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Voltage

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Voltage

My Girlfriend

My girlfriend is really tiny she has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size. So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm...
18:42 Mon 20th Nov 20179 answers, last by Shaglene 14:14 Tue 21st Nov 2017
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Cross-Eyed Burglar!

Police are on the lookout for a cross-eyed burglar! They’ve said “If you see him peering through your window, please warn the people next-door.”...
17:31 Mon 20th Nov 20173 answers, last by Voltage 17:41 Mon 20th Nov 2017
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I Know A Bloke

I know a bloke who is mute, he communicates through embroidery. Sew to speak....
11:51 Mon 20th Nov 201712 answers, last by davegosling 14:34 Tue 21st Nov 2017
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Fancy Dress Party!

The wife and I went to a bank robbers-themed fancy dress party last night. Well I did!, she stayed in the car and kept the engine running....
09:07 Mon 20th Nov 20173 answers, last by Shaglene 11:59 Mon 20th Nov 2017
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10% Polish?

If you’re 10% Polish, does that make you a tad pole?...
16:37 Sun 19th Nov 20178 answers, last by Shaglene 08:58 Mon 20th Nov 2017
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Have You Noticed?

Men at 26 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 plays golf. Have you noticed every time you get older your balls gets smaller?...
20:22 Sat 18th Nov 20179 answers, last by Chipchopper 10:16 Sun 19th Nov 2017
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Diving Board!

Paddy climbs the diving board for his final dive with a fish in his hand . The official says: “What are you doing with that fish Paddy?” Paddy: “A Triple somersault with pike.”...
18:39 Sat 18th Nov 20176 answers, last by jno 12:45 Sun 19th Nov 2017
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Rear View Mirror !

best thing i ever did was to take the rear view mirror out of the car, and since then.. I’ve never looked back....
12:27 Sat 18th Nov 20174 answers, last by marval 14:11 Sat 18th Nov 2017
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Human Pyramid

One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has broke his leg. We didn’t have Oleg to stand on....
11:48 Sat 18th Nov 20172 answers, last by Patsy33 16:33 Sat 18th Nov 2017
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Went Fishing.

My mate used liquorice as bait when he went fishing. He caught all sorts!...
09:13 Sat 18th Nov 20177 answers, last by WilliamLaros 08:40 Sat 09th Dec 2017
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Wife On Pc!

My wife was on her pc earlier she called me over "theres music coming out of the printer" she said It's only the paper jamming again I said!...
19:32 Fri 17th Nov 20176 answers, last by Zacs-Master 12:10 Sat 18th Nov 2017
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Madness?

What's the first sign of madness? Suggs walking up your driveway.......
15:17 Fri 17th Nov 20175 answers, last by Patsy33 16:55 Fri 17th Nov 2017
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Trousers!

Why should you always get your wife to buy trousers for you? Because chinos what’s best....
07:50 Fri 17th Nov 201713 answers, last by Shaglene 16:05 Fri 17th Nov 2017
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Orange Juice!

I called my dad from the shop saying I’d forgotten what orange juice he asked for? “Concentrate” he said, but I still couldn’t remember!...
21:01 Thu 16th Nov 201726 answers, last by DTCwordfan 15:38 Fri 17th Nov 2017
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Museum

My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me! I want to say hello but there's just too much history between us....
17:18 Thu 16th Nov 201737 answers, last by DTCwordfan 19:39 Thu 16th Nov 2017
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Quasimodo !

Quasimodo was running down the street chased by a group of kids. He said, ‘For the last time, I haven’t got your football.’...
13:56 Thu 16th Nov 20179 answers, last by Voltage 14:50 Thu 16th Nov 2017
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At The Nursing Home!

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive...
06:56 Thu 16th Nov 20175 answers, last by Patsy33 13:06 Thu 16th Nov 2017
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A-Level Results

Despite getting A-level results of A, B, B, A..... it seems that no employer will take a chance on me.
13:41 Wed 15th Nov 201711 answers, last by Patsy33 14:30 Wed 15th Nov 2017
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My Audition

I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction. My copy of the script said: 'Enter Juliet from the rear' they threw me out!...
13:40 Wed 15th Nov 201722 answers, last by marval 22:16 Wed 15th Nov 2017
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At The Gym!

Just asked the trainer in the gym, what kind of machine I should use to make myself more attractive to women? He said "the ATM Cash Machine"...
15:39 Tue 14th Nov 20177 answers, last by zebo 20:47 Tue 14th Nov 2017

421 to 440 of 545

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