Crosswords28 mins ago
To God ........... from dog
22 Answers
This email does not prove that God exists, it proves only that this particular dog (who can read and write) thinks that the dog god exists.
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
Answers
I wish that I could take credit for it.
I am not allowed to have a dog - so says Frankie and Merlin. ;-)
I am not allowed to have a dog - so says Frankie and Merlin. ;-)
20:30 Thu 17th Nov 2011
It reminds me of the time when I was about 18 and was taking my mother out for a Sunday afternoon drive. We spotted some good friends walking their dog on the beautiful golf course on our way out of town. I pulled up and we took our dog out of the car and walked over to meet them for a natter. All those trees and yet we were standing in the midle of an open fairway on a dull and misty winter afternoon. As we chatted I suddenly felt something warm trickling down my stockinged leg. I decide to ignore the problem to save myself any embarrassment. My mother had other ideas. She suddenly shouted out - 'Oh look, Brandy is weeing down your leg', as if I needed to be told :( That taught me to ALWAYS let my dog find a tree or lamp post first before engaging anyone in a conversation <<<sigh>>>
"7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'. "
Our Merlin, the one in my Avatar, is dreadful for this, his size makes it worse.
We have to keep away from girls in mini skirts when in town, if we aren't paying attention he just sticks his nose under and lifts the mini skirt right up, sooo embarrassing. Im tempted to fit him with a head camera lol.
its just something he cant resist doing!
And no I didnt train him to do it :)
Our Merlin, the one in my Avatar, is dreadful for this, his size makes it worse.
We have to keep away from girls in mini skirts when in town, if we aren't paying attention he just sticks his nose under and lifts the mini skirt right up, sooo embarrassing. Im tempted to fit him with a head camera lol.
its just something he cant resist doing!
And no I didnt train him to do it :)
