Why do people

[tinkerbell23]

Say the most hurtfull things?

And is it normal for a mother to say it to a child? X

[naomi24]

Like what?

[daisya]

What has been said.....sometimes people have to get their hurt out and hurt the ones they love which is sad but it happens unfortunately.

[jackthehat]

Not normal but sadly neither is it uncommon.......

[notasyoungasiwas]

Human nature ..

[tinkerbell23]

Liiiiike - im only where i am cos of her (not true-)

Liiike no wonder my (abusive) ex got rid of me..(he didnt it was mutual)

No wonder i dont have anyone in my life (been single
For 3yrs) x

[Mamyalynne]

She may even be a bit or more jealous Tinks - not nice things to say. You know they are wrong but hard to hear from your Mum. xxx

[daisya]

That's awful Tinks....hurtful that's for sure....seems she is getting back at you for something she has been hurt by. I know my mother did too for me...some awful things said that I will never forget so I do empathise with you and send you a gentle hug as I know what it's like.

[notasyoungasiwas]

My Mum (who I love with all my heart) has frequently said hurtful things to me in the course of my life and we often haven't spoken because of it. I forgive her, but I'll never forget. Like I said tinks, it's human nature to hurt those you love, but God knows why.

[naomi24]

Oh dear. Jealousy is certainly a possibility - as is resentment. How did she treat you when you were little?

[emmie]

they often do, perhaps without thinking of the consequences, human nature i guess, but if its hurtful, then it takes time to heal, and sometimes it never does.

[China Doll]

Mothers are only human and like most humans can also be bum holes at times... sometimes it gets to the stage where you have to consider whether a blood tie is really worth the hurt. I hope that's not the case in this instance and things can be mended somehow.

[tonywiltshire]

I think saying hurtful things to other people and often being abusive is a sign of low self-esteem, they make themselves feel better by putting you down.

[daisya]

If you are close enough to ask why she has said what she has....maybe you will get some answers and closure too. Sometimes it's not easy to forget but sometimes you can forgive when you know the reason....x

[ummmm]

It's not nice things to say.

Focus on the positive....remember how good she was when they went away :-) xx

[craft1948]

I would never dream of saying such things to my daughter..........well not when I was sober.

[tinkerbell23]

Could easily have punched her there! Thanks guys just had to vent there!

Its bad enough as some of u will
Know i was feeling a bit.."off" recently and this jus does not help xx

[daisya]

Hugs Tinks....can't be nice for you like it wasn't for me...she said she wished she'd never given birth to me...I've never forgotten....I would never ever say such a thing to my daughter.

[tinkerbell23]

Oh..yeah ive had that too :0(

Hugs returned. >--:0)--<

Xx

[naomi24]

Don't let it get you down, Tink. When people bully, or are nasty for no particular reason, the problem is always theirs.

[Eve]

The way I look at it you can rarely change a person, you can only change your attitude towards them. I used to get upset at all kinds of things (I won't repeat them here) which to me are really hurtful but to my mum it is trying to be helpful. We see some things in different ways and it took me a long time to realise that it's just different ways of being and taking things.

It was more evident to me a few years back when I told her about something my ex had said to me (weight/looks related) which I found really hurtful and mum said it she just saw it as him trying to be helpful. I can't see how she sees it that way and vice versa. I said it didn't help me and just made me feel awful and I think that made her think as she had said similar things and hadn't realised how I took it as I'd never say, I'd bottle it and feel awful in myself.

We're not going to change each other but by a bit more communication and understanding (that we take things differently) it has helped a lot.

It doesn't solve all but I look at myself too and what I need to do and say and perfect example when I was in hospital last week and was hoping they'd just say they'd come up and help me out but I faffed around it hoping they'd just sort it for me then had a word with myself, rang them yesterday, asked them outright to come up and sorted directions etc... and they've been up today and have been an absoloute godsend, Dad's sorted my garden, mum's helped me give the house a good clean so I can concentrate on getting better and back to work, and instead of stressing my head out about everything and being grumpy and upset I've managed to get some rest (feel so much better), ring and sort out some medication issues, get some more meds, get onto my landlord about some stuff in the house which has been driving me mad like a broken washing machine and feel so much better and less stressed.

It just took me looking at my approach and not just thinking that anything other than what I think should happen or be (or not) should be but the active part I can play in making it better for myself.

I look at it that there are so many good things that I sort what I can sort and some things I will never understand and just have to bite my tongue and move on from - I'm quite sure she probably feels the same way about me sometimes :)