waiting for the one i love to end affair

[chill58]

i have been in relationship with a woman 10 years older than me,i am in love with her although our physical relationship had dried up due to lack of communication on my part though i am going to get counselling for help.

2 months ago she met someone and eventually told me 3 weeks ago i'm still in shock but have told her i love her,she loves me but she is physical with this other person and i feel she has got into a situation which is hard to get out of, i want to wait and see if we can try again but not sure if this is the thing to do there is a 20 year difference between her and him i'm still living in the home although see her infrequently has anyone been in a similair situation?

[lodekka]

If the intimacy has gone, it's going to be really difficult at this stage to overcome that without your partner's help, but not impossible.

Sometimes a change of air can help for you as well. It might not be best to rush into things just yet, but see how the land lies with her and if this is just a fling on her part or not.

I know getting someone new can be easier said than done, but it can awaken dormant emotions to a surprising degree.

You don't say how long your relationship has been going, so it's hard to gauge whether a fresh start is what's needed. If you're going for counselling that's a good sign as you're recognised that something needs to be done.

Good luck! Let us know how you get on.   :-)

[Maggie-Mae]

Its a difficult one as I think the way people deal with their partners having affairs is different for everyone.  You obviously love this person very much but as you say, your still in shock and I think you need to allow yourself some time to make a level decision.  When I found out my ex partner was seeing someone else it broke my heart.  Unfortunately for us, the relationship didnt survive, mainly because the trust was gone, but as I said everyones different and if you feel you can still trust your partner, then maybe you both need to give each other a little space so you can both decide how to move ahead.  Ask her if she will stop seeing the other person while you both have time to think.  Remember that a relationship is a two way street and ask her to come to counselling sessions with you so you can discuss together the problems in the relationship that led to the affair - it cant all be your fault.  Just dont let yourself be used though, if she agrees to try again then she has to break off contact with this other person entirely and you both need to be able to leave it behind and start again with a clean slate.  Good luck x

[Clare A]

You poor darling, chill. You must be wondering which way is up. All that Iodekka & Maggie-Mae have said is perfect sense.

The new relationship of your partner is, I assume, a bit newer than yours with her. It may then be a reaction to what you call 'lack of communication on [my] part'. If the 20-year difference is that the other man is younger than you again, perhaps she's seeking approval from ever-younger partners? Just a thought.

I think you might have to put your foot down and give your partner a classic 'him or me' ultimatum. If she thinks you'll hold on throughout her every little transgression, she may do it forever more.