A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her Stammerers Action group. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she...
A group of American tourists came in. One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think your great drinkers. I bet 5,000 euros that no-one hear can drink 30 pints of Guinness in 30...
It was the happiest day of my life. I arrived at the church and by then my husband was waiting at the altar. I walked up the aisle, kissed him on the cheek, smiled........ And closed the f'''''' lid....
An Airline introduced a special package for Business men. Buy your ticket, get your wife's ticket free. After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip. All of...
An old Woman was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get : Parkinsons or Alzheimers?" The wise one answered, "Definitely Parkinsons - Better to spill half my wine than to forget where I...
A 25-year-old Jewish girl tells her mum that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the local pharmacy and buys a pregnancy test kit. The test confirms that her...
Twin sisters in a Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins. One of the...
Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel across the road. The local Methodist pastor appears and quickly goes inside. "Would you look at that!" says...
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's...
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient...
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems.... 'Dactor, it's me ahrse.. I'd like ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot'. So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. 'Incredible'he...
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his t-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I...
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bottom and said...'If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose.' While this was on the...
Interesting Year 1981 1. Prince Charles got married. 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe . 3. Australia lost the Ashes. 4. The Pope died. Interesting Year 2005 1. Prince Charles got...
I asked my son why he wants to marry so young. He said it's so he can have sex whenever he feels like it... He's in for quite a surprise. ====================================== As of today my sister...
A woman took a lover home during the day while her husband was at work. Her 9-year old son came home unexpectedly, saw them, and hid in the bedroom cupboard. The woman's husband also came home. She...
During a visit to a mental asylum I asked the director how they determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised. "Well," said the director "We fill up a bathtub with water then we offer...
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are...
This is one the best examples for paying attention that I have ever heard. First-year students at the Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around...
