I am an avid collector of orange b&q buckets, I live several bucket throws away from enyas castle and I would like to finish my intro with a deep question...if you had to go into battle against a family car sized earwig and could only arm yourself with one item from your kitchen what would you pick?
Funny you should say that, bob. I live in bucket row ( well I did in 1861 ) and when I had to go into battle with an earwig the size of an horse and cart I dealt with it using a three furrow plough from farmer Jacks barn.
https://i.pinimg.com/236x/b7/24/80/b72480b47e2daa69910d58daafc34229.jpg
Anyhoo when I mentioned to the squire that I wanted to paint my cottage in bucket row Orange I was evicted. No problem though I went to live in Mop terrace.
The kettle. I would make us both a brew, invite the earwig to sit down and thrash our disagreement out like 2 grown-ups and not like naughty MPs. I would explain to the earwig the futility of getting stroppy with a die-hard Burnley fan and would point him in the direction of Blackburn where, as it is widely accepted, the football fans there are just a bunch of girl's blouses.