Is there any way i can feel better?

[Little Lady]

As some of you may know i split up with my boyfriend two and a half weeks ago, I have days where i feel down and others when i feel ok, yesterday i had a great day and felt good and happy for the first time. Today i woke up like someone had kicked me in the stomach with emotion though i didn't feel like they were my feelings more like i had picked them up, really odd! All i wondered was what any of you guys have done to make yourself feel better or get over it easier. I feel so mentally drained today and can't concentrate to well either, i have booked friday and monday off to give myself some space. Any advise welcome. Thanks LL

[fairy!]

You poor thing... I know exactly how you feel & it's really not nice :-( 

I think I always felt better when I was around people... I know I wasn't much company, but if I was on my own I'd start thinking & that started me crying... being around others will be a distraction.  I also found that I'd listen more to the lyrics of sad songs... & end up crying... so avoid!!  Only listen to happy music!!  But not 'your' song!

x

[butter1]

Hiya Little Lady, I agree with fairy....it's best to be around people when your feel low otherwise you'll just sit there and remember all the good times etc...  I know everyone says it, but really time is a great healer.  You just have to stay focused and try to stay positive.  I split up with my current boyfriend in November last year...we were back together in the January but they were the worse couple of months for me.  I just felt so down, couldn't eat, sleep.. it is an awful feeling....but you'll get through it, whether you get back together or not.  Chin up girl!

[lilyfrog]

One of the best ways to get make your self feel better is also one of the hardest to do, but you have to move on.

Stop thinking about what you did together and plan what you will do alone or with friends, look forward to your life and try to focus on how much better it can be now you have the world at your feet. Dance to happy music,visualise your self in your favourite countries (without your ex) picture your self having fun with your frinds and organise a big girly night out somewhere you can all gossip with plenty of wine.

f you imagine a wonderful life without him then you can ,ake it happen. Also you dont mention if you want him back, but if you did there is nothing more attractive to an ex boyfriend that seeing his ex girlfriend full of life and having fun and looking to the future.

good luck and chin up!!

[goldheart]

I agree with both fairy and butter 1 - but to add to it... going out with friends and just being chatted up by someone else (maybe even a snog!) gives an amazing boost - it worked wonders for me!!

The emotion and hurt etc are still there when you get home ... but at least this way - having a laugh, nothing heavy - you have something else to think about and a confidence boost doesnt hurt anyone does it!?

[kazzee69]

Hi hun, Hope you are feeling a bit better now. I know this isn't the sort of thing you can get over in a night but it will get easier. If you left the relationship with loads of unfinished business then you might feel better if you write you ex partner a letter getting everything off your chest. You don't have to give the letter to him it's just a way for you to express yourself and maybe lift some weight off your shoulders. I hope this helps you.

xx

[Englishbird]

Oh sweety - it's sh*t isn't it. You have to remember that it WILL get better, that your body and your mind need time to readjust and you must let yourself grieve the loss.  The loss is overwhelming sometimes.  Try and make sure you're busy.  Taking time off work is fine, but what about spring cleaning your house or room, go shopping, do things you've been putting off.  Or better yet - do something you've always wanted to do but couldn't because you were in a relationship. (I went to Jersey with 30 rugby players :) 

 

The other biggest thing i did, which with hindsight was probably my saving grace, was that i had no contact whatsoever with him for over 3 months. I deleted his number so no drunken text messages, i avoided all conversations about him with mutual friends and i stayed away from the places he goes.  At times the desire to call him was excrutiating (normally when drunk) but it was the thing that kept me sane and i believe helped me to heal sooner.  Keeping in contact simply prolongs the agony.

Sorry for such a long post, but my heart goes out to you and everyone in a similar situation as i know how horrible it is x x

[GucciGal]

hello sweetie, sorry hear what's happended. Sometimes you just gotta let yourself go with the flow and don't be too hard on yourself whilst "moving on" You are gonna have good and bad days ...  treat yourself like a small child and be really gentle with yourself for a while. 

A guy at work is going through the same thing and he has said that it's helped to talk with all of us and altho he says he isn't good company at the moment we all love him to death and I'm SURE there are people who feel like that about you. Us ABER's for starters ;-) chin up girl and slowly you will start to let your hair down again and enjoy yourself. xxxx

[Little Lady]

Thanks all for your input, i certainly don't want to get back with him, we didn't click in some impportant ways to make a relationship work. I think i miss the company more than anything. I have tried to keep myself busy with my friends which has been good but i also feel i need sometime on my own which i have always enjoyed anyway. I have learnt alot about myself which i am grateful for in that relationship. The only thing i do think about is how he is as i have heard things through friends that he is going out getting paraletic and then asking people for other substances which i am a little worried about, i just want him to look after himself but it seems he is going the other way.

[Englishbird]

LL, I know how you feel but it's not your responsibility anymore.  I know that sounds harsh - but he will only learn by making his own mistakes and he wont stop the drinking or anything else, for any other reason than he wants to.  My ex was a big drinker and a big drug taker, and constantly in trouble, i found it really really hard to stop worrying about him and to get used to the fact that i had no control over what he did or didn't do anymore, and i used to worry about who would look after him if he was in trouble.

I can promise you, that now, whilst i still care what happens to him, I am so greatful that it's not my responsibility anymore.  A lot of people end up in relationships where they end up 'looking after' the other person.  The same way one might look after a child.  It's not healthy.

He will be ok, but you have to try and disengage from it.  hope your weekend is a good one x 

[Englishbird]

Choose Vodka and Chakka Khan ....... :o)

[hinge1967]

Theres so much good advice here! I just wanted to add that its important to remember that what you are going through is completely normal........absolute sh*t........but so natural. Don't fight it. Do what you think is right whenever you feel like doing it. Its hard to believe right now but these emotions are trying to help you come to terms with the loss. They are your friends too.

[Cheekyteddy]

Be very, very kind to yourself.

[dmsjps]

Wow, I know where to come when I need some support during a hard time, everyone has been lovely here!

 

Little Lady, I would agree with what everyone has said and whatever you do, don't waste Friday and Monday. It's nice weather at the moment, why don't you and some friends book yourself into a B&B in Blackpool for a long weekend or something? Or if one of you has a tent, go camping somewhere you haven't been before. Take loads of wine and have a barbeque on the beach/by the river (depending if your destination's coastal or inland), etc.

 

Anyway, whatever you decide, just make sure you have a F-U-N weekend, you deserve it!

[Joan]

this is not maybe the view everyone would take and not very sympathetic but is exactly what i did myself when i split up with a longterm partner.  Although I did allow myself to 'grieve', when I was particularly down I reminded myself that all i had done was split up with a partner that I should no longer have been with anyway but there are people out there who are a lot worse off than me. There are terrible things going on in this world, alot of death etc and what i was going through was nothing compared to what these people must be going through. You have been able to make a choice as I was.  I have now completely moved on with my life and am incredibly happy although still currently single. 

[neathgirl]

having recently split up wi my partner i know how ur feeling and i know its a cliche but it just will take time. the first few weeks are the worst feelin low and everywhere u go and everything u do just reminds u of them.  still difficult after a few months but really really really try not to dwell on things and analyse things cos this will just add to your sadness.  i am lucky i have a really good friend who just listens to me talk and offers me excellent advise about my particular situation. really found it valuable to have time out from usual daily things like work and get my head together. so my advise to you is:-

try and keep urself busy

talk to one of ur friends about whats happened and how u feel

dont analyse and think what could i have done (you cant do anything - u more than likely did all u could)

get drunk and let it all come out - u will feel so much better for letting go of ur emotions

Dont know if this will help - hope it does though!