I Never Seem To Be Recognised

[chrissa1]

I've just come back from Sainsburys quite sad and upset. I spotted a couple of acquaintenances who, if I'd been with my husband, would have recognised me and we would have chatted.
My late husband was always a larger than life figure and although I'm no shrinking violet, I always have to say, "Hi it's C, D's wife". I know I should have just gone up to them and said hello but couldn't bring myself to do it.

I just feel sad and rather lonely.

[jno]

you do need to promote yourself sometimes. You're in transition from being part of a couple to being a unique person of your own, and you can make as much or as little of the opportunity as you want. But don't let ties to old friends wither unless you really want to.

[rowanwitch]

hi chrissa give it time it may be people do recognise you but for reasons best known to themselves just feel awkward about acknowledging you as they dont know what to say after hi how are you. Larger than life characters cast a larger than life shadow which takes abit longer to fade away,,,be confident in your own value as you sound like a lovely lady

[chrissa1]

I think the chap recognised me but wasn't sure and the wife didn't see me. I thought that there might have been a better chance on another aisle but there wasn't. I just couldn't bring myself to shove my face in there's and say hello.

[jno]

who not? That's what people do when they bump into each other. Did you leave all that sort of thing to your husband? I think you should try doing it for yourself now - or they'll think you're snubbing them for some reason and that would just make matters worse.

[Old_Geezer]

Smile & wave next time. See if you get a response.
Life can be unfair at times, you need to push yourself to get the result you want. Even when internally you just don't feel up to it. Problem is, no one is going to do these things for you.

[chrissa1]

I didn't have to jno, he was instantly recognisable. Don't know why.

[Ann]

How sad for you. It does seem cruel but I think its just that people really don't know what to say in the circumstances so they pretend not to see you ...... if you know them well, just touch their arm and give them a smile and say "hello so and so - nice to see you"

[bednobs]

hiya, i think it's probably likely they did recognise you. People are strange and after a bereavement will often go out of their way to avoid you because they are either afraid of making you cry or just simply do not know what to say.
I have found this out the hard way. Since my children died, people actually cross the street to avoid me and i sometimes wondr whether phones actually work both ways. I'm sure they don't mean to be so hurtful but they are

[Ellipsis]

> I think the chap recognised me but wasn't sure

That's me all over. I am great with names and numbers but terrible with faces. I think a lot of men are similar, although in my case I think it comes from growing up with very poor eyesight.

I have upset people who think I've blanked them but I honestly (to their astonishment) either didn't see them or didn't recognise them.

I guess what I'm saying is you have to be prepared to make the first move ...

[rsvp]

chrissa1 it's going to be up to you to take the initiative - greet people, be yourself and friendly and you'll have helped them get over their awkwardness of accepting you as a person in your own right. As has been said, people probably aren't too sure how to behave. xx

[chrissa1]

I think I'm being stupid and need to pull myself together. Compared to you bednobs, my upset is nothing. Thank you for your thoughts all.

[Eastender]

People can be so cruel. They most probably felt awkward, and not sure what to say to you. Hold your head up and next time say hello, if they snub you again, then thats something they have to live with. Dont let them get you down be strong. Take care x

[anneasquith]

oh, dont be upset chrissa, you are allowed to feel sad and upset. its such a short time since your hubby died, and then you had lots of " stuff " to deal with, my solution to everything.............. dont leave home without your lipstick. ♥ take care, anne

[mumsie_wumsie]

I was in the same position when my husband died. Some people openly went out of their way to avoid me. But hang on in there, true friends will shine through. My thoughts are with you, please don't be upset, some of these people really aren't worth it.

[joko]

perhaps they dont want to have to talk about your husband etc..?

also if your husband was larger than life, did you usually just stand there and let him do all the talking?

if so, unfortunately some may have taken taht as you were a bit stand offish or rude becxause you didnt join in...and so think you wont want to talk?

[bednobs]

don't be silly chrissa!

[chrissa1]

I'm not bednobs. I mean it.

Anneasquith, didn't you read about my wedding experience? I was a little lady in a big hat, unable to walk in her kitten heels who Then realised she HAD forgotten her lipstick..... You've gotta laugh.

[DTCwordfan]

Grief also carries on far longer than is first thought - and there is a tendency for folk to think - "well it's been three or six months since x died and they ought to be over it." You are not and though the pain abates, it is still there and naturally should always be, the "event" gets put into perspective as life progresses - folk can be very odd in their acceptance of the death or tragedy of others and in making the approach to the bereaved or those who have lived through an incident......

Its a funny thing (wrong phrase) but death affects all of us at some point.....

[bednobs]

yep, despite recent medical advances, the mortality rate remains around 100%