Expensive hen do. Do i go?

[strawberryfields]

My cousin and his partner of 15 years are getting married. His partners bridesmaid has invited me to the hen do-which costs £100. I feel like its a bit much to ask somebody to pay £100 for a do that i have no control over-it seems like its going to be a nice night, with drinks, dinner and stripper included, and value for money compared to some other hens ive heard of-but i think £100 is quite steep for my circumstances at the mo, and plus i dont really drink. Am i being tight? money is really short for me at the moment and the dilemma is i am the godmother of one of their children and i feel obliged to go. I haven't got back to the organiser yet about but i did let on that i was in a bit of financial difficulty and i would see-this was about a month ago. Tonight my cousin sent a round robin email stating how he was dissapointed that were are not participating in the hen night and how important it was for them to include us in their wedding when other people were cut out, and that they wanted us to represent him and the family at the hen night." I thought that email was a little pressurising and innappropiate, as i didnt think going to hen do was mandatory. I am now going-but £100 lighter with no idea of where im going or what im eating. Am i right or wrong to be upset?

[cazzz1975]

I think thats a lot of unnecessary pressure and guilt to lay on you, personally I would have not gone, as you are going you are right to feel miffed at the manner in whic you were invited, It may not be all bad wait until the event itself, you may be pleasantly surprised and have a good time.

[joggerjayne]

LOL DT ... very good!

Boxy ...

"Getting ratted, playing with sex toys in public, making a show of yourselves"

What's that got to do with getting married? Nothing. But hey ... it's hard to improve on that as a night out.

Oh, yes, hang on ... don't forget the stripper.

[gness]

I think the fact that no women from his side of the family are able to go and he is having to send a round robin to drum up guests says it all. You are probably not alone in your feelings. You have said you will go so I hope you do enjoy the evening but in your shoes I would be furious and you should do as rowan says about speaking to your cousin. Maybe a cheaper wedding present to compensate for being forced to part with £100!

[boxtops]

JJ, your idea of a good night out is obviousoly very different from mine :-)

[joggerjayne]

Oh, I don't know, Boxy.

Get ratted.

Get loud.

Go gambling.

Hit the clubs on the seafront.

Try to get home without being arrested.

That's the basic formula for any night out, really.

Maybe a few small variations, depending where you live.

[boxtops]

LOL - formulate that for me, then

Never drink more than two drinks
Don't gamble (can't afford it)
Don't do to clubs (none round here, and not my scene)

:-)

[starone]

Too late now, but you should have been up front with them and said you didn't have 100 pence, leave alone 100 pounds. I see by your other post you are saving to move out, this will be £100 less for you and longer for you to wait. Always puzzled me why you should have to pay for your own entertainment. I reckon the bridegroom should pay.

[boxtops]

... or the bride, it's her party.

[joggerjayne]

Formulation for Boxy ...

Never drink more than two drinks ...

Make them big ones.

Don't gamble (can't afford it) ...

Entrance to the casino is free. Take in, say, £10, and play on the small stakes BlackJack tables, and then watch the people playing Poker.

Don't do to clubs (none round here, and not my scene) ...

Bit tricky, that one. Not really my scene either. But sometimes, you're walking home along the prom, and there's a crowd, and the music is pumping out, and you just think ... oh, come on, let's go in.

[starone]

Yes, you are right boxtops, as long as one of them pays.

[Ratty2E]

You should'nt be blackmailed in to going if you don't want to go. Their guest list and their extravagant wedding has nothing to do with it and certainly nothing to do with you. I would'nt spend £100 going on a hen night even if I had it, infact being trapped all night with a gang of drunken raucous women sounds like my idea of hell. You've agreed to go now but you have every right to feel upset about it in my opinion.

[EvianBaby]

I know it's a lot of moneys tight but 100 isn't really that much for a whole night out. I don't do it often but whenever I have a proper night out I could easily get through £100, especially if the meal is included.

It was a bit off for him to get in touch with you like that but I can see it from their side too, if you're the only female family member I can understand them wanting you there. They obviously think more of you than they do of others. Don't bother about getting them a wedding gift, they probably won't even notice.

[jomifl]

Let your relatives themselves pay to massage their own egos, it sounds as if you have grown up but they haven't. Why do people follow these traditions so blindly and in such a formulaic manner? I've been in restaurants a few times when a hen 'do' has happened and seeing a bunch of cackling drunken women make complete @rses of themselves is not a nice sight.

[joggerjayne]

"a bunch of drunken women make complete arses of themselves"

Surely ... "having fun" ??

=0)

One thing to be wary of ... is this £100 for everything?

It will be a bit much if you turn up and they ask you for another £40 for the drinks kitty.

[boxtops]

£100 isn't that much for a night out? for one person? - we obviously live on different planets!

[sfby]

"nice night" - "stripper included"

Oxymoron....

[Mosaic]

Trust your instincts. I'm with you - too much, not what you want, don't go.

[EvianBaby]

I suspect our nights out are probably very different Boxtops.

[joggerjayne]

"nice night" - "stripper included"

sfby ... I don't think that's an oxymoron ... I think it's a tautology, ha ha.

[cathfromsaron]

this is all i am hearing recently! people with lots of money organising expensive dos and roping everyone in without consultation!

my daughter has just paid more than that to go to edinburgh for an old schoolfriend's hen do! she is not as well off as the bunch, and had to forego other treats to save for it! AND she thought they were paying for the bride in the cost ,but they weren't!

i don't think you are wrong to feel upset, and the hen do is surely not the important thing in their priorities?