car was a manky old duvet on which was resting a large hairy dog....and several trays of cooked...
~~~~~~~walking down the street, when suddenly he was hit by a car.A policeman that attended the scene said to the injured man, " Did you get a look at the driver?""No. " said the...
David Cameron is out jogging and accidentally falls into a very cold river. Three boys see the accident.Without a second thought,they jump into the water and drag out the soaking wet Cameron .He then...
I'm having a tin of M&S beef curry for lunch. I know, I know ... I'm sorry.
Anyway, I think the labels on the cah got mixed up with some dog food.
It's just like being back at Uni, LOL...
Can we maintain a thread which has responses from well known song lyrics? I'll start us off. I once had a girl or should I say she once had me. (The Beatles.) Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl....
