So It Was Just Another Dirty Con Trick...
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European Ryder Cup clothes
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When did the European team change their shirt colours - when I was watching at lunchtime they were in blue almost the same as USA, now I'm watching again and Europe are wearing the ones they wore yesterday. Is this because we (the gallery) were getting confused with both teams?
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yes, we have excellent trainers here now...
http://img48.photobucket.com/albums/v147/calgu ysd/outsports/golf_ucla_balls_3.jpg
http://img48.photobucket.com/albums/v147/calgu ysd/outsports/golf_ucla_balls_3.jpg
from an old American TV show (and my emails)...
Hollywood Squares
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may
bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the
days when " Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and
clever not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was
the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you
be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years A. George Gobel:
Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll
give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Hollywood Squares
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may
bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the
days when " Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and
clever not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was
the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you
be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years A. George Gobel:
Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll
give you a gesture you'll never forget.
some more...
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose
do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose
do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie
last couple got cut off...
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
My god jno haven't you anything better to do?? I think they are hilarious. Have been out to dinner and had a few drinkies, have I missed anything??? I hope neti is freed tomorrow cos I can't keep up with her lifestyle!! Am off to bed, please lock up the clubhouse and keeps your balls tidy. Nitey nite xx
Morning Folks....I enjoyed reading that jno..very funny..in all truth,I cant remember seeing Hollywood squares...was it on british TV...?I do love quick fire comedy,and I think jackie Mason is brill. .its absolutley raining cats and dogs here....bu**er it...Are have to go out and feed them...hehe.!first sign of thunder and this puttas off the air..!erm...well I read somewhere that surge thingy didnt work,and the persons going to sue...Bet it was a cheap chinese one.....has a look at my one...says on the label...cheap chinese thingy...sugar...hahaha..mustnt laugh at own jokes....so here's a jackie mason one..My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. (:o)
Ouch...!
balls (:o)
balls (:o)
Yoohoo everyone ..blowing a gale here and a bit chilly round the nether regions ...soon be liberty bodice time girls !
Sunny though ..more nightmarish rain yesterday and thunderstorms so wasn't about much as this machine was playing up for some reason..It was very slow so I gave up and watched Cracker..
Just read through those jokes ..very good ..have copied them to email to a friend.
Now.....it is it safe to leave the clubhouse ..creeps off for a mosey round.Have a good day all.
Sunny though ..more nightmarish rain yesterday and thunderstorms so wasn't about much as this machine was playing up for some reason..It was very slow so I gave up and watched Cracker..
Just read through those jokes ..very good ..have copied them to email to a friend.
Now.....it is it safe to leave the clubhouse ..creeps off for a mosey round.Have a good day all.
morning all - 'tis breezy & very chilly here today
I want one of those butler people - tut! - all these tedious things to do & so little cake in the pantry. I've just spluttered my last slice all over my keyboard reading jno's jokes....the last one was definitely the best tho'!
I see the new Ed has posted in suggs.....
"Please mail me if you do have any complaints regarding users and postings"
mmmm, well lets hope they do & not keep on wailing or giving publicity to the undesirables.
right cover your ears for a minute everyone....
BING BONG! BING BONG!
could shaneystar please come back to the desk!re Cracker....I'd like to know how Fitz nailed Kenny please. Only went & nodded off for about the last 10 minutes didn't I??? I was livid!!!
I want one of those butler people - tut! - all these tedious things to do & so little cake in the pantry. I've just spluttered my last slice all over my keyboard reading jno's jokes....the last one was definitely the best tho'!
I see the new Ed has posted in suggs.....
"Please mail me if you do have any complaints regarding users and postings"
mmmm, well lets hope they do & not keep on wailing or giving publicity to the undesirables.
right cover your ears for a minute everyone....
BING BONG! BING BONG!
could shaneystar please come back to the desk!re Cracker....I'd like to know how Fitz nailed Kenny please. Only went & nodded off for about the last 10 minutes didn't I??? I was livid!!!
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