Son's 'guilt'.

[Walterloo]

Does anyone have any advice? My 13 year-old son is growing up very fast and is currently going through a normal phase of masturbation but he is struggling with it mentally. What he is doing is 'confessing' to me, his father, at every turn, whatever he does and whenever he does it. I've told him that he has nothing to be ashamed of, that it's all normal etc, but he feels so guilty as to be almost pleading for help. He looks at pictures (easily found in the back of his Xbox magazine) and then worries incredibly about not only looking at them but because he's masturbated. I have tried for weeks now to calmly get him to be rational, that very soon he'll relax and think differently about everything, but I'm now beginning to worry myself about this because he doesn't seem to be calming down whatsoever!

[Greedyfly]

Maybe direct him towards some decent websites (obviously research them first) so that they can give him additional advice other than his parents. This may help him calm down knowing that everyone goes through similar things at that age?!

[Walterloo]

That's a very good idea Greedyfly. I will look into it myself but does anyone know of such a site?

[Greedyfly]

http://www.teenagehea...g/homepage/index.html
http://www.channel4em...s.com/teenage-bodies/
http://www.childrenfi...s.uk/teens/life/boys/
http://www.youngmenshealthsite.org/


Haven't read them just googled for a few for you to start.

[Walterloo]

Thanks Greedyfly. I will investigate.

[ummmm]

I wish my son was a little bit more embarrassed.....

[hc4361]

He may feel guillty because he has properly been brought up to respect you, other women and girls in his family and having sexy thoughts about the girls he looks at in the pictures confuses him. He would hate to think of boys thinking about his mum like that!

I would encourage your son to talk to the pastoral care at his school - they will have heard it all before.

He seems a nice, decent, thoughtful boy.

[Walterloo]

He is a decent lad. He knows what is right and wrong, but then worries too much about things too, as is clear! Thanks for your reply, hc4361,and your advice about his school. I should have come to this site sooner!

[wolf63]

It is good that you are taking this seriously. Whatever happens will impact on his dealings with women and sex in general for his adult life.

Greedyfly's idea is a good one - if he knows that he isn't the only one masturbating then he will not feel so guilty and alone.

It is good that he is able to talk to you about it too.

[Dris]

What the inside out socks lashed on the floor under the PC ummmm?????

[joko]

is there some overly religious influence in his life? a nan, aunt, school teacher? even a pals mum...

could he have heard all that sort of guilty, shameful, going to hell kind of talk from somehwre else?

i mean it must be coming from somewhere....and in fact i think its quite unusual for one so young to be so concerned about something like this - esepcially if you yourselves are telling him its fine...

if you can find out who, id have a word and ask them not to speak to your son about such things anymore...id be furious to be honset

[Walterloo]

Hi joko, good thinking, but there's nobody overly religious in his life, certainly not from our family and I'm pretty sure no one else. 95% of what he's going through at the moment is sexually orientated, but he also has the need to 'confess' to other things. The other day, out of the blue, he told me he swore at school, which was when he was with mates, not in in front of teachers. I told him of all the things for a parent to worry about, swearing comes low down in the list. It's unavoidable whilst he is at his final school, and I've told him that he should try not to do it, but that he shouldn't beat himself up about it also. He has a very organised and systematic attitude to things, he's very tidy and likes things to be right, so it probably all stems from that. I've told him this is all a phase and that other things will come into his life that will make him think more positively about things, and that I will continue to allow him to talk to me about anything, whether it's a confession or otherwise. It's certainly been good for myself to talk to people here and to be given some good thoughts and ideas.