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Depression Advice
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My other half currently works for a now doomed area of the public sector and is on the final year of training with them, his training contract runs out next year and there is no prospect of a job continuing there and he has really enjoyed it. He is the biggest worrier about things anyway and he has been gradually becoming more depressed with the lack of morale in his work environment and concern about the future.
He is contantly snapping and getting angry with me then apologising, he talks about killing himself although I'm not thinking he'll do anything, although just recently when his computer lost a few hours of work I had to stop him hitting himself over the head with a glass bottle which was pretty scary. He read an article on male depression yesterday and identified with just about everything there.
I am insisting that he goes to the doctor but he is convinced that he won't get another job if depression goes on his medical record and I can't persuade him that that would be discrimination or anything otherwise. I don't know what to do next
He is contantly snapping and getting angry with me then apologising, he talks about killing himself although I'm not thinking he'll do anything, although just recently when his computer lost a few hours of work I had to stop him hitting himself over the head with a glass bottle which was pretty scary. He read an article on male depression yesterday and identified with just about everything there.
I am insisting that he goes to the doctor but he is convinced that he won't get another job if depression goes on his medical record and I can't persuade him that that would be discrimination or anything otherwise. I don't know what to do next
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You do need to pursuade him to go to his GP.
Depression is a vicious circle, which needs to be broken, and the quickest and easiest way is with medication.
As advised, no-one will deny him a job because of his medical records, it is illegal discrimination.
You need to tell your husband that the way he feels can be treated quite simply - think of it as fine-tuning the vision on a pair of binoculars. One minute everything is blurred, then a minute adjustment, and everytghing is clear again.
Hopefully he will listen because his current situation is pure Catch-22 - the worse he feels, the less he will want to get help, the less he gets help, the worse he will feel.
Good luck - and please let us know.
Depression is a vicious circle, which needs to be broken, and the quickest and easiest way is with medication.
As advised, no-one will deny him a job because of his medical records, it is illegal discrimination.
You need to tell your husband that the way he feels can be treated quite simply - think of it as fine-tuning the vision on a pair of binoculars. One minute everything is blurred, then a minute adjustment, and everytghing is clear again.
Hopefully he will listen because his current situation is pure Catch-22 - the worse he feels, the less he will want to get help, the less he gets help, the worse he will feel.
Good luck - and please let us know.
Well he says that I'm the only thing stopping him from just doing it and keeps just mentioning it in certain conversations every week or so. I can understand sometimes feeling like you want to hit yourself but I had to physically wrestle it off him that wasn't easy.
They can get your permission to do it as he did for his current job, but I've tried explaining that it will be occupational health and not any actual employer that will see it and it should be after they are planning on offering a job anyway and if they withdraw an offer because of it they are in trouble. I just don't know what to say to get through bar dragging him down there even though he openly admits that it is how he is feeling. Will try to put forward your binocular metaphor, thanks
They can get your permission to do it as he did for his current job, but I've tried explaining that it will be occupational health and not any actual employer that will see it and it should be after they are planning on offering a job anyway and if they withdraw an offer because of it they are in trouble. I just don't know what to say to get through bar dragging him down there even though he openly admits that it is how he is feeling. Will try to put forward your binocular metaphor, thanks
Maris...I don't mean to sound harsh but it sounds like he is emotionally blackmailing you. People with real suicidal tendencies tend not to talk about it. Those that do are attention seeking. I know this from years of working in a psychiatric hospital.
How many times after a suicide have your heard family/friends express that they didn't know anything was wrong??
How many times after a suicide have your heard family/friends express that they didn't know anything was wrong??
ummmmm - I would not wish to take issue with your professional experience, but I do think there is a danger of falling into the 'Those who talk about it don't do it ...' generalisation trap.
As a Samartian, I counselled a chap who called in a couple of times a week to our centre, always talking about suicide, but in a cheerful matter-of-fact way. He visited for about three years, and we all had him pegged as a 'needs to talk - not a serious risk' case ... he gassed himself in a car.
Maris1111 - i think your husband is frightened and confused by what is happening to him - and what he sees as the prospects for it to get worse, with no relief.
Please convince him that help is at hand, he will feel better, he will get his personality back. let us know you things are going.
As a Samartian, I counselled a chap who called in a couple of times a week to our centre, always talking about suicide, but in a cheerful matter-of-fact way. He visited for about three years, and we all had him pegged as a 'needs to talk - not a serious risk' case ... he gassed himself in a car.
Maris1111 - i think your husband is frightened and confused by what is happening to him - and what he sees as the prospects for it to get worse, with no relief.
Please convince him that help is at hand, he will feel better, he will get his personality back. let us know you things are going.
I don't know I don't think he will actually do it but I don't think its just saying it for attention either I think its just how he feels at the moment but there are things in his life stopping him from acting on it if that makes sense not that I have loads of experience in this. He says he, "just wants to" do it rather than will do. But he knows it upsets me to hear it.
But then the bottle thing was when something made him flip he was really really angry and turned aggression at himself, when he calmed down he was glad I had managed to grab it. I think I need to sit him down for a long talk about it all and show him that things aren't going to get better without some help. He even admits that after this particularly stressful month or so at work is over he'll be stressing just as much over his imminent exams in December.
But then the bottle thing was when something made him flip he was really really angry and turned aggression at himself, when he calmed down he was glad I had managed to grab it. I think I need to sit him down for a long talk about it all and show him that things aren't going to get better without some help. He even admits that after this particularly stressful month or so at work is over he'll be stressing just as much over his imminent exams in December.
If it helps - his feelings and expression of them are extremely common. The Samaritans even had a poster campaign with the slogan "I don;t want to die, I just don't want to live anymore ..." which is not the contradicition it appears to be - as any depression sufferer will tell you.
Feelings of desparation, and a need to take some action to end those feelings can lead to talk of suicide, but hopefully we are a very long way from that final step.
Knowing he is loved and supported helps - and the knowledge that you realise that this 'dark side' is not the real him that you know and love.
Sadly, depression makes you hate yourself, and when you really hate yourself, you can do a pretty good job of making sure that those around you feel the same way!
But as i said, it's not real, and it won't last, so hang in there, and you will get past this.
Feelings of desparation, and a need to take some action to end those feelings can lead to talk of suicide, but hopefully we are a very long way from that final step.
Knowing he is loved and supported helps - and the knowledge that you realise that this 'dark side' is not the real him that you know and love.
Sadly, depression makes you hate yourself, and when you really hate yourself, you can do a pretty good job of making sure that those around you feel the same way!
But as i said, it's not real, and it won't last, so hang in there, and you will get past this.
Counselling in tandem with medication is the usual response to reactive depression - but like everything on the NHS, there is a waiting list.
At least if you can get him to take the first step - a GP appointment - he will feel that something is happening towards getting better, which is a good boost for both of you.
At least if you can get him to take the first step - a GP appointment - he will feel that something is happening towards getting better, which is a good boost for both of you.
my nana had a depression illness, she had come back from england with it, well anyways she went to this cottage place here in NZ and then she would have to go there every month for her check up, and then she slowly became normal again. we made sure someone was always with her even at night because she would just go for walks in the middle of the night. So maybe just go see the doctors to be on the safe side, and prayer is the best medicine to all illnesses.
All the best, and i hope he gets better. God bless. xxx
All the best, and i hope he gets better. God bless. xxx
