tigerlily, check out 'healthboards.com' and look at their menopause section - lots of information there for you.
mine started like an adrenalin rush in the middle of my body, like when someone says 'boo', and then the feeling would become hotter and spread upwards. they changed over the years, went away, came back, and now, 2 years post menopause, i get an occasional one but now they start at the front of my chest and mainly just affect my neck and face, which now go red - never used to. my hot flushes started 5 years ago and i started taking taking boot's own menopause 'bomb' about 3 years ago. it contains lots of stuff recommended for 'ladies of a certain age', including soya isoflavins, magnesium and calcium. you do get used to them, and learn to dress slightly differently. stress is a big factor in making them worse.