Why won't he just go ?

[jeno]

I treat my partner badly ( i think ) it's more like a friendship relationship after 10 years together . I feel as if i use him for his car because he takes me to places, i have only got to ask and he will do things for me . I tend to just use him i can't help it . I feel as if we have just drifted apart and i say to him why don't you go and meet somebody who will give you a better life but he says he doesn't want anyone else . Any ideas what i can do ? thanks

[carmalee]

not all of us are as so dilligent as JTh- nor indeed should we all be required to look at past history in order to answer a question -we answer what's posted at the time - if all the info isn't presented then it's no wonder some of the answers are way off - btw JTH is one of the good guys imo - she just happened to highlight a very relevant point.

[Old Salt]

I really feel sorry for you jeno,

Only when you get to my age will you realise just how much you have thrown away.

It's probably too late now, but, I can assure you, you will live to regret your cavalier actions

However, as with all draft-animals, there comes a time to put them out of their misery.

OS

[piggynose]

so is the grass always greener?

[RATTER15]

Have a little dignity and tell him to leave or at least how you feel.

It really isnt nice to use him like that.

[jeno]

Hi All,
Thank you all for the advice and comments it as really given me thing's to think about .Can i just clarify that we have been together for 10 years and have a 2 and half year old daughter but we don't live together anymore . My partner and i split up a year after my daughter was born and we both have seperate homes which works out well for my daughter as my partner lives literally 5 minutes away in the car. We both make sure that my daughter doesn't see any arguing and she is a happy little girl and we both split times looking after her whilst we both work . This side works.

What doesn't work is me and my partner we have more of a friendship love we do go out together as a family but there is no romance really in this , we have sex ( now and again ) to help each other out i guess.But surely we should both have better lives than this , i want to be with someone who i can't wait to see and welcome home but we just don't have that spark anymore in truth i think it was only there the first couple of years . I am unhappy or wanting something but not in a way that it affects my daughter she is my main priority and always will be . I don't want to just jump into a relationship i am not like that .
I have been wowed by an ex partner / friend because he has the words that make you feel good he knows how to cheer you up and make you feel special . I think he is lovely but i also think he can be selfish so i am by no means ready to rush into anything with him . He is just my crutch to lean on at the moment.
I just want my partner to be happy and to meet someone nice and make that split because at the moment we are just going round and round in circles . I think it is best all round . We can't just keep surviving like we are .
Thank you for reading this i am not deeply unhappy just think i want something more in my life xx

[ummmm]

If you don't live in the same house why are you asking 'why won't he go'

The only thing that's keeping tied to the relationship is the occasional jump up. Stop sleeping with him...or having any sexual/romantic moments. Then it's nothing more than two parents getting along and putting their childs interests first.

[NoMercy]

You say you love him, he clearly loves you. Unless there is more to it than just the Grass-is-greener-syndrome, why don't you try working on your relationship, first by trying to re-inject some of the spark?

[daisya]

Have to agree with ummmm there, you seem to be keeping it alive especially as you don't live together. You can be separate and friends for your child's sake, so I don't understand why you want him "to go"....he's gone hasn't he, you just need to let go!!

[RATTER15]

>>>> I treat my partner badly ( i think ) it's more like a friendship relationship after 10 years together . I feel as if i use him for his car because he takes me to places<<<<

Have a little dignity, tell him the truth!!!

[boxtops]

If you don't love him, and are staying "together" for the sake of your daughter, tell him so. If you split up then you have to do it properly, consider your daughter's welfare, etc. You have to be brutally honest with him, tell him you don't love him any more and the relationship is going nowhere, so you want out. Then sort out maintenance and child access, and draw a line under the relationship. It's sad but it's true, IMO, some of us have been there.

[sara3]

I still think you're being very disrespectful to the man you still call your partner, and also sending mixed messages to your child.

if he still has feelings for you, you're leaving him open to a lot of heartache. ummmm is right, build a friendship for your child's sake.. but leave it at that and make sure he knows the score.