respite care?

[catcuddler2]

i've been caring for my dad with my partner since sept 2007.although initially it wasnt full time and he could go out alone for short periods of time.
in oct 2008 he had a fall downstairs and following that it was decided he shouldnt be left unattended for his own safety as he is prone to falls

since oct it has been none stop care.i dont dislike what i do and i love doing it but ethe thing is now i am exhausted.
he can do most things for himself but he has to be constantly supervised and we dont really get any time off apart from 7 hours on a tuesday which is used to try and catch up on jobs and housework

most days i am on call from 8:30am until as late at 11pm if he doesnt sleep well.although he rarely disturbs me in the night i know as his condition progresses he will and i am ready for that

my question is should i try and arrange some sort of respite care so that me and my partner can have a rest?
initially i was only thinking a weekend as i dont want to throw him in at the deep end.i am just worried he will think if i arrange respite care he will think i am abandoning him and palming him off on someone else as its too much hassle,or that hes a burden to me and this worries me as hes prone to depression

i know deep down its what i need as i am exhausted and am too tired for even basic things,i have lost weight as i am too tired 2 want to eat and even intimate activities seem to much hassle

all i want is a short break which i havent had for over two years what do other ab-ers think?

ps i am 26

TIA
X

[jackthehat]

Crikey !
You need and deserve a break, if only to re-charge your batteries.
Make enquiries as to the nature of respite care, in your area. Your idea of an initial weekend break is ideal. Hopefully, it will introduce your Dad to the idea gently.He may be able to stay at home, or there may be a 'home' (sorry to use that word) close by which could have him.
He may enjoy meeting other people there and it could become a regular thing for him to go.........

Your first duty is to shrug off the feelingsof guilt around this. You are of less help to him if you are not firing on all cylinders.............:o)

Best of luck.

[sara3]

of course you need a break, you must be exhausted. I'm not sure who you need to contact though. most likely your GP or Social Services.

best of luck to you x

[society]

Also, seeing a new face for a change might be a good thing for your dad too.

[zzxxee]

26 years old is your dad elderly then or does he have a condition that makes him frail???
your dad could go into a respite home for a few weeks there are some good ones kind of like hotels
at 26 you should be having a bit of your own life to your still so young
all credit to you for being so caring xx

[catcuddler2]

awwww thankyou all for your kindness i suppose i already knew the answer but its easier when you hear someone else say it

my dad is 58 but his condition usually effects the over 65's but its just bad luck i guess
i do have an older sister but she doesnt help or care

i do love him to bits and will care for him til the day he dies but you are right i am exhausted and just want time off to sleep if nothing else.i know i shouldnt feel guilty but its easy to feel that was as i think well he looked after me for 20 odd years without a break
i admit i do want a bit of freedom to live my life as its very hard always having to put yourself second
thanks again you lovely AB-ers your kind words have made my dad seem better already x

[zzxxee]

do you have a social worker???

[catcuddler2]

we did but she passed us onto an o.t who closed the case for some reason

[sara3]

why don't you see if there's a website specifically for his condition? there may be some good advice there.

[ummmm]

You really do need a break.

[zzxxee]

closed probably because they thought you didnt need help as you seem to be coping so well
but there is nothing wrong with admiting you need help get back on the phome to them and say you need a break more than the 7 hours you are getting on a tues sometimes people dont even have to leave the comfort of their own home carers can be found to stay with your dad for the weekend x

[ladyalex]

You definitely need a break.
Also, your Dad sounds as though he could do with daily carers.
Get on to your Social Work department and see what they can do. If you Dad has a hospital specialist, there should be an attached Hospital Social Worker, who might be a lot better at accessing services.
Be aware that whatever care package can be arranged via Social Work, there will still be plenty for you to do........but at least you will get a little more time for yourself and have a little more peace of mind.

[DEN53]

cat - does your Dad attend hospital or clinic etc - not sure what his illness is, but if your GP knows you have been caring solely for your Dad with no outside help, I am surprised they have not suggested something before now.

Social Services will do an assessment of your needs as his carer - by the way does your Dad receive carer's allowance? if not, he is entitled to this.

I think it also depends on what area you live in - some boroughs are better than others.

My Mum is 81 and has vascular dementia - my Dad who is 80 is her main carer, with me going over to them 3 times a week. I know how exhausted you and your partner must be. After a long and drawn out process, social services have allowed my Dad a carer to sit with my Mum while he pops out to get some shopping but only for 3 hours.

You are so young my love to take on caring full time - I take my hat off to you. I know all about the feeling guilty, I feel like that every day and feel I am not doing enough.
I am an only child, so there is no one else to share with.

I may be going down the respite care route very soon with my Mum, so I know exactly how you are feeling.

There is help available cat, its just a question of putting the wheels in motion.

Good luck - you are one lovely caring daughter.

Den xx

[catcuddler2]

i do get carers everyday to help him to wash and dress but as we sometimes get different ones i have to be around if they have any questions about what to do

i just feel maybe i am being weak as other people seem to cope so much better in their caring role.if my sister would just help out occassionally it would help but she doesnt care

i do have a few health issues myself so its like a double whammy
i'm scared of him not being here but am exhausted because he is its not a nice option rest and him not here or exhaustion and have him here

i will definitely look into respite care

thanks everyone

xxx