Quizzes & Puzzles5 mins ago
Confused At 30 - Premature Midlife Crisis?
132 Answers
Aghhh! I am so annoyed this morning and I think I'm having either some kind of mental breakdown, or a premature midlife crisis. Or both.
As you know, I met a guy not so long ago, and he was a bit of a twit. I started warming to him though, and it appeared the feeling was mutual.
BUT, he just keeps on messing me around and it's really, really frustrating!
He say's he's gonna come round, then he doesn't. He says he's busy with his mates, but then pops round unexpected and always when it's totally not convenient. He never lets me know any of this. A simple text would be nice, but I don't ever hear anything until the next day.
He spends most of his time during the day at the gym, and works until late at night. He seems to have loads of time for his mates, and is always planning to do stuff with them over the weekend, and planning holidays, but when it comes to me it's a bit like 'whenever I've got 5 minutes to spare, or need somewhere to sleep'. He went through a stage of coming round at 4am, when he finished work, but I had to put a stop to that as it was making me really tired the next day and, unlike him, I have stuff to do and can't be laying in bed until midday. We had a bit of a row about it all, and he said I wasn't 'letting him in to my life', and that's why he spent so much time with his mates?! I wasn't being nasty, but I explained to him that I wasn't go to start playing happy families with someone I'd only just met. Anyway, we both came to the conclusion that it wasn't really going anywhere, but we would stay as friends - which suited me fine.
He offered to pick something up for me the other day, as it was on his way home, and popped round to drop it off. The conversation was really forced and he sent me a text after he left to say he felt awkward and wanted more than to be just friends. Aghhhh!
He rang me yesterday and asked if he could pop round and collect his trousers (other thread) to which I said I wouldn't have them until the morning. He said he'd come round anyway as he wanted to chat. I asked him to come round after 9, which he said was fine.
Anyway, I waited and waited and text him at 10 to ask if he was still coming. No reply. Totally fed up and annoyed, I went to bed at about half 11/12, and sent him a text to say so.
4 o'clock this morning my doorbell goes!! Not happy. He says there was trouble at work (what, all night!?) and that he didn't have a signal... which is highly unlikely. He ended up staying here, and then I asked him to leave about an hour ago as I have to go and pick the kids up in a bit and have stuff to do.
Well, that went down like a lead balloon. He said he'd come with me. I said no way blasé. Him and my ex coming face-to-face is not really something I'm ready to deal with just yet. He got dressed, went downstairs and just left without saying a word. I phoned him, no answer, so sent him a text to say I was sorry. Why am I apologising? I feel like I'm dealing with Kevin the teenager !
Quite therapeutic to have a good rant, but just wondering what the general feeling on this is.
Am I being horrible by 'not letting him in', or is he being unfair.
Either way, is it a case of 'flogging a dead horse'?
As you know, I met a guy not so long ago, and he was a bit of a twit. I started warming to him though, and it appeared the feeling was mutual.
BUT, he just keeps on messing me around and it's really, really frustrating!
He say's he's gonna come round, then he doesn't. He says he's busy with his mates, but then pops round unexpected and always when it's totally not convenient. He never lets me know any of this. A simple text would be nice, but I don't ever hear anything until the next day.
He spends most of his time during the day at the gym, and works until late at night. He seems to have loads of time for his mates, and is always planning to do stuff with them over the weekend, and planning holidays, but when it comes to me it's a bit like 'whenever I've got 5 minutes to spare, or need somewhere to sleep'. He went through a stage of coming round at 4am, when he finished work, but I had to put a stop to that as it was making me really tired the next day and, unlike him, I have stuff to do and can't be laying in bed until midday. We had a bit of a row about it all, and he said I wasn't 'letting him in to my life', and that's why he spent so much time with his mates?! I wasn't being nasty, but I explained to him that I wasn't go to start playing happy families with someone I'd only just met. Anyway, we both came to the conclusion that it wasn't really going anywhere, but we would stay as friends - which suited me fine.
He offered to pick something up for me the other day, as it was on his way home, and popped round to drop it off. The conversation was really forced and he sent me a text after he left to say he felt awkward and wanted more than to be just friends. Aghhhh!
He rang me yesterday and asked if he could pop round and collect his trousers (other thread) to which I said I wouldn't have them until the morning. He said he'd come round anyway as he wanted to chat. I asked him to come round after 9, which he said was fine.
Anyway, I waited and waited and text him at 10 to ask if he was still coming. No reply. Totally fed up and annoyed, I went to bed at about half 11/12, and sent him a text to say so.
4 o'clock this morning my doorbell goes!! Not happy. He says there was trouble at work (what, all night!?) and that he didn't have a signal... which is highly unlikely. He ended up staying here, and then I asked him to leave about an hour ago as I have to go and pick the kids up in a bit and have stuff to do.
Well, that went down like a lead balloon. He said he'd come with me. I said no way blasé. Him and my ex coming face-to-face is not really something I'm ready to deal with just yet. He got dressed, went downstairs and just left without saying a word. I phoned him, no answer, so sent him a text to say I was sorry. Why am I apologising? I feel like I'm dealing with Kevin the teenager !
Quite therapeutic to have a good rant, but just wondering what the general feeling on this is.
Am I being horrible by 'not letting him in', or is he being unfair.
Either way, is it a case of 'flogging a dead horse'?
Answers
Madmen, you disappoint me. I thought you had more sense than to give this bloke the time of day. Get rid of him, and quickly. As my old mother used to say, and now I have taken her place and am saying it, there's plenty more fish in the sea, girl, than ever came out of it.
22:41 Wed 13th Mar 2013
I know what will happen though, I'll speak to him and say how I feel, and he'll just turn things around.
Talbot, you're right. I need to be boss and tell him what's what. Hmm, I can see that happening... not.
He never answers his bloody phone, so I end up having to send page after page of text. It's just so annoying.
Sqad, I'm not moaning, nor saying he is "treating me badly". As I said, he can actually be quite sweet, but it's the whole 'leaving me hanging on a string' that I find frustrating.
Talbot, you're right. I need to be boss and tell him what's what. Hmm, I can see that happening... not.
He never answers his bloody phone, so I end up having to send page after page of text. It's just so annoying.
Sqad, I'm not moaning, nor saying he is "treating me badly". As I said, he can actually be quite sweet, but it's the whole 'leaving me hanging on a string' that I find frustrating.
Would estimate this thread will run to 60+ posts. All will give same (or similar) advice but doubt if, in the end, MadMen will pay any attention. She has said she just wants a rant, so probably nothing will change and she will go on playing the martyr. Sorry if this sounds harsh but it's how I feel. End of my rant.
Yeah, you're right (as is everyone else!)
I won't bother phoning him, or asking him to come round, as it'll only end up one way.
I'll send him a text and just tell him I'm not interesting in taking this any further.
I don't think I'm even going to bother with the why's, because he'll only say he'll change his ways - and won't.
I won't bother phoning him, or asking him to come round, as it'll only end up one way.
I'll send him a text and just tell him I'm not interesting in taking this any further.
I don't think I'm even going to bother with the why's, because he'll only say he'll change his ways - and won't.
Wow, that's one heck of a block of text to tackle.
If he isn't going to make more of an effort to consider your point of view then maybe a clean break would be best. You could try to get him to improve and the pair of you achieve more mutual understanding, but it seems to me there has been chance enough for that already. Ultimately it's you decision whether it's worth another go or not. Having already gone for the "just be friends" stage I don't think I'd want to revert to a more intimate relationship again. Unless you are in the market for one of those "friends with benefits" type thing, and I suspect that won't satisfy either of you.
If he isn't going to make more of an effort to consider your point of view then maybe a clean break would be best. You could try to get him to improve and the pair of you achieve more mutual understanding, but it seems to me there has been chance enough for that already. Ultimately it's you decision whether it's worth another go or not. Having already gone for the "just be friends" stage I don't think I'd want to revert to a more intimate relationship again. Unless you are in the market for one of those "friends with benefits" type thing, and I suspect that won't satisfy either of you.
Hi O_G :)
Yeah, sorry it was so long! My fingers ran away with me.
I am definitely *not* in the market for a "friends with benefits" relationship. I have two children and want something a bit more 'settled'. I just find it very difficult to progress, as I don't want to start introducing any Tom, Dick or Harry to my little family. I suppose that's my problem though, and not his.
I thought everything was done and dusted, and that we'd both realised it wasn't really going anywhere, until he came round a couple of days ago. One minute he says he's ready to settle down, and then the next he's ignoring me and saying he's "too young" and just wants to have fun.
Well, we all know what "fun" means!
Yeah, sorry it was so long! My fingers ran away with me.
I am definitely *not* in the market for a "friends with benefits" relationship. I have two children and want something a bit more 'settled'. I just find it very difficult to progress, as I don't want to start introducing any Tom, Dick or Harry to my little family. I suppose that's my problem though, and not his.
I thought everything was done and dusted, and that we'd both realised it wasn't really going anywhere, until he came round a couple of days ago. One minute he says he's ready to settle down, and then the next he's ignoring me and saying he's "too young" and just wants to have fun.
Well, we all know what "fun" means!
My house is within walking distance of his mate, who drops him off after work.
Sometimes I'm sure he just comes round at that time so he's got somewhere to sleep and doesn't have to think about getting home - which is ten/20 miles away.
I wouldn't say I'm "hooked". Slightly 'in lust', maybe.
He is a complete 'lad', which I thought I quite liked, but it's proved to be a bit of a pain in the arse.
Sometimes I'm sure he just comes round at that time so he's got somewhere to sleep and doesn't have to think about getting home - which is ten/20 miles away.
I wouldn't say I'm "hooked". Slightly 'in lust', maybe.
He is a complete 'lad', which I thought I quite liked, but it's proved to be a bit of a pain in the arse.
Lol PP. I was imagining you saying that with your finger pointing towards me... and ending the conversation with "you go girlfriend"! :))
I have just text him and said I don't want to keep seeing him. I've said my life is complicated enough as it is, and it's not fair on him.
He'll probably reply next week some time...
I have just text him and said I don't want to keep seeing him. I've said my life is complicated enough as it is, and it's not fair on him.
He'll probably reply next week some time...
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