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Memory problems
53 Answers
My OH has a really really terrible memory. It's actually reached the point where it is no laughing matter because he simply forgets to do really important things or tell me about really important things. He has missed two medical appointments and is now going to be removed from the register which is something that we can do without given that he needs medication for depression.
I've put a calendar up on the wall on which he is meant to write down appointments, which I then check and tell him and keep reminding him. That doesn't work because he forgets to put things on the calendar!!!!! Short of frisking him when he walks in the house I just don't know what to do.
He is really distracted at the moment fighting a big legal case so that doesn't help, but can anyone suggest ANYTHING at all I can do to help him remember the stuff he needs to. Trouble is, if I tell him more than twice he accuses me of nagging and tells me to shut up so I do and then he bloody well forgets to deal with whatever he was meant to deal with.
It's really doing my box in.
I've put a calendar up on the wall on which he is meant to write down appointments, which I then check and tell him and keep reminding him. That doesn't work because he forgets to put things on the calendar!!!!! Short of frisking him when he walks in the house I just don't know what to do.
He is really distracted at the moment fighting a big legal case so that doesn't help, but can anyone suggest ANYTHING at all I can do to help him remember the stuff he needs to. Trouble is, if I tell him more than twice he accuses me of nagging and tells me to shut up so I do and then he bloody well forgets to deal with whatever he was meant to deal with.
It's really doing my box in.
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Google MAY be the answer if he is tech and gadget minded.
I use google calendar and google docs, both which can be shared with other people and accessed from smart phone or laptop. I get email alerts for things on the calendar.
I leave the alerts in the inbox until it is dealt with.
So, if I have made an appointment, I note it on my google calendar via my blackberry (£12 a month) there and then.
If I have something important other than a date I use google docs shared with my wife - a sort of 'on the go' notebook. Again accessed on my blackberry or pc.
It is inputting the info there and then that counts. If he can't be relied on to do it straight away it won't work, but at least there are no bits of paper to be lost.
Speak to your GP. Ask them to notify you if he has an appointment. Make sure he is with you when you arrange this so he can give his permission.
Make the GP understand his memory problems - it could be symptomatic of something that can be treated, or needs to be treated.
Take over responsibility for household bills, banking, insurances and so on. The less responsibility he has the better it will be for both of you, but be sure to discuss everything with him so he is still involved.
If he accepts he has a memory problem then he should be appreciative of a method to make reminders and calendar inputs there and then. He will hopefully see the benefit of it.
I use google calendar and google docs, both which can be shared with other people and accessed from smart phone or laptop. I get email alerts for things on the calendar.
I leave the alerts in the inbox until it is dealt with.
So, if I have made an appointment, I note it on my google calendar via my blackberry (£12 a month) there and then.
If I have something important other than a date I use google docs shared with my wife - a sort of 'on the go' notebook. Again accessed on my blackberry or pc.
It is inputting the info there and then that counts. If he can't be relied on to do it straight away it won't work, but at least there are no bits of paper to be lost.
Speak to your GP. Ask them to notify you if he has an appointment. Make sure he is with you when you arrange this so he can give his permission.
Make the GP understand his memory problems - it could be symptomatic of something that can be treated, or needs to be treated.
Take over responsibility for household bills, banking, insurances and so on. The less responsibility he has the better it will be for both of you, but be sure to discuss everything with him so he is still involved.
If he accepts he has a memory problem then he should be appreciative of a method to make reminders and calendar inputs there and then. He will hopefully see the benefit of it.
Barmaid - Is there any chance of going back to GP and just checking there's nothing clinical going on, you know, meds messing around with memory, and that it is just stress? I'm not remotely clinical, I'm just wondering if perhaps there is a bit more to it than just being forgetful as you said it has gotten worse and I'm wondering if the medication can do that? (I've no idea if it can, it's just a thought).
Two of the medications I've taken in the past have made me that way. I wandered through life like a zombie. It got bad enough at one point I had two cheap alarm clocks set to remind me to take them. I'd start with another medication and see what happens. Nagging is only nagging if attitude is involved.
Unfortunately medication can cause some dreadful side effects on some people, also of course depression can make things bad for memory too. I also wonder about dementia, not nice to consider but sometimes bad memory can indicate this could be a problem. Lots to look at and IMO once someone's memory gets this bad it doesn't look as though it can be changed unless you can discover the reason for it....must say if I was having to deal with it (and I am at times with OH) I would look for a medical reason first especially as it's got worse. Hope you manage Barmaid as I know how frustrating and demanding it can be on both people.
Hopkirk, you didn't cause offence, it just worried me. His forgetfulness IS extreme, that is why I am so concerned. I'm not even going to tell the worst thing he forgot to do but I was horrified.
I think he's got to get on a new GP's list and his priority (assuming I can make sure he makes the appointment) is to talk about these memory issues. I feel fairly sure they are linked to his depression and it is definitely much much worse.
We are at the stage that if I am working away, I have to phone him to remember to do things. Ie take his meds, pick up the kids, feed the cats etc etc. That's presupposing he hasn't lost his damn phone. Trouble is, I can't always do that.
I think he's got to get on a new GP's list and his priority (assuming I can make sure he makes the appointment) is to talk about these memory issues. I feel fairly sure they are linked to his depression and it is definitely much much worse.
We are at the stage that if I am working away, I have to phone him to remember to do things. Ie take his meds, pick up the kids, feed the cats etc etc. That's presupposing he hasn't lost his damn phone. Trouble is, I can't always do that.
BM - Phone the practice manager and explain the situation That there are severe memory issues and you need to talk to the GP to see if it is actually a side effect of the medication. Most GP surgeries are pretty understanding and if you explain the situation (or he does), it might well be that there's no need to register elsewhere. Don't forget there is money involved from the PCTs for keeping you as a patient, most GPs do not want to get rid of patients at all and I'm very suprised to learn yours has gone down this route. I would imagine Salla would know way more about this than me but I do think it's the sort of thing that can be sorted out with a phone call.
There's a user on here who suffers with depression (Wolf I think but I'm not sure) and I'm sure I remember her telling others that it can take a long time to get doses right and things like that so it may well be worth considering.
No idea about advice on dementia but do think you shouldn't be worrying anything until you BOTH (one of you has to remember what he said lol) go to GP and have a sit down disccussion. It could be that this is all related to stress but it could also be something as simple as trying a new medication.
Chin up love, it's rarely as bad as it seems... and when it is there's always bacon rolls and saughy blanc :c)
There's a user on here who suffers with depression (Wolf I think but I'm not sure) and I'm sure I remember her telling others that it can take a long time to get doses right and things like that so it may well be worth considering.
No idea about advice on dementia but do think you shouldn't be worrying anything until you BOTH (one of you has to remember what he said lol) go to GP and have a sit down disccussion. It could be that this is all related to stress but it could also be something as simple as trying a new medication.
Chin up love, it's rarely as bad as it seems... and when it is there's always bacon rolls and saughy blanc :c)
Sorry, having a slow typing session - not ignoring the rest of you.
I think it is med or stress or depression related, but I am no GP. Could be dementia related although I really hope not - although no history in his family and he is only 45.
It is the frustration and exasperation coming out in me tonight after today's events. We are already in a stresful situation and this is just piling the pressure on.
And you know what despite his extreme forgetfulness he always remembers our anniversary and my birthday.
I think it is med or stress or depression related, but I am no GP. Could be dementia related although I really hope not - although no history in his family and he is only 45.
It is the frustration and exasperation coming out in me tonight after today's events. We are already in a stresful situation and this is just piling the pressure on.
And you know what despite his extreme forgetfulness he always remembers our anniversary and my birthday.
Has he fully explained this problem with either his GP or the CBT person?
Anti-depressants can sometimes cause problems with memory and all other bits of the brain. I know that a change in medication can possibly help.
The court case seems to have taken over his life and become an irrational demon. I am in the midst of a period of irrational fear and panic attacks over something that somebody else would consider stupid. It has lasted almost two years this time. It is difficult to explain (as its irrational) but sometimes it seems that it is all my brain can think about.
If it were me I would get him to work out the worse case scenario regarding the case and try and get him to rationalise this information.
There is a song "Let not my heart be bothered by something I can do nothing about" and old phrase God give me the strength to change the things I can. The courage to accept the things that I cannot. And the wisdom to know the difference". It helps me to say and understand these words.
Like an addict - he has to admit that there is a problem - then the battle begins.
Susan
Anti-depressants can sometimes cause problems with memory and all other bits of the brain. I know that a change in medication can possibly help.
The court case seems to have taken over his life and become an irrational demon. I am in the midst of a period of irrational fear and panic attacks over something that somebody else would consider stupid. It has lasted almost two years this time. It is difficult to explain (as its irrational) but sometimes it seems that it is all my brain can think about.
If it were me I would get him to work out the worse case scenario regarding the case and try and get him to rationalise this information.
There is a song "Let not my heart be bothered by something I can do nothing about" and old phrase God give me the strength to change the things I can. The courage to accept the things that I cannot. And the wisdom to know the difference". It helps me to say and understand these words.
Like an addict - he has to admit that there is a problem - then the battle begins.
Susan
Dementia can set in in the twenties as it has been proven now......45 is not that unusual and its soemthing I would discuss with your health folk. Heart issues/esp stroke exposure are known factors, never mind genetics. However, from what you are indicating, it may well be depression linked.
I agree with your need to get to the bottom of it as that can make the management and, dare I say, the compassion and patience needed, easier to handle it. Also you need to find short-term, weekly etc ways to vent off and ensure your own sanity. I am keeping a diary of the mater's decline on the dementia front and now have my suspicions that it if the dreaded A and not frontal-lobal or vasuclar.....thinking of a book that may well be titled. I'm a dementia carer. Am I going mad?
I agree with your need to get to the bottom of it as that can make the management and, dare I say, the compassion and patience needed, easier to handle it. Also you need to find short-term, weekly etc ways to vent off and ensure your own sanity. I am keeping a diary of the mater's decline on the dementia front and now have my suspicions that it if the dreaded A and not frontal-lobal or vasuclar.....thinking of a book that may well be titled. I'm a dementia carer. Am I going mad?
Have you looked at the side effects from his medication? About 18 years ago I was really stressed. I was quite surprised as to how it affected my memory. I was OK with long term memories, but my short term memory was terrible and I did stupid things like putting light bulbs in my make up bag and trying to cook Ambrosia creamed rice by putting it in the fridge instead of the microwave. Maybe when his legal issues are overcome he will be OK
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