Cliques

[Purple_Popple]

Do any of you have work colleagues that belong in a clique with other colleagues? Are you excluded or are you part of the pack? How does it make you feel ?

[Kiki-frog]

Not in my present job, no. But years ago I worked for a big company that had a very obvious 'in-crowd'. And I wasn't one of them. But I found my own group of friends there eventually, so that was fine.

Is that what you're experiencing?

[wolf63]

I always think that the word 'clique' sounds negative. When I was working there would be groups of people who would become friends and tend to go for tea/coffee together and maybe go out at night. I think that it is just human nature to join up with others who are 'like minded' and have the same sense of humour.

[tonyav]

Yep, I think you have hit the nail on the head with your reply, wolf.

[Kiki-frog]

Wise words, wolfie. Perhaps it's just too easy to be over-sensitive in these situations.

[wolf63]

I think the problem is when 'bitches' group. That can cause problems if nobody stands up to them - or can be bothered with the trouble.

[ummmm]

Bitches and gossips. The smokers form their own clique.

[Kiki-frog]

Yes, you're right. That's the workplace equivalent of the school bully who's surrounded by crawlers because they're afraid of being picked on!

[tonyav]

I think you are right again, wolf.

[EvianBaby]

I've never got into cliques or friendship groups in any of my work places. In general people just don't like me very much.

[ummmm]

Awww - I like you :-)

[tonyav]

Why is that, Evian ?

[Purple_Popple]

I am experiencing one where I work who try.to encourage me to gossip...which I refuse to do..I won't sink to their level..they victimised a girl whom I feel desperately sorry for..long story but they talk and pitch about everyone...it's awful.

[Purple_Popple]

Bitch...
And agree with Kiki's response...brilliantly put.

[Kiki-frog]

Sounds horrible. Is there anyone at work you could talk to about this? HR maybe? I feel very sorry for the girl who's being victimised, so I'm glad you are not joining in. Someone once told me a poem that went something like:

They drew a circle and shut me out,
A thing to shun and a thing to flout,
But Love and I had the wit to win
We drew a circle and put me in.

Can you be friends with this girl and form your own friendship group with the Number 1 Rule - no bitching!

[TOWIE]

I would befriend the girl they are bitching about - there is nothing like sticking up for the not so popular colleague to really pee them off.

I have done this in the past in the workplace - you will be surprised how the formation of the group of gossips start to fall apart.

[Purple_Popple]

They hang around and as soon as you walk past them they immediately go quiet...it's awful.
I am friendly with the girl but it clearly is affecting her. We don't really have an HR dept.

[Mosaic]

Where do the boundaries get drawn between having a laugh / a natter and excluding or picking out a person for group attention? There's no definitive answer. But PP, you are describing work bullies. There is a vast amount of this behaviour that goes unchecked or is excused as 'friendship groups', 'having a laugh / a natter'. And usually the target of the bullying is dubbed 'oversensitive', 'not a team player'.
It is however workplace bullying.
Sadly, in the absence of whoever is meant to be in charge realising that they need to sort it, there is nothing you can do. Bullies do not change. They might shift their focus or go quiet for a bit, but they will do it repeatedly.
People who fall in with bullies usually do so because they fear being the next target.
So typically, a female work group of this kind will have members who literally run to the gatherings so as not to be 'left out' and who fear not being there when the group is 'in session'.
Both men and women bullies use socialising outside of work to strengthen the gang - making sure X or Y know that 'everyone else' met up at theirs and had a brilliant time.
What advice can I give you, PP? Be true to yourself - you are very good to befriend the person who has been got at. If nothing is to be done make medium term plans to move desk / floor / department / job if you can. But I think you are doing the right thing by keeping out of their coven.

[EvianBaby]

Ah thanks ummmm, you're fully of nice stuff for me recently.

Tony, I think I'm just different to most people my age, hard to explain how. And I'm brutally shy with people I don't know, especially groups. I think it makes me come over as stand of fish and unfriendly but actually I'm just in terrified silence.

[Lore]

I'm lucky in that I pretty much get on with everyone at work, I see the groups, I suppose I'm part of several groups.. I listen, let it wash over me and refuse to have an opinion when it comes to bitching about a colleague, unless I'm defending them. People who cause problems will always look for somebody new to feed their insecurities. Don't stoop to their level.

[snags]

I am self employed so predominantly work on my own. Sometimes I find myself extremely annoying but there is not the option to escape...