Helping a Heroin Addict

[Boisdeslandes]

How can I help my son who is a fairly long term heroin user. 2 weeks ago he walked out of the house and said he was never coming back. A week later he begged to come home and asked me to at least let him saty at home until he had completed a 10/12 day subutex detox. How could I say no? Today I found evidence of him using again although he says I am wrong but I don't believe him, why would I no one else has been in the house. What do I do, how can I help him? He is vile to me when he is withdrawing and treats me badly when he is on it but I still love him and would like to help him get a life! if anyone has been through anything like this and has any advice I would be grateful.

[sara3]

what does your GP say?

[Boisdeslandes]

Well one doctor at our practice told me just to kick him out of our home when I went for help last year and another told my son that he doesn't really know much about drug addiction so he should go to Turning Point which he did and they referred him to someone else and of course he never went and so it goes on.

[tamborine]

http://www.detox5.co....MzErp8CFQdl4wodfjeu1Q

[B00]

I know nothing about drug addiction, so im willing to be corrected here, but I was always under the impression that you can't help anyone like this until they themselves truly want to quit.

Does he?

[China Doll]

Quite correct Boo, you can't help an addict of anything unless they actually want to stop as physically that's theirs to do alone. In my experience an addict has to lose everything or come close to it before they really change.

[Sandy-Wroe]

Instead of thinking of your son you need to think of your own welfare. People who are addicted to drugs, or drink, need to want to stop. Until they do anybody trying to help is wasting their time.
Tell him that while he's addicted he's not welcome in your house.

[Boisdeslandes]

I think it is right that you can't help some one who doesn't want helped but last week he so seemed as if he wanted help but now I am not so sure. I know that going through any withdrawl is tough but the subutex withdrawal is not as bad as the cold turkey withdrawl if you have no medication. I fel very lonely and scared. He says I am making things worse by watching him and being suspicious but what else can I do? I am not knowingly going to let him use heroin again in my home and certainly not when he's asking me to support him through a detox!

[Boisdeslandes]

I have told him he is not welcome in my home when he is using but it is the hardest thing I have ever done!

[Sandy-Wroe]

I know there are support groups for the families of alcoholics. I wonder if there are similar groups for people who have relatives who are addicted to drugs? Might be worth asking social services.

[Boisdeslandes]

Have treid the detox 5 discussion but he won't go for that as he says it costs too uch money - it does but I would find it if it would work but as everyone is saying only when an addict wants to be clean will they make it and now I am doubting his commitment!

[sara3]

have a look at this site, see if you can find some local support. I wish you both all the best.

http://www.talktofran.../multimap.aspx?id=278

[Boisdeslandes]

Thanks for website will see who I can speak to when they open tomorrow

[ayresy81]

Try the website famanon.org.

It will help u by discussing with other mums the best way forward...

Hope this helps.

Wishing you the very best...if he really wants the help to come off the drugs he will need your support even if sometimes it doesnt seem like it, he will hopefully be grateful for your support and love. xx

[Boisdeslandes]

Thanks to Aresy81 for the information and the advice. We have talked all night and all day and yes I realise he needs my support and want to give him it so we are trying to work out a plan which will move us forwards.

[Androcles]

We have an alcohol addiction in our family and the hardest thing is to accept that the only person who can help them is themselves. Sadly, when you try to support them, you often, in a strange way, make things worse, because it prolongs the time before they come to the awful realisation that they only have two choices, give it up, or continue until they kill themselves. Helping them makes it easier to put the decision off, because there is the food, the care, the cash is often being provided, which make sit easier to say, just one more bottle or one more fix and I'll definitely start after that.

There was a mother came on AB, must be a year ago, who said that her alcoholic son told her that all the time she kept feeling sorry for him and "supporting him" just made it easier to avoid the unpleasant consequences of having to make that decision and that her kicking him out, was the one thing that helped him come to his senses, when he realised even his Mum who he knew loved him, had had enough.

[cascob]

Try to get him to engage with your local substance misuse team; Addaction, and also encourage him to find an Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Whilst he has you and your forgiveness to come back to each time he will not help himself. I know it is very hard as he is your son but you also have a life and he really has to want to change himself before he seeks help. They say an addict must hit 'their rock bottom' before they seek help I hope he does this before he reaches his rock bottom. I have worked in a residential rehab for several years and can understand how you are feeling. You have to remember, even though he is your son, that addicts are the best manipulators and masters at making you feel guilty. Good luck and take care of yourself.