Good Joke?

[Scullywoo]

Go on, tell me one??!

[libertie]

Redhead goes to the docor, doctor I'm in agony all over - what do you mean he says, well, when I touch my elbow with my finger its agony, when I touch my knee with my finger its agony, when I touch my chest its agony, hmm says the doctor you're not a natural redhead are you, no she replies I'm a blonde, yes thought so he said, you're finger is broken!

[jno]

Irishman goes for a job on a building site, so the foreman says 'I'd better give you an IQ test. Do you know the difference between a joist and a girder?' The Irishman says 'To be sure, to be sure, joist wrote Ulysses and girder wrote Faust.'

[Bob A Job]

There are 10 types of people who understand binary.

Those who do, and those who dont.

[MargeB]

lol

llollol

[cassimer]

Im so sorry, I'm stupid I know, but MargeB can you explain your french navy joke... embarrassed to have to ask..

[MargeB]

To the water, it is time. Or, as the french would say, "A l'eau, c'est l'heure'.

[hannah333]

My fave joke is the Peter Kay one...

A guy was going to a fancy dress party and on the way there, he sees a friend, dressed all in green, giving a girl a piggy back. On asking him who or what he is dressed as, the guy replies, 'Im a tortoise!' Still confused, he asks who the girl on his back is, to which his friend replied, 'That's Michelle!!!'

[Bob A Job]

William Shakespeare walks into a pub, and the landlord says

'Get out, Ya' Bard'

[Bob A Job]

A guy arrives at a fancy drees party, naked except for a large pair of Y-fronts with 'Premature Ejaculation' written on them.

 

When asked the guy said 'Ive come in my pants'

[hopalong]

A guy says to him mate that this was his lucky day.
Why? he asked
Well, lying in bed a hugh lump of concrete fell on my bum
Why is that lucky he asked?
Well 10 seconds earlier it would have been my head

[cat woman]

A blond girl walks into a bar!

 

 

OUCH!!!!

[morg_monster]

did you hear what the new national anthem of Iraq is?

"I got you babe" ... reuniting Sunni and Shia ...

[Aschenbach]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[jno]

yeah, this dyslexic drunk choked to death on his own Vimto.

[graemer]

A guy took his dog to the vet and said "My dog's cross-eyed, I'm wondering if there's something wrong"

The vet picked the dog up. took a good look at his eyes, checked his teeth and then said "I'm going to have to put him down"

"Just because he's cross-eyed?!" cried the owner.

"No, because he's heavy"

[rinkytink]

 

Here's some good German jokes for you:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.

A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?  She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A manx cat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies:
'Yes, she has become a prostitue to subsidise her drug habit.'

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.

[johntheplamf]

Two Dyslexics sitting in a room, First One says"Can You smell gas?" The other says "Gas, I can't even smell my own name" 

[johntheplamf]

Two Dyslexics go skiing, but soon find that they are really useless and keep falling over. So One says to a passer by "Excuse me sir, could you help us out, we can't get the hang of this at all" The passer by replies "Sorry mate, but i'm a tobboganist" The other dyslexic says "Well, can i have Twenty B&H then"

[BigDogsWang]

I hope there are no Dsylexics reading this (!)

[libertie]

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson & Casper?

One is pale and scares kids, the other is a friendly ghost!