Bullying update ... it's getting unbearable

[ciaraciara]

Some of you may remember my question about the trouble I was having at work with a bully. Well, far from things improving, they've gotten much worse. Now, instead of one girl picking one me, the four girls on my line have turned against me and singled me out. It all stemmed from one or two incidences where somebody said something and I didn't hear so asked what was said, or I said something which everybody seemed to think was stupid. So from that I've gotten the reputation of being stupid and a laughing stock.

Here's just one example. The conversation turned to rape for some reason and there's a gay guy who works on our floor. So one co-worker said to ask him to find out what rape by another man felt like. I replied that it would't be classified as rape because he's gay so he'd obviously enjoy having sex with another man, where the co-worker was suggesting that just because he would be having sex with another man that it would automatically be rape. Then (which has become the automatic reaction to anything I say) ALL of the girls turned around and looked at me with "what the hell has she said now" expressions and one of them was like "Oh my God what did she say now?" and I explained my point, and as usual they all just dismissed it and said it didn't make any sense, even though it makes perfect sense to me(?) Another day I was on the phone to my friend near the girls and I used the word "surreal." When I went back to sit with them, they were all mocking me saying "it was SURREAL" and they actually haven't dropped it since. They're like, "who uses the word surreal?" I thought it was quite a common word to be honest. They think that I think I'm posh which is completely hilarious seeing as I would have been known as a bogger in college and I definitely don't have airs and graces about myself. I used the expression "spag bol" and I say am and pm after times instead of saying in the morning or in the evening, which they seem to think makes me posh also. Basically it's come to a point where everything I say is met with them laughing in my face and shaking their heads, and not in a nice way.

They are organising a night out soon and invited me, which I don't really understand because why would I want to spend any more time than is absolutely necessary with them.

It wouldn't be so bad if it was just the four girls, but the fact that everybody else on the floor can hear what's going on is really humiliating. They must be wondering why everybody thinks I'm such an idiot and assume there's good reason for it. It has really broken my confidence. I cried for a full hour last night and my sister advised me to leave the job as it's not worth this much grief. There are two weeks left in my contract, which may seem like a short time but will be torture for me if this continues. I feel like the girls have united against me, that even if they don't necessarily love eachother, they have me as the common denominator that holds them together because obviously I'm providing their entertainment. The factory where I work, if it's not clear already, is a place where any inkling of gossip travels like wildfire, so if I was to quit on the grounds of bullying, EVERYONE would know about it. I know I shouldn't care what they think, and I don't; it's just that if I knew that the situation would be dealt with properly, I'd tell without hesitation. But i know that all that it would do is generate a week's worth of gossip for them all, and of course they'll say it was only banter and they were only having a laugh. As well as that, I need the money from this job and it's so unfair if I am forced to leave because these girls are acting like they're in primary school. Because it's true, the last time I can remember such childish behaviour is in primary school. It's not an option for me to switch areas as the area I'm working in now has the only available work. I just don't know what to do. It's such a horrible situation and I'm at a loss. Please help.

[ummmm]

//So one co-worker said to ask him to find out what rape by another man felt like. I replied that it would't be classified as rape because he's gay so he'd obviously enjoy having sex with another man,//

Are you suggesting men can't be raped?

[Prudie]

Sorry you're having such a bad time, women can be really horrible but having said that they have included in you in the invite, maybe it would be best to go? If you need to keep the job then I'd just keep quiet and ignore it. Plus think carefully when joining in with sensitive topics. If you'd said on here what you said about gay rape you'd have got far worse. Think about it, it's the same as saying a woman can't be raped because she enjoys sex with men.

[Mick-Talbot]

I'm sorry but you sound as daft as each other.

[Le Chat]

ciara. You left yourself wide open to that one...I mean, come on!!

[ciaraciara]

No, he was saying that it was AUTOMATICALLY rape just because it was between two men. I was just saying that it wasn't rape just because he was gay.

[TOWIE]

Personally, I would look for another job. Once bullies have got their claws into you, unless you stand up to them, it won't get better. Best just to move on.

Definately, don't go on a night out with them.........lots of horrible things spring to mind.

Best of Luck.

[Mick-Talbot]

He ?

Well 'he' is a total buffoon.

[ojread2]

You said "I replied that it would't be classified as rape because he's gay so he'd obviously enjoy having sex with another man, "

What The Funicular? Are for real? No wonder people take the mickey if you really believe dumb things like that

If you are really being bullied, then I feel for you, but making remarks a stupid as the above, you need to be told and it sounds as if that is what is happening here

[ummmm]

I think she just worded it badly if you look at her answer.

If I'm understanding correctly someone said to her that gay sex is regarded as rape whether it's consensual or not.

[Mick-Talbot]

To be fair, ojread

So one co-worker said to ask him to find out what rape by another man felt like


That was equally as stupid.

[ojread2]

Possibly..

Just read the OP's first post about this and she is on a month contract due to end next week

[Mick-Talbot]

Rape would be classed as rape, regardless of sex.

I read the OP a few times and was still unsure of how to take what ciaraciara had typed.

Maybe like ummmm suggests, just worded badly.

[ojread2]

Ooo, I didn't swear in my above post?

[EvianBaby]

If you said that to them like you have here then I'm not surprised you got the reaction you did. It really reads like you're saying it can't be considered rape if the victim is a gay man because they enjoy having sex with men. I'm guessing that can't really be what you mean as then the same would apply to straight women.

[jackthehat]

The co-worker was suggesting that *any* instance of gay-men having sex together is rape.
The OP countered that by saying that the gay co-worker wouldn't share that view as he would see his sexual encounters as consensual.

Bullying in the work-place is unacceptable, but you certainly don't have to subject yourself to it outside of work hours.

[Paul22118]

Grit your teeth and work out the remaining two weeks.

THEN LEAVE never to return.

Maybe in the future try not to get drawn in on silly topics, btw a man who is penetrated against his wishes, gay or not, is raped.

Do not go to the night out, it will be a disaster once fuelled by drink.

Get a fresh start, fresh job and renew your outlook. Good luck.

[atalanta]

Why on earth have you not taken the problem to your company's personnel department ( or Human resources, if that's what they call it.)
That, or join a union, Or both.
Usually, when a child is being bullied, I recommend the child should join a karate club. It usually works a treat as soon as the bullies find out. But you probably don't have time for that to take effect.

[boxtops]

I'd do that atalanta, but OP's only got a fortnight further to go at this place - I'd stick it out and not let them see they're getting to me. I'd also try not to make remarks (such as are quoted) which can be so misconstrued!

[lcg]

just stop talking to them! you don't actually need their approval or permission to feel ok about yourself.....and also you can defend yourself. say what you want to....it might actually make you feel better. life is not a popularity contest.

[ladybirder]

I agree that you shouldn't go out with them. At least in the office they are constrained in what they can do to you but on a night out, after a few drinks, no, it doesn't bear thinking about. Don't go.