dry patch

[Morrisonker]

My boyfriend have been going out for 2 and a half years (we're 19 and 21) and for the last 6 months we've been going through a series of dry patches.  It seems to be bothering him more than me, and although we've talked about it I don't feel any closer to a solution.  It's getting me down because I consider it a big part of our relationship, to the extent that I'm seriously consider our future together because he doesn't seem able to talk to me about it.  He's definately not seeing anyone else and he's sorting out the things that were stressing him out.  I'm not being shallow, I know there is more to a relationship than sex, but I don't know if it is indicitive of a larger problem and if so I'm the only one who seems to be aware of it.  I don't want to lose him, i adore him but it's really hurting me that we're like this. 

Does anyone have any suggestions how we can resolve this, if you've been through it yourself or just have any opinions?

[Hgrove]

If by a "dry patch" you mean he goes off sex, I am sorry, but it does not bode well for the future.  I wish you good luck.

[CiderMonkey]

This happened between me and my boyfriend. It was down to me not wanting any sex, although i still wanted kisses and cuddles etc. I didn't know what the problem was at all. It was really upsetting for him and he was convinced there was some problem with him or us. There wasn't - i wasn't going off him or anything. It caused some nasty rows. The more he was having a go at me about not wanting any, the less i wanted it!  I printed a few things off the internet to show him that this can happen sometimes due to stress or hormones etc. I started taking ginseng as this was recommended to me and gradually things started to get back to the way they were. I don't know if this had anything to do with the ginseng or if it would have sorted itself out anyway.

You seem to really love him, so i would say keep talking about it and try to stay affectionate, if not intimate. Hopefully, you will get through this and be back to the way you were before.

[lethologica]

Like yourselves, my boyfriend and I are 19 and been together 3 years.  We have off patches, but never go off physical contact (hugs, cuddles, etc) so by the time we've had an "off week" (I'm sure you can figure out why), we're back to normal!

It could be anything, stress, tiredness, transitional phase or like CiderMonkey - no reason at all!

I'm afraid I have to disagree with you Hgrove, all relationships have their ups and downs it's just by the time you've been together a few years you tend to have run a fair few and, to play on words - it's make or break.    Whether sex is regular or not tends to be either personal or situation dependant, rather than critical to the longevity of the relationship.

[Miss Zippy]

Have you simply got stuck in a rot and bored? If so, that can be worked on very easily with a bit of effort and imagination. I think when you're young, you perhaps don't appreciate that the sexual side of a relationship does need some work to keep it fresh and exciting. Only you can say if the symptoms are indicative of a bigger problem as no one else knows what goes on in your relationship. The fact that your bf is reluctant to discuss the problem with you is perhaps more indicative of a problem in the relationship? Good luck.