fertility problems are destroying my life

[KateRobins]

Hi , I'm 25 and for the last 5 years me and my partner have been trying to conceive with no luck , I recently got told I had pcos which will make it hard for me to conceive and being slighty over weight due to that being a side affect of pcos , its really hard to get any one to listen and take you serious . It's getting harder and harder every single day to cope with and seeing people with babies make me so so angry and sad I just can't cope I cry myself to sleep at night because of it and it makes it much harder seeing all my friends having babies now . I just want to know if any one else have or been going thou this and how did they cope cause I'm starting to feel like It's not worth living if I can't be a mum .

[boxtops]

Kate, it's really hard for you and I do sympathise. It is very difficult these days when your friends are having babies. When I was your age, it was accepted as the norm - not every couple could conceive - yes, it was a sadness but after a while we came to terms with it. There is no point in grieving after something which together, you can't do - it was accepted that having a baby is a bonus, not a right, and for some couples it just wasn't going to happen. Forty years on, I'm glad now that I couldn't have children, my lifestyle would be very different, but at the time it was very hard. You are very young IMO, at twenty-five I was still building my career - but there are also other options you could consider at your age, like adoption, if you can't have your own children?

However, you haven't said what treatment you have been having from the doctor or from any infertility clinic - after five years, I imagine that you have been given advice and investigations by your GP? Have you and your partner been tested to see if there is a basic problem, besides your PCOS? The doctor and practice nurse will certainly take you seriously, and you need to see them anyway to see if they will refer you to someone, to talk through your feelings and help you manage the way you feel. If you slide into a depressive state of mind, that won't help, but you can be helped with that - but you need to ask for the help and I know myself how difficult that is.

You posted some hours ago so I hope you see this and get some other good postive replies, to help you. Good luck - keep posting on here, it does help.

[WELSHYORKIE]

Kate, I would echo what boxy has said. Have you maybe thought about short term fostering? Perhaps your local Social Services require short term carers? Whatever, I wish you well and hope that you can resolve your situation quickly.

[rowanwitch]

Been there ...not with PCOS but another condition.... first thing get you doctor to see how depressed you are...and ask for a referral to a) a counselor and B) if not already to a gynaecolgist with special interest in fertility ....ideally at a major centre not the local general. Patient choice means it isa lot easier for patients to be referred out of area.

then 3) low fat sugar free diet as if you were a diabetic this works better than low carbing if you have PCOS apparently. One of my best friends is being treated at the moment And remeber you are fairly young so there is lots of time to work through the treatment 'escalator'
If it helps I felt like pushing 'those smug pregnant c0ws' (as I saw them at the time) under tube trains Your feelings are normal but you do need help dealing with them by the sound of it

[honey33]

hi i know exactly what you are going through i have been trying for 3yrs me and fiance have had all the tests and everything looks ok so i am classed as UNEXPLAINED INFERTILITY... i wish they had found something wrong with me so it could be fixed but im left hanging even more now... im 37 and trying for my 1st and its so so hard knowing that i may never be a mother...... i go on a discussion forum c at www.netmums.co.uk... there are loads of ppl on there who will give you support come and join us

[KateRobins]

Thank you all so much

[angiealf]

Have you looked into IVF?
I have pcos, but am in my 40's so age wise it probably wouldn't work also couldn't afford it.
But you on the other hand are young enough to go for it. It is very costly so finances will have to be considered. And it doesn't always work the first time so the cost can mount up. But think of the possible result .........
My fiance and I have spoken about adoption but we have quite a few other health problems between us that may go against us.
Good luck Kate xxx

[Old_Geezer]

I don't have much experience with fertility problems but I can say that whatever the point of life is, it can't be simply to have offspring, or indeed is unlikely to have any single issue answer. Were it to be so then my life would be pointless since I have no offspring. I wish you luck with your quest for kids, but try not to think of it as the only thing that makes life worthwhile, as it can't be the case. You will have touched many throughout life and done numerous things that make a difference.

[redcrx]

the depression that you have mentioned on your other thread may also be a factor in this, not just the PCOS. When you were diagnosed with the PCOS did the GP give you any information about conceiving? i think clomid is one drug thats used.

you should see GP about your depression and try and deal with that first maybe

[rowanwitch]

according to friend with PCOS being treated at a major centre normal first treatment is to treat insulin resistance with metformin and also try to achieve a 'normal ' bmi if you are overweight,

[woofgang]

"Old_Geezer
I don't have much experience with fertility problems but I can say that whatever the point of life is, it can't be simply to have offspring, or indeed is unlikely to have any single issue answer. Were it to be so then my life would be pointless since I have no offspring. I wish you luck with your quest for kids, but try not to think of it as the only thing that makes life worthwhile, as it can't be the case. You will have touched many throughout life and done numerous things that make a difference."

What he said.
Fertility problems cannot destroy your life if you don't allow them to. Us females are at the mercy of our hormones and society conditioning in this respect. Society still "expects" us all to have children and our hormones make us vulnerable to this message. As redcrx has said, it may be helpful to see a doctor about your depression and get your thoughts and feelings sorted out before you continue in your quest to conceive. Nearly 40 years ago I was almost where you are. No PCOS but no babies either. There is a full happy life possible without children and we only get one go on this earth. By all means try for what you want, but if it turns out that you can't have it, don't waste your life.

[barb1314]

I feel for you Kate,been there and no children. Not PCOS but tube damage...had loads of medical procedures with no result then finally got pregnant at 38 and had an ectopic pregnancy. I had all the feelings you are having about pregnant women. I was too late for NHS IVF and couldn't afford private. OH didn't want to foster and I couldn't force him obviously.
Your life certainly isn't wasted,it feels like you're a failure but you definitely aren't. I drew the line at 40 and lead a fulfilled life. My nieces and nephews are hard work!! I'd have a chat with your GP and maybe look at the forum which was mentioned to get some support from others who are going through what you are. Please don't despair,time is on your side and these days,there are so many treatments available. Being so stressed won't help.It's a vicious circle. I just want to say all the luck in the world to you and I hope you get the help you need.Take care xxx

[goldenbolls]

this is the gods honest truth, after me and my wife were trying for a couple of yrs we went to 2 doctors they both told me i could not have children, 2 fertility tests after the docs told me my sperm was very small in number and very "lazy " basically they said no i couldnt have kids, we were seriously thinking about ivf within the next few months after that and we started saving up. then i done some research, i read on internet that whilst having sex get your partner to lie on her back after wards with a pillow behind her backside and legs up and keep them closed, and lie there for a good while, me and my wife tried this for few months, hey presto, we now have a beautifull baby daughter, and no question shes mine either , she,s my double. good luck

[boxtops]

That's a lovely story, goldenballs - congratulations to you both.

I do agree with what's been said before - I know, after the same problems many years ago, I too have settled to a very happy life without children. It's not selfish, it's not unfulfilled, but not everyone should feel that having a child is a right these days. I feel deeply for Kate as I know completely self-absorbing all this becomes - but I can only endorse what I said before and others have too - go see your doctor, as the first step.