Cancer support

[Bobble1]

My boyfriends dad found out he had cancer several months back and has been battling it ever since, but last week he was told there was nothing more the doctors could do. He is really weak and poorly, and unable to talk and eat, and my boyfriend is devastated watching his dad go thorough this and is really worried he is going to lose him. He has recently gone to stay with his parents to support them through this, and I can't be there with him or even visit.
I am at a loss as to how to support my boyfriend through this and wondered if anyone who has been through what my b'friend is going through can offer me any advice. I feel useless sitting on the end of the phone listening to him cry, I just want to be able to hug him. What can I say to him that will help??

[Ethel]

There is nothing you can say that will help. You feeling useless isn't helping him either.

All you can do is listen for as long as he wants to talk, even if he is saying nothing.

Distract him with idle chit chat if you feel he needs distracting, but don't burden him with any problems you are having. Reassure him all is well with you.

A tough time ahead for both of you.

[Bobble1]

Thanks Ethel.
I just want to be able to say something that will comfort him when he is crying, as I want to be able to lessen his pain, but there aren't any words that can help.

[Kleiber]

Bobble, I feel so sorry for you and your boyfriend & his family. It's a horrible situation to be in. I take it his Dad knows that there's nothing else can be done? At least he's been given the chance to get his affairs in order and to say "goodbye" to those he loves. I'm sure your boyfriend knows how much you care, even if you can't be with him at this sad time and, as Ethel says, there are no words to say at a time like this. Just be there for him and his Mum when the time comes and let them both know that you will be there to support them - that's really the best you can do as at the moment, they just need to be together as a family, to come to terms with it. They will always have happy memories of times spent together - nothing can take those away. It's so hard, when you lose someone close to you, but, sadly, it comes to us all at some time. Be strong and be supportive. Luv, K xx

[jake-the-peg]

Do you know about McMillian

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/

They are a charity specialising in helpin people with cancer and their relatives

try their phone line

[Bobble1]

Thanks for your kind words Kleiber and J-t-p.
Think I will try that helpline.

[tigwig]

Hi Bobble, so sorry about your situation. I have just been through the same situation with my mum in law (she died in June) Every time my husband was crying I just cuddled him and said she won't suffer any more when shes gone. He just needed to know I was going to be there for him and I think that is all you can do. Your boyfriend just needs you to listen to him and when its all over as I am sorry to say it doesn't sound like his dad has long left you can give him all your love and support. You also need support because even though he isn't your dad I am sure you are devastated too. Take care and try and be strong I know exactly what you are going through and it does get easier eventually.