am i wrong in doing this?

[kristaljade]

i am wanting to send a letter to my husbands floozy as was, telling her that we are now very happy with a little boy etc. i dont know her new address so will send it to her parents address. i really want them to know what she has done in the past as they think she is an angel, wonderful daughter. if i write urgent on the letter and leave it unsealed im hoping they get to read it. its been hard to move on, my inlaws think my husband is wonderful too, maybe they should find something lying around too when they come and visit us. so basically without defaming the character of his floozy, can his floozy take the letter to the police. i know you will probably say it is wrong what i am doing but i have so much pent up anger in me and i want her parents to know.

[joko]

i agree with pink kittens...she may be as hurt and betrayed as you ...

also be aware that she may take some kind of revenge back on you for hurting her parents...

i know i would...if you upset my parents i would make sure you regretted it...

[madmaggot]

You're very happy now? Really? Then why are you wanting to keep the whole thing going by letting his parents know and perhaps bringing her back into your lives by writing a nasty letter to her? Think again.

[sallybb]

So you've got your husband back, but your still angry and bitter so you feel the need to retaliate and hit out at the 'floozy'. As someone else said it takes two to tangle. Leave it!!!! Life is too short.

[Old_Geezer]

I think if you pick at a blemish then it never heals.
Strikng out is natuaral and seem right at he time. In retrospect it is unworthy; and it hurts more than the ones who have hurt you.
It's your choice though. Since you have been hurt I won't dictate, but as you asked, find the strength to leave it well alone, is my advice. Anger is usually destructive. Find ways to control and ease it rather than feed it.

[Brenden]

The best revenge is to be happy with your husband

[Robinia]

You've been letting this eat away at you for a long time and no good would come from sending a letter. Think of your little boy & his future happiness. Try talking to someone such as Relate
http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html

[grasscarp]

Kristal. If you are really happy why would you want to destroy it. You are suggesting as well as stirring up the past (when presumably you werent happy) then that will make you feel good. It may have the opposite effect when your husband goes to her defence when she (undoubtedly) contact him to ask him to control you. Then you want his parents to know as well, so this will cause him, and ultimately you distress and maybe much worse. Read your own post. If you are really so happy build on it - dont destroy it. If you are not happy, and still festering and seeking revenge, then do what others have suggested and split up.

[Brinjal]

Ley it go. You have to moveon. See a counciller if necessary but you have to let it go. You also need to sort out how you feel about your husband. Do you really still love him or are you just hanging on becuase your not sure what else to do at the moment. We all get one go at this life and we all deserve to be happy so dont stay in an unhappy marriage just to spite the other woman or even your husband because you dont anyone els to have him. You need to take stock of what you want from life. But leave the other woman alone she isnt worth the upset.

[Razzle2011]

Sounds like a lot of anger towards your husband is displaced onto the 'floozy'....and let's face it she is an easy target by the sounds of it...Good luck whatever you decide.....It is difficult when you are hurting not to want everyone else to hurt the same as well...R

[brenda]

Please don't do this ---why cause hurt to other people who are not involved?
Let things go , work on your marriage together-- a much better idea in my view.

[NOX]

Yeah it's a brilliant idea send it, then what will happen is floozy's parents will have a go at floozy, floozy will contact your husband to have a go at him about why you're acting like such a psycho, he'll fall instantly and passionately in love with her again and ditch you and your son. Sounds like a plan doesn't it?
Don't be so flaming ridiculous- if you really are happy ( you really don't sound it, you just sound very vengeful) then just let it go and enjoy your life- far better revenge.

[Brinjal]

Ouch Nox a bit vitriolic but I actually kinda agree with you

[madmaggot]

You really need to decide whether you're able to draw a line beneath this episode in your lives and let it go. If you can't it will destroy the relationship. Do you really want to stay with your husband or do you want to 'win' so that he can't be with her? Give it a lot of thought, if there's anything else you need to talk through with him do so now, then either mutually agree that is the last you will say about it or agree to part.

[Nay35]

OMG!!! Please don't do that its SO immature. Don't lower yourself to their level. Good Luck

[boxtops]

^^ what NOX said.

Write the letter if you must, but then burn it - move on. You say you are all very happy - then draw a line under it under the past. You think she really wants to know what he's doing now? - why should she, she won't feel remorse, will her parents really care? It's all water under the bridge.

[kristaljade]

i wasn't questioning my marriage but thanks for the counselling replies. i was questioning if she could go to the police or not as the facts would be true in the letter.

[andy-hughes]

If this individual did go to the police, it is unlikely that they would get involved, unless there was a specific threat in the wording of the letter, which is classed as 'threatening behaviour' - an arrestable offence.

I do hope that you have considered your proposed actions over this issue.

i think most posters agree that nothing good will come out of your proposed actions - for anyone, including you.

The best action is to park this and move on - as hard as that may seem.

i think we all understand your desire to hit back and repay in kind some of the hurt you have suffered, but your wish will not be fulfilled, and it will only delay the healing process you need to get past all this.

[kristaljade]

i really honestly do feel that if i do this, i will feel so much better. it cannot make me feel any worse should things follow, if i go down, we all go down or whatever the saying is. ive been through so much and want her to think we are happy with kids and for her parents to know just what she is like. yes, i know its probably immature but it will feel like i am releasing some of the pain and putting it on to someone else, ive held it far too long.

[JonnyBoy12]

Sorry to chicken out here but do not know the whole story and am not an agony aunt. Can not really help you here so not sure what to do.

[boxtops]

You won't, kristal - you may write it and send it, but then the next stage is you will be wondering what effect it's had, did they receive it - etc. You will be causing chaos to someone else that you and your husband no longer have anything to do with - she's bound to contact your husband if only to have a rant at him. Do what we've said, write it down to get it out of your system, then BURN IT.