18 and Pregnant, How Do I Tell My Dad My Only Parent.

[Trixy_89]

I'm 18 and pregnant, in a stable relationship and my boyfriend wants to keep the baby, i'm too scared to have an abortion but i'm too scared to keep the baby cause my dad always used to say to me '' my worst nightmare is for you to be pregnant ''. I only live with my dad, my boyfriend believes his parents wouldn't be too pleased at first but would get used to it. With my dad, i'm not so sure and the only other family i have is my Grandma and Grandad and i know they'd be disappointed too. I'm more for keeping the baby and i've thought about everything there is to think about, financial matters and housing included and i still think theres alot to think about. I know this is my own fault and i'm not looking for sympathy just some motherly advice.

Thank you. x

[Tichfield]

You are an adult now and whatever you decide to do is up to just you.

But if you were my daughter I would want you to tell me rather than hiding it. These things are better out in the open.

[Marg0]

i've seen similar trixi, their thoughts shouldn't feature in your decisions really: once a baby is born everyone starts swooning around it and suddenly becomes superhappy, whatever the situation it's born into. I remember people talking kind of casually about how my friend might 'spontaneously abort' as if this was some kind of good remedy for the situation at the time. Now I see them react to my friends daughter and wonder if they ever reflect on this idea.
Having a kid is a burden, but has a hell of a lot going for it too. For my friend and her family, it was the best thing that ever happened to them.........

[Trixy_89]

Having some postive feedback is comforting. And still taking into consideration that it would be hard and there is alot to take on board but if you make the choice to keep the child then you've got to do your best for the baby because it was your choice to bring it into the world. The upside is having a positive boyfriend.

Thanks again x

[Aquagility]

Don't spring it on your father. Tell him that you want to have "a serious talk" and "what would be a good time". And try not to be agressive about it - make it clear that you are looking for understanding and support.

I hope you get it. Good luck.

[alisonscott]

hi i got pregnant aged 17 and my mum and dad told me to abort or leave ,i left however once over the shock it was accepted but my dad really say anything but when my son was born he cried and said sorry for ignoring me .the then doted on my son .i have been married to babys dad for 25 years now with 2 more sons and we are very happy but it was a struggle.if you love the dad you will pull together .your dad will be disappointed (they dont like to think of their little girl having had sex ) but if hes a good dad ,he sounds ok then he will do whats right for you .good luck .each baby is a gift .

[Marg0]

if my parents told me 'abort or leave' they would never hear from me again.

[alisonscott]

well you are lucky .mine said it in haste but i agree not the supportive thing to say .hope the young lady gets a better response .x

[Trixy_89]

Cheers guys. I'm very grateful for the advice. I do really want to keep the baby not just cause of the advice but because thats how i feel inside and thats what i'd like to do. I guess i'm just scared.

thanks x

[paulsmummy]

hi, you must do what you think is best, dont be influenced by anyone especially your dad.. i think all dads say that.. when my dad found out i was pregnant he was gutted... said "oh your not are you" he was so disapointed.. i was 34! i think all dads are especially protective to daughters.. whatever age.. you just need to ask yourself are you ready? if you are then embark on what is the most fantastic journey... theres nothing like having a baby to love to nuture.. they depend on you solely and that feeling is the best in world.. i wish i had been younger when i had mine.. but im just glad i did.. i always said i never wanted children, mostly because my dad was really old fashioned.. he didnt beleive in children out of wedlock.. he even always said he would disown me.. so i never had any.. but i reached that point where my desire so children overshadowed my father.. he passed away two years ago, and he told me he was proud of me just before he died, he also told me my son was beautiful.. that was his blessing.. after my son was born.. not before.. your dad will come around .. just give him time..
good luck..

[Trixy_89]

Mmmm i guess i just keep thinking my dads not like most and he just will kick off xx

[Tetsuba]

I would tell him before your baby bump becomes noticable so he wouldn't realize before you couldn't explain. I would elaborate on how devoted you and your boyfriend are in keeping the child. Also talk about how you will supply needs and love to your upcoming baby. Only a mother can give as much love and hope for her child. Be appreciative of how much you care for him/her and enjoy being a parent. It seems you are mature and prepared enough to keep the baby. Convince your father that the mature person you are can control the things in your life. Remember to support you and your child with care.

wish you luck and happiness

[hippyhoppy]

Could you move out and live with the baby's father, that way your dad can't dictate what you do and you have to stand on you own two feet and prove that you can do this...

[jayney 12]

do you know something trixy i think once over the shock of realising his baby girl has grown up your dad will be delighted at becoming a grandfather his obvious love for you wll only pass on to your baby who i am sure he will be immensely proud to be seen pushing through the local park in a pram and showing off to all his friends and relatives, i was in your position too hun and my dad looked at me in horror then threw his arms round me and told me he loved me and he so adored my boy which later turned into a family of 3 boys he was as proud as punch to be seen with them and especially as i had double barrelled their sirnames to include his. good luck hun and look to the future ok xx

[paulsmummy]

all loving caring dads will ultimately have something to say.. but can i just say this.. you are 18 a total adult.. the baby's father wants to support you which i think is wonderful.. your baby would be for the rest of your life.. your dad would probably be mortified if you terminated just because you "think" he wouldnt like it... you would resent him forever if its the baby you want..
like i said though my dad wasnt pleased not at all.. not even when my lad was born.. my son was 18 months when my dad died.. so you can imagine how glad i was i had him.. my dad thought the world of him by then..

[randyraven]

In benfits England , you now have the jackpot.
You will get a free house ....benefits..you name it.

God old tax payer will keep you from now on.

[puzzled54]

Be positive. Tell him you have some news and that you hope he'll be pleased. Tell him you understand he may be disappointed but he'll be a wonderful grandad and a good role model for your baby.
Good luck. Let us know how he takes it.

[puss_boots]

Hiya Trixy_89 I cannot add anymore than the advice you have already been given but I can tell by your post that deep down you would really like to keep your baby. You are legally an adult and can make your own mind up about this. Your dad may be shocked/disappointed what ever at first, but he's your dad and will love you unconditionally ( I bet my life on it) if you abort and this again is entirely up to you then I feel that you may regret it and once its done there is no going back. It is hard having a baby whether you are 18 or 38 and there is never a good time but I'm sure the pleasure you will get from being a mum will far out weigh the problems. Good luck hope you make the right decision for you and not your dad. pussxxx

[DONNNAKEBAB]

Be positive and be very happy. Congratulations to you Trixy. You have a lot ahead of you now and a lot of happy times.

You and your boyfreind should take your Dad out or even you on your own if you like for a meal, burger or whatever and say to him that you would like to have a chat with him. Tell him he is going to be the best Grandad in the World and then ask him to come shopping with you for baby stuff.

Thats the spirit.

Of course he will be upset, his baby girl is all grown up now.

Keep us posted.

and once again.

Congratulations sweetheart.

Katie. x

[DONNNAKEBAB]

Raven. I dont agree with you. I am a lone parent, have 3 mortgages and have never claimed a benefit in my life. I work full time and raise my child alone. She attends one of the top schools in the area and I have a very good job.

What makes you think that because you have a baby you get free everything.

You are clearly watching too much JK !

Sorry to sound brutal hun but you are so wrong.

Katie.