Would You Allow A Nine Year Old Attend?

[chrissa1]

Very sadly I am going to have to come to the decision to have Toby, put to sleep.

He is loved dearly by my granddaughters, especially my nine year old, so it’s gong to be very hard.

If she asks to be there, would you allow it or say, no?

[pixie374]

I'd say yes if she wants to and parents are ok with it. My OH and daughter left the room when I took one of mine. Tell her she can change her mind too...

[Jackdaw33]

I'm with Naomi. I would have it done discreetly, out of sight, then when the kids next come round gently explain that since their last visit Toby had died.

[Mamyalynne]

I'm in agreement with those who say yes,with the obvious permissions.


Sad news for all who have loved toby x

[chrissa1]

I don’t think I agree with you, Naomi. I remember when, back in 1986 I had to tell my son, then 8 years old that one of our Labs had had a stroke and had died at the vets while he was at school. I can still see the look of utter devastation on his face in my mind.

[naomi24]

That's fine, Chrissa. I don't expect everyone to agree with me. I too have had to tell children that people/pets have died, but personally I don't think that a spot beside a deathbed - anyone's deathbed - during the process of the occupant dying is an appropriate place for a young child to be. I prefer to shield little ones from the painful realities of life in favour of a gentler, and to my mind, kinder
approach.

[jakep]

I worked at a veterinary practice and have been present many, many times during euthanasia. 99% of the time it is peaceful and a fitting ending to a beloved pets life.
Only VERY occasionally, this is not so.
You know your granddaughter best and, with the support of her parents, whether she will cope.
An alternative is to let her spend time with Toby after he has passed and let her see how peaceful he is, at rest.
I often used to ask if the owner would like to take 'hair snippets' gently. They all said 'yes'.
Thoughts are with you all at this awful time x

[Sqad]

Who or what is Toby?

[Tilly2]

My guess is that Toby is the dog in Chrissa's avatar, Sqad.

[Sqad]

Wooops! sorry...just noticed your avatar.....Toby is a dog......and probably the name should have given me a clue.
NO! no! I would not let a 9 year old be present at the operation of "putting him down".
For what reason would you?.It is an emotional time and to put her through the anguish of being present ( dying) of a pet to me is barbaric. In two weeks time she will have "got over" Toby and what has she learned....nothing....life goes on.
No, in my opinion it would be cruel to let her see the incident.

[Purist]

Children are naturally curious, so they are inclined to obsess about something that they have been kept from, shielding them from death is not doing them any favours in the long term, death of a pet can prepare them for the death of a relative. I remember finding our budgie dead in the cage at the age of 6, we buried him in the garden and I found some closure, when my cat went to the vets I was at school and was only told after a few days that the cat had died, I found it hard to come to terms with because I had no closure and it was as if my thoughts didn't matter as I was exempted from the situation in order to "protect" my feelings. So I would say explain the situation and give them the choice.

[Prudie]

I'm not sure how watching someone or a pet die makes the grieving process easier but clearly we are all different. I have to admit that the untimely death of my dog knocked me for six and I still weep about her 15 years later, far more than I did for my parents passing which I took as a fact of life. As I posted before, I would never have dreamt of suggesting to a child that they may want to watch.

[Ratty2E]

personally I would let the child know it is happening but unless they asked unprompted I wouldn't ask them. Talk to the parents and let them know your willing for them to be there if they ask to be and leave it a thing that.

[albaqwerty]

I wouldn't ask her if she wanted to see Toby dying.
Tell her in front of her parents that you have decided that Toby needs help to go and play in doggy heaven (if that's what you believe in)
A tough time for you Chrissa, am so sorry. xx

[Old_Geezer]

If you are going to be open as to what is planned, and if any of the kids asked to be there, then I'd tell the parents that you had no objection. It would be their decision. Or the other acceptable options would be not mention it beforehand, or not mention Toby's death was helped along at all. All are good. Outright refusal, not so great.

[chrissa1]

Gosh. What a sea change in replies from last night. All of them have been read and will be discussed.

Thank you.

[horselady]

When my children were little and we had our dog put to sleep, the vet came to the house. The children and dog were out in the garden on the lawn as the kids said goodbye, lots of tears and cuddles, then I carried the dog indoors to the vet and kids stayed where they were, chose not to come in. God, this was over 30 years ago and I'm now crying, what are we like with our animals?!

[Sqad]

horselady.....not a lot of "closure" following that decision then.

[chrissa1]

So what should horselady have done, sqad?

[NoMercy]

If the child was 6 I'd consider that too young but 9 is a bit different. You need to take her feelings into consideration. What you don't want is her believing that you didn't think her feelings were important in all this, as that is something she will never forget.

She also has the option, with her parents permission, to attend the Vets and wait in the waiting room whilst the injection is being administered and then to go in afterwards to say her goodbyes and see Toby at peace.

[horselady]

Quite Chrissa, as has been said several times, the child's choice.