I once asked a young lass at work, who always wore skin tight leggings, "Bloody 'ell, Jo, How on earth do you get into those leggings?" to which she replied, "A couple of Bacardi Breezers would be a good start, Mike"
My first AB girl friend
Was amply proportioned
Not fat,
Not even plump
Rounded
If she’d been a sofa
She’d have been truly upholstered
So why on earth
When she had a size 16 Yabbie
She insisted on wearing
Her sister's size 12 pants
Only God or maybe Ed only knows
And he won’t split
Though I’m surprised the pants didn’t
Anyway I digress
The small knickers
Didn’t add to her desirability in any way
Nor detract from it in fairness
On the contrary
I think in more than one sense
It did make me want to get her pants off
Even more.
Now when it came to her tights
She took the word literally
Now the tights may well have been
One size fits all
But the one size did not include her’s
On her legs they looked good
She had great legs, I think
It was her hips that were the problem
In so much as getting her tights off
Now on most occasions this was not a problem to me
It was only when,
We wanted to
Not to put to fine a point on it
Partake of a spot of Rumpety Pumpety
Getting her undressed then
Was no mean feat
Pulling her tights down
Was like pulling a SAB porn star off your mother
Or that plastic wrapping off a frozen Matthews turkey
Her bra was no better
Being designed
To fit a 36 b
When she was actually a 38 e
Her breasts were squeezed out of shape
Like lumps of kneaded vodka bread dough
And when you managed to unhook her bra
Which took both hands
And a knee in her back
They popped out like a pair of Jonny jack in the boxes
Or one would spring out like something
From a bizarre Lady J cuckoo clock
Striking the hour
Or would lunge out
Like a deploying Tonyav Saab airbag
All her other clothes
Fitted her perfectly
It was only her underwear
That she got wrong
She was only sixteen then
Oh happy days
Sweet sixteen
Sweet as candy
For unwrapping
And it was not an unpleasant experience
Unwrapping her
I spent three exhausting years
Labouring at the task
Made all the more pleasurable
As she had two sisters
For me to unwrap
Who are they on here?