Terminal Cancer What Would You Do?

[arwyn]

Following on from my last thread, my MIL has the above and has no intention of making up with family members that she fell out with, one of which is her own Daughter who still does'nt know her cancer has returned.. I have never been close to my MIL she never liked me, but apart from her hubby she has'nt got many other people to turn to. So my question is would you make up? all the reasons for the fall outs are stupid ones and change everytime she tells me about them. I don't think she can remember them..

[emmie]

give it a try that is all you can do, time can soften even the hardest of hearts,

[vakayu]

That's a very difficult question as time is a very restricting factor in that instance,as with all family feuds the actual reason is partly forgotten about as it is often trivial.Also both parties have to be willing to forgive and forget as forever is a long time to bear grudges and regret not doing something about a rift when the opportunity was there.

[Tilly2]

Perhaps they[i should approach [i]her] and try to make up. Why don't you let people know that she is terminally ill and let them decide for themselves.?

[Tilly2]

Sorry about my messed up italics!

[phleb]

Tell her daughter, and ask her to go see her mum. I would do that, even though others may think its interfering, i think its just helping others come to terms with this illness, forgive one another and make up, and spend the remaining time together. They will thank you for it. You are so kind to be thinking of this, when mil doesn't like you.

[woofgang]

What I would or wouldn't do is not relevant. her life, her choice. I do know of other people who knew they were dying and decided not to make up with family members. I would have respected the decision anyway but as it happened, i knew the circumstances and agreed with them.

[China Doll]

You can't go round telling people someone is terminally ill if they don't want you to tell anyone! That's a risky business.

In answer to your question, no I would not make up with anyone. There is a very small amount of people I dislike in this world, I think it currently stands at three. I fail to see why just because I was dying I should change my opinion on these dispicable people.

[arwyn]

Emma10 I think you read it wrong I hav.nt fell out with her.
Vakay Very wise words.
Tilly That's what I wanted to do and what her Son (my hubby) was going to do. But her hubby (mines father) has told my him to never dare tell them.

I feel it will all kick off one day.

[woofgang]

Going to tell you a bit more. One of the people I knew was my own beloved mother in law. She had an estranged son as well as my DH. When she told us the score we asked her if she wanted to contact her son or wanted us to and whether she would like us to have him to stay as Mil and Fils house is very small. She laid the law down and said that if we told him, she would be furious so we didn't. As I said, DH and I understood why she felt like that. If it was me i would think very long and hard before telling people that your Mil doesn't want told but i appreciate that you are in an awkward position.

[arwyn]

Thank you phleb.

woofgang thank you thats what her hubby and son are saying.

china I dont know what I would do if it was me.

[woofgang]

If your husband, her son, is saying don't tell anyone then you have your answer.

[emmie]

i didn't say you had, sorry

[NoMercy]

Stubborn and unrelenting, but it's her choice.

[daffy654]

No I wouldn't. Why should you try and like someone just because they are dying?

[arwyn]

Woofgang that is sad that they never made up but as others have said it depends why the fall out happened in the begining.

I wont be telling anyone as I never really think of myself as family.

I just wondered what I would do. Her sister was told last year but she never came to visit (I never told her) the Daughter told the sister (her aunt).

[woofgang]

Not sad. As others have said. If someone has behaved like an sh1t why would you want to make up with them because they or you are dying?

[arwyn]

Em10 I'm so sorry I read your reply wrong ha ha I dont normally ask questions on here I just follow them as I type to slow.

[emmie]

it's ok, not sure what i would really do, perhaps try and get the person to contact their relatives at least to let them know of the situation.

[arwyn]

woofgang I understand as my husbands son (my stepson) wont go to visit her. He said "cancer wont make her a nice person". I on the other hand am doing all I can but only when she lets me or asks me.

[arwyn]

I feel bad now because I gave my hubby a hard time for not telling his sister (her Daughter) Because I thought that once she dies the sister will hate my hubby.. SO plan B it is --- Keep out of it arwyn ha ha..
Thank you everyone for the replies..