Do you have a member of family that has you running around after them or is no help?

[Jenarry]

I certainly do. i have two people in my close family who are really bothering me at the moment.
i'm feeling really wound up right now and i could go on a long rant about it but i won't.
My bf says that i've just got to accept that they are people who are just happy to not be doing much and who put in little effort.
i can cope with this and the running around after them but sometimes it gets too much (like tonight). especially if it starts affecting others around me. :O(

[bellazella]

Can you give us a bit more about the situation

[Jemisa]

Yes definately, My Cat Ella

jem

[bellazella]

Ok

[Zacs-Master]

Whom else is it affecting?

[ummmm]

No...but I have an Aunt (by marriage) that runs around after my Nan and Grandad, and their affairs are seriously complicated. I don't how we, as a family, would cope without her.

[VHG]

>>>>Do you have a member of family that has you running around after them...

I think you need to look at this another way, such as:

Why do I let myself be talked in to running around after a member of my family.

If somebody wants to "run around" then let them run around, not your job to help them do the running around.

Just sit back and relax and let them get on with it.

[ummmm]

*know

[jno]

good advice from VHG. You can't change other people's behaviour but you can change your own. Stop running and rest!

[Jenarry]

ok bellazella but it may end up being that long rant. :O(
it's lots of little things that are building up . i have to run around after my brother every other wednesday getting his dole money because he has never managed to get a bank account so it goes into mine. running around after him between these wednesdays so he can borrow money off me because he runs out.having a birthday party tomorro for my son but instead of helping me he is going to cause me more work because i have to run around after him again before the party when i have other things to worry about.
and my mum having recently retired and talking about doing xy and z with my son and niece for the last yr whenever she talked about retiring but the reality has been very different. :O(

[Jenarry]

there is more to the story and it's such an ongoing thing. :O(
i do need to stop this .i realise it is me that is allowing this to happen.

[tinkerbell23]

Sometimes you have to look after number 1 jenarry!!

I took a "step back" from things a while ago and its the best thing i ever done xx

[Zacs-Master]

i can cope with this and the running around after them but sometimes it gets too much (like tonight). especially if it starts affecting others around me. :O(

Doesnt sound like your coping too well.

[Jenarry]

I'm coping. just getting blumming stressed and wish they could be more of a help than a hinderance. :O( i asked my mum to babysit a couple of wkends ago before my son had changes to his healthcare made as i thought it may be the last chance in a while but my mum turned it down due to going to a leaving do with her ex workplace for a lady who she worked under , never got on with , who made her working life hell and in my mums words 'if i'd known she was leaving i would've stayed on a bit longer' .and she was going to her leaving party!!? i don't understand this and it completely bugged me after hearing her go on about this woman for yrs. :O(
i just don't understand that at all.

[ummmm]

My Mum has babysat twice. The 3rd time I asked her, in as many years, she said she was cleaning her bedroom. I never asked her again.

[Jenarry]

i'm getting like that ummm. i hadn't asked for ages and when i have recently there's been a no everytime. and if i wait for her to offer it will be a long long wait. :O( shame cos my dad loves spending time with little guy and snatches my hand off whenever i mention anytime together but my mum is not as enthused obviously.

[lcg]

ok....no.1: tell your brother to get a bank account or phone the dole office and get it cancelled from your account. he can get his money sent to his address in the form of a cheque he cashes at the post office.

no.2: while not running round after him re: dole money, also refuse to be his local branch of sister bank ltd. i'm sure you have your own problems and financial needs that your focus should be trained upon.

no3: i had the same problem with my mum for years. it did used to bug me and cause me loads of grief, but i have now accepted that i will never have the relationship i want from her because of her behaviour and attitude. i just leave her to get on with it and expect nothing from her so i cannot be disappointed.

as others have pointed out, you have let yourself be treated in this way. would your mum and your brother do this for you? it doesn't sound like it....so why do you let them do it to you? it can be very empowering to accept something for what it is and actually look after your own needs. it's not selfish to do this....your mother and brother are the selfish ones and have caused you stress and heartache in doing so. look out for no:1 - if you don't no-one else will and you need to be their for your children and give yourself the life you deserve (and can achieve). please put your foot down and tell them where to go! x

[ummmm]

But it's not a sign of weakness for not being able to say no to them. It's because you're nice x

Look at the positives^^

You are the nicer person here. Although it's not something to gloat about, it is something to be proud of.

[Jenarry]

you are so right lcg76. i wish for a more hands on mum but i should get used to the idea that's not going to happen whether she's working or retired.:O(
as for my brother..yes i need to put my foot down .
i have hinted more than once that it's all a bit of a pain him using my bank account but he chose not to hear it. :O(

[Jenarry]

aaah. thankyou ummm. that's the 2nd nice thing someone has said to me today, :O)

[Mamyalynne]

When you are a nice person. as you obviously are - the hardest word to say is 'No' but remember to be kind to yourself. Brother needs to get his life in order and Mum will be who she will be, you will never change them , just adapt.

Take care ♥