Stanleyman - what about your squirrel?

[WendyS]

Very quiet from you lately. Every time I watch our garden squirrels come to be fed I think of you and wonder what happened to the squirrel who has hidden himself away in your house? Is he still there?

[logman]

Yes stanleyman and i hope you got your son some new socks for Christmas,but where you gonna find conkers in december ?

[stanleyman]

Yes from time to time. Lofty is not hibernating but seems to come in when it gets cold. I checked under the bath and found he'd chewed all the plasterboard off the wall. It seems he is somehow getting in the loft and has got down the cavity.

Last Wednesday morning he woke us up at 2 am, he ignored me banging on the ceiling and by 3 am I'd had enough of the constant scratching. "I'm going to have to go up there, what will really frighten him off?" I said to the wife. "Go as you are that'll do it, frightens the hell out of me anyway" she said.

Within ten minutes I was ready. Ladder check, Torch check, son's water blaster check, loaded check. "Cover me I'm going in" I said. Faint roll of the eyes from her. The piercing beam of the torch swept the loft left to right, beads of sweat ran down my face (I was suffering from manflu) as I leapt from truss to truss. Then the old army training kicked in as I poured fire (well water) into any likely squirrel hole.

I ripped back the insulation and found what I been looking for. Equipment, in the form of a blue lazer beam torch, still working, he'll be lost without that! Lofty had fled without a fight. I made my way back covering my rear fearfull of a retaliatory attack, I reached the ladder and was about to back down when a quiet voice said "Do you think you could get the Christmas decorations down while you are up there!" The fight continues.

[WendyS]

Oh dear Stanleyman - I shouldn't laugh but there were tears running down my cheers when I read your account because it's just the kind of pantomime that happens in real life.

I hope your squirrel appreciates the magnificent performance you put on for his entertainment and that he doesn't creep back at 3 a.m. on Christmas morning shouting "Where's my stocking and mince pie?".

If it makes you feel any better, I asked my husband to get the Christmas decorations out of the loft a few days ago too and he stubbed and fractured his toe on the folding ladder whilst getting them down! It's now strapped up with Duct Tape (the cure all in this house !). I'll show him your report to let him know that he's not alone in his loft ventures. Happy Christmas to you and yours!

[Cetti]

Thank you Wendy for that Q.

I was feeling pretty wretched until I saw stanleyman's answer...and then the plight of your poor husband. It's not the injury that's making me cry with laughter...but the mental picture of it all!!

[stanleyman]

My wife has also stubbed her toes in the dark on my shoes left against the wardrobe. Doctor says she's broken two or three toes, it's her own fault, this is retribution for being in the Tufty Club as a child and supporting those rodents.

[stanleyman]

She has also now got my manflu! This is real retribution!

Click here to see how it all started.

http://www.meldrum.co.uk/cgi/play.asp?file=pifs/tufty.ra

[WendyS]

Ahhh, what a sweetie ! And hope your wife's toes soon get better. Looks like it might be you who is cooking Christmas lunch. That will teach you to leave your shoes lying around in the dark, unless you were using them as a potential nesting box for your squirrel !!

[denisegordon]

Stanleyman you made me LOL. The tufty clip brings it all back, a bit different to the graphic adverts we get these days. Bet you're one of those people who doesn't let squirrels eat from the bird table.