Does he want an affair?

[Uselink]

Hi there,
Basically there has been an instant attraction between me and a married guy at work. We were both working together at the time. I would often catch him staring at me across the office, staring at my bum (!!), trying to make conversation with me, trying to get my attention. I stupidly told married guy when we all went out one night when drunk. He said that he liked me a lot but he was committed to his wife. He then said if only he'd met me before his wife, things would be different and another time, another place. We hugged, kissed and held hands but I then left. He then acted really awkward with me at work. I then went off sick for 2 months and after I came back he was acting dicey:Staring at me across the office, trying to get my attention and getting jealous if i spoke to a male colleague. He kept spending lunch with me and my friend. We all went out one night and I got really drunk. I stupidly went to hug him and he tried to kiss me. I backed off and realised what I was doing. However, he came into work the next day, was avoiding me then started talking really loudly about his wife in front of me to a friend. I knew then that this wasn't going anywhere and backed off completely. A few months later, and after i'd stopped seeing someone, married guy made a huge pass at me. I hadn't even encouraged him at this point at all. So I managed to get a job in another department. Since then, I've still caught him staring at me, but then won't speak to me. He even had the cheek to say to me a couple of months ago "Hi, can we speak to you now that you've moved up in the world?" like i was hierarchy or something?! He completely ignores me when other people are around and then only speaks to me when no-one is around and tries to flirt with me. I know I was silly to flirt with him at 1st but then i came to my senses, started seeing other people (but he got jealous about that!), and disengaged any further flirtation with him. Why is he treating me like this?!

[Scarlett]

He obviously has no idea where he stands. He is probably so flattered and amazed that someone (other than his wife) is interested in him, that he now can't think of anything else. On the one hand he believes that you still like him, and fancies his chances, and on the other, he know he can't and mustn't flirt with you because he is married, and you have moved away.

I think you need to put him straight once and for all! If he approaches you again, just say "Look, I'm really sorry for flirting with you, but I am really not interested- you are married and it is never going to happen, so can we please just forget it and be professional at work?"

He knows you are right, but being a man (sorry) can't resist the thought that there may be a potential s**g opportunity. Because that's all it would be, trust me.

[woofgang]

thirded. don't worry about why he is doing what he is doing. The only behaviour that you can control is your own. As far as you can, avoid being alone with him, deffo avoid social occasions with him and double deffo avoid being under the affluence of incahol around him. Basically you have had a lucky escape from doing something really silly, now move on.

[dmsjps]

Can't see that there would be any here who'd say anything else Uselink, because if you do what he seems to want you to do, someone will get hurt. Forget him, he's not worth it. You're young, free and single and he's not, so enjoy your lifet. Don't get bogged down with all the problems that boosting his ego would incur.

[Morrisonker]

yep, he liked you, you liked him, you backed off and now his ego is hurt and he's acting like an idiot.

If it becomes a real problem, and your uncomfortable consider speaking to his manager, otherwise either ignore him or take him aside and have a quiet word with him.

[Miss Zippy]

He may well want an affair but don't let yourself be the one he uses and abuses, because that is all he'll be doing.  You must think very little of yourself to think you're only worth being someone's bit on the side. 

[Octavius]

seventh'd - I had a similar thing at work, except t'other way round and it went nowhere near as far as your situation (no kissing/holding hands etc).  I am the one in a serious relationship.

I still get the odd invite for a drink and a "chat" and a few suggestive emails but I just refuse and ignore them.  It is hard, because as said above, it's flattering and a convenient potential sh#g laid out on a plate.  But that is all it would be, and besides I love my gf.