Should I consider a hymenoplasty?

[BettyAbominable]

My virginity was taken against my will at a young age. Though now I'm engaged to a wonderful man and we are sexually active. Since I never got the opportunity to share that moment of "losing it" to someone, I'd like to get a hymenoplasty done before our wedding, so that I'll get that chance once we've been married. Is this a good idea? I've done a bit of research but don't quite know everything about it.

[mrs.chappie]

I'd only ever consider surgery if it was essential to my health. I'm a big coward when it comes to "procedures".

[hc4361]

The state of marriage will be a symbolic new start. Concentrate on your wedding and forget about surgery.

[BettyAbominable]

But how can I be so sure That the feeling would be the same? Yes, this would be my first marriage. Definitely something new. But idk if that wouldn't just be the same as making love as we normally do. Nd I wanna feel that sense of giving him something I could never give someone else

[BettyAbominable]

Hes giving me his last name, but what do I have for him?

[daffy654]

No (non religious) man would expect his wife to be a virgin on their wedding night.

Hymen repair is a complete waste of time and money.

[marval]

You are giving him yourself as a wife. he loves you just as you are.

[daisya]

Your love!

[hc4361]

Your love, your life, your loyalty, your fidelity, your passion, your future, your dreams.

What more can a man want?

[EcclesCake]

If you are already sleeping with your partner I really cannot see how anything will change. A surgical intervention is going to create an artificial and inauthentic scenario that is quite simply false and not a good basis for a marriage.

If you want something magical on your wedding night then think of something unique to the two of you.

[wolf63]

I think that you will find than most women (maybe even men, not that they would admit to it) found losing their virginity a bit of a disappointment (an anti-climax doesn't seem to be the correct phrase).

Spend the dosh on something for the house or buy a better honeymoon.

[BettyAbominable]

He is religious, however virginity isn't a deal to him. I don't want to do it to create a false, anticlimactic, reenactment of a virginity. Its more a symbolic, emotional thing

[cathfromsaron]

virginity is in your heart and head, not elsewhere!

get counselling x

[BettyAbominable]

Ive been through counseling, thank u. Nd obviously he is not my first, willing or unwilling.

[baza]

why not put a bolt on the bedroom door, quite cheap from B&Q also available from other DIY stores and spend the saving made on a really good car.

[Euphemia]

It doesn't seem a very good idea. Even minor procedures can incur complications.

[Mamyalynne]

The main complication is a loss of feeling in surrounding area - not worth the risk IMO.

[andres]

Why bother having surgery? You're never going to be a virgin again either physically or mentally. Stop kidding yourself.

[rsvp]

Can't see the rationale here.
a. you lost your virginity unwillingly - sad but, you can't get it back.
b. you are already having sex with your 'soon to be hubby' so even if you had miraculously regained your virginity it would not be in tact for your wedding night.
c. you didn't want the magical breaking of the hymen on your first night together so why is a wedding night more important?
d. seems the actual act of getting married/wedding night is more important than what it actual means long term.
But, if it means so much to you then go ahead, doesn't auger well for the future though that you want to spend money/risk your health/ put partner through worry just for something most women never give their husbands anyway.

[DTCwordfan]

Are you American?

If you are considering there is a surgeon in Greenwich CT who does it.....and for folk like you....It costs about $7500 I believe.

http://vaginoplastysu....com/dr-jacobson.html

At least, you will find out more about it - it isn't a massive procedure.

[Bambiagain]

As someone has already said, every form of surgery carries a risk. It would be terrible if you put yourself through this either to suffer some sort of reaction to an anaesthetic (potentially fatal) or to find that your sex life actually suffers in the future because of it. To most woman, losing their virginity is either painful or a bit of a non-event. If you had not had such a traumatic past you might well have found that your hymen had been broken by using tampons or by some form of exercise. Not every woman has an intact hymen the first time they have sex, whether they realise it or not. You already have a fiance who loves you whatever you have been through and you obviously have a sex life with him. If you are determned to go through with this procedure anyway, why have you asked for other people's advice? If you are not sure, then I think you will see that most people think it's not a great idea.