A Thoughtful Article By Zoe Williams

[Toorak]

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/aug/15/the-surprising-shame-of-pet-loss-you-are-supposed-to-think-humans-are-more-important-than-animals

having recently lost a furry friend of 20 years we can resonate with it

[barry1010]

It's a well written interesting article but people can be just as crass when talking to others who are grieving the death of a relative, or  coping with a miscarriage.

We don't know what to say in the face of such grief but feel compelled to say something and often it's the wrong thing. Emotions are heightened and raw in grief and everything that jars or hurts seem to lodge in the memory.

She highlights how people tell those who have lost a pet that they can get another one. The same thing is said to couples who are coming to terms with a miscarriage, they can try again.  

Many of us are rubbish at dealing with the emotions of other people.

 

[ladybirder]

Thank you for posting this Toorak. As an animal lover I too can resonate with it.

[Ringlet]

This is a very important article, and focuses on something that I have been thinking about for many years.  

We are almost made to feel guilty for grieving the loss of a beloved animal.  Many times, when a dearly loved dog or cat is killed on the road, for example, people will say "something needs to be done about that road, because that could have been a child". Yes, the loss of a child is unimaginable to any parent, but to the parent of a beloved animals, the grief is often equally strong.  Sadly, most people don't seem to understand that to many, myself included, losing a beloved animal companion brings a depth of grief similar to the loss of a human companion.  

I believe all life is important - I am appalled by abbatoirs, disgusted by hunting including fishing, and ashamed of my own species because of the cruel way we unthinkingly treat other vulnerable creatures to satisfy our own needs and desires.  

For many people when we form an attachment to any particular animal, it is as important as the attachments we form to other humans.  I wish everyone could understand that.  

[barry1010]

Ringlet, if you had a cat or dog would you feed it meat?

[Toorak]

Thank you for your responses. I could agree with all the points she makes. we have decided not to have another cat at the moment and have donated lots of stuff to Cats Protection who were very grateful.  We have curtailed our activities for the past couple of years as he became older and increasingly frail. We are now going to have a couple of short holidays (one a city break and one in the med) and will then take stock.

[Toorak]

I should also add that, as the article suggests, the most difficult thing has been the silence in the house - I miss the sound of his bell tinkling against his water bowl. The house is so unusually silent.

[Hopkirk]

We have had several cats over the years, with the excruciating pain of making the decision to say goodbye. However I don't recall anyone ever making an inappropriate comment about our grief.

[Toorak]

Nor do I hopkirk 

[Hopkirk]

Probably because we surround ourselves with animal lovers, who can sympathise because of experience.

[pastafreak]

I read this last night...very late...and cried. Cried even more as I read some of the comments from readers of the article.

Over 4 years on, I am still grieving the loss of my cat Caspar (January 2020) and my lurcher Sally (February 2020). It was all too much at once...just when I really needed  their companionship. 

What followed was a fast doggie adoption that went terribly wrong and that I have guilt over.

I now have Toby who I love and I suppose loves me in his own way...but he's not a people cat. Almost 4 years and he doesnt cuddle or even play much...not sure he knew how to. So I feel I'm mourning what I no longer have, and just when I think I'm getting used to the empty, furry-shaped hole in my heart, something like this triggers me and I'm hurting all over again. I wonder if it would have been different if I'd not lost both so close together? 

I don't really talk to anyone about it.

I'm so sorry for your loss Toorak x

[Toorak]

Thank you pasta - and so sorry if this has caused unnecessary upset for you. All our pets are different and we just need to value what they can offer. I am sure that Toby is very contented but is probably too wary to show it because of past experiences. 😪

[Barmaid]

I think it was a well written article. It does highlight how different people deal with grief differently. Many well meaning people can be clumsy in their conversations tho without dismissing the loss.

I was gutted when my ASBO died after 16 years and I thought I could never bear that pain again. Only 6 days later we went to a wedding and a friend of Mr BM's was so insensitive I nearly chinned him. "He was only a cat", "just get another one", "cats don't care about you", blah blah until Mr BM told him to shut it.

A few days after that, my gorgeous girls were found abandoned. It was not what I had planned, but it just happened. They helped no end with my grief. But ASBO has his own garden now, and I still speak to him. He was never only a cat.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your furbaby, Tourak. They leave a hole in our hearts.

[Toorak]

Thank you barmaid. It is true that they touch your heart and that people can be so insensitive. I hope you are enjoying having your new pair of minxes🙀