This guy in the pub was telling loads of jokes about Motown singers, and I said to him how many Motown jokes do you know at "least a 100, and that's four tops"
A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner. A local politician and member of the congregation was to give a speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say a few words... ...
I read in the newspaper a tip to use Vodka for cleaning around the house. I must say it really works too, the more Vodka I drank the cleaner the house looked. ___ I was sitting on the toilet when the... ...
If I had 50p for every maths exam I've failed, I'd have £3.74 now. ___ I can put up with most things from my work-mates; but stealing my digestives? That just takes the biscuit. ___ I was in a lift when... ...
I've been in bed for 20 minutes and l've just remembered, l only came upstairs for a pen. ___ Last night I had a terrible dream that I had to make a thousand pancakes. I was tossing and turning all... ...
Paddy staggered home very late and very drunk. He took off his shoes to avoid waking the wife. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their bedroom, but misjudged the... ...
Someone glued my pack of cards together... I'm finding it hard to deal with. ___ IF you close your eyes and rub a kiwi fruit in one hand and rub one of your testicles with the other, it's difficult... ...
A man walks into a bar and shouts, "give me a whiskey and make it a double"! The barman looks at the guy and says "I think you've had enough don't you, so why don't you just turn yourself around... ...
Boss (to the new employee): "We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" New employee: "Yes, sir." Boss: Get out, We are also keen on truthfulness. There is... ...
One day, a young girl is walking through a park when she hears a faint, “Help me, help me.” She looks around and follows the quiet voice to a bush near the path. Looking under the bush she spies a... ...
Chaos occurred in an ATM queue this morning, when a Scotsman's kilt fell down..... he'd forgotten his pin. ___ I took a degree in Salad studies. All I really wanted was some lettuce after my... ...
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a... ...
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep last night. I got to 500 then lost interest so went home from work and got into bed. ___ Some people thought my plan to design a building with a two-kilometer... ...