I Wonder How Far Advanced Flight...
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For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.I would ask your mother in law outright why she feels she has to be so rude to you all the time, and if she really thought that much of her son she would accept you too. There's absolutely no need for complete unprovoked rudeness, and she ought to be happy that her son has such a caring partner who would worry about things like this.
Out of interest how does your family treat your fella and what does your fella think of things between you and his mum?
I don't get on too well with my sister in law, for the same reason, she is very jealous and feels that I am taking her brother away from her. I don't think she can appreciate that she is his sister and I am his fiancee and that we can indeed be both - there isn't a law saying that you can only have either a) a mother, b) a sister or c) a partner. So I really truly hope you work it out as I know how difficult it can be when you just want to tell somebody to '****** off' but have to consider your man's feelings too. At the end of the day if a random person cameup to you in the street and was rude to you for noe reason, you wouldn't make the effort to be on good terms with them?
Anyway sorry for the length and probably not helping too much but I do know how you feel, and I hope that you feel you can talk to your fella and perhaps he could have a word with his mother?
Funny that all the jokes are about mum-in-law from the guy's point of view when pretty much most of the problems are with the mum-in-law from the girl's point of view. I had this too: everything I did with my then baby son was wrong, everything I dressed him in was wrong, etc. Eventually we had a blazing row with my poor husband in the middle trying to calm us both down. She hasn't put me down since though. Having said that, my husband's brother married not long after so I think she turned her attentions onto her new daughter-in-law! I certainly got lots of complaints from her anyway.
My cousin had the same problem: his mum slagged of his then girlfriend all the time and was never happy with her. When they decided to get married, he calmly told his mum, 'You either get on with XXXXX or leave us alone because I love her, we're getting married and that's it.'
I think Peri has a point about your husband defending you, but then again, as andy hughes says, she is at the other side of the world. It's not fair that you should feel uncomfortable in your own home though, whenever she rings. I wonder if being really, really nice to her would cheese her off and make her stop. She obviously knows she's upsetting you and for some inane reason she seems to enjoy it.
Other than your husband having a word with her, I don't have any solutions, but you're not alone hun!
the old marriage ceremony included a promise about 'forsaking all others', which meant you acknowledged that you were leaving your birth family and starting one of your own. Your bf will have to do this even if you don't make any formal promises - have to put you first, his children if any next, then parents, as andy hughes says. You don't say whether he acknowledges the problem, but he needs to, and to put your feelings first. It's a shame to have to make a choice when many people get on perfectly well with both their spouse and his/her family; but the situation's not of your making.
It may be that getting married will make a difference; little lights go on in some parents' heads when they suddenly realise that this is it, the kid's really left home. Failing that, being on the opposite side of the world is a good move (done it myself, it works). But remember if you're British that at least one of you will always be in exile.
(Oh, and you'll probably always get Christmas phone calls. Let him answer the phone.)
I didn't mean to imply they were anything but nice to him, and I feel I'm in a very similar situation. Luckily, as has been pointed out, she is on the other side of the world (my sis in law lives on the same bleeding road!). But perhaps you should let your fella know exactly how you feel and that you can't find it funny, even if he can.
I think one of the best suggestins is to be as nice as possible to her, make sure you answer the phone and make extra polite conversation :) I'm sure if she thinks she is getting to you she will continue, if you rise above it, grit through your teeth and smile and be extra specially sweet to her it will make her sick!
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