Getting Over Someone...

[Sasha13]

OK, any hard and fast rules for forgetting about an ex? Tried the 'going out drinking and getting slaughtered' thing, tried the 'meaningless relationships thing'. Any other ideas when you can't get someone out of your head and just keep thinking if only...??? I'd really appreciate some reponses from people that have done it... gone on to have amazing relationships after thinking they'd never meet anyone like the ex and they were destined to have to settle for 'second best' Thanks x

[HAnn521]

Sasha...that is me- without the 'second best'! I got over my ex quicker than I ever thought I would in the beginning and about a year after our break-up, I met the MOST obviously great guy for me...and I wonder now everyday why I ever thought my ex was right for me!?We had been together for 3 years, when bluntly put, my ex decided he "didn't have feelings for me anymore"....

My "5 most important things to remember" list:

1. Don't dwell on him! If you're broken up, it has happened for a good reason! Why would you want to be with someone if they don't want to be with you right?

2. Have fun and stay busy - keep your mind off of him! BUT don't make mistakes you'll regret later! i.e.one-night stands, drunken parties, random flings, etc...

3. Be Patient! It's so true that when you finally feel like you've been waiting forever and no one as great will come along...that's when you'll meet the greatest guy for you, someone who was truly worth your wait.

4. Use this time wisely! After my break-up with my ex, I used my newly acquired ME-time to start doing new things...such as volunteering for my local animal shelter, working a part-time job for my resume & experience, gaining new friendships and improving my school-work (I was still in college) and most importantly, becoming more independent! I look back now and I am SO glad I utilized my time for those things!

5. Believe! I am a firm believer that even though you think you've found the best and lost him...you have no idea how much better it can be! and it will get better...a great man will come to you...just believe in yourself...and good luck!

Besides...if your ex is anything like mine, he'll realize what a mistake he's made and want to come back...mine did...but I am so proud of myself for saying no and making the right, stand-up decision to turn him away! I knew I deserved better...and now I have it!!

[lindapinda]

Sasha13,it will work out for you.HAnn521 gave really good advice,and I would just say that sometimes seemingly ideal relationships break up for reasons that we don't understand at the time.We can  be heartbroken and think we'll never meet anyone else better,but when you least expect it,that's when they appear! That's the way it was for me,and my best friend also!

[chazza]

I would say talk to your friends about the split as much as possible, bottling things up makes it 10 times worse!  If they are sick listening to you, write it all down in a diary or letter that you never send.

 

Get out with your friends/family and keep busy.  Take your mind off things by going out, maybe taking on a part time job or a small project like an evening class.

 

Don't have a rebound fling, you will regret it and the other person may get hurt.

 

Resist the urge to phone him, or try and bump into him, it will only be more painful especially if you see him with someone else!

[Englishbird]

www.datingdirect.com  :o) there's so much more out there honey xx

[kazzee69]

Don't expect it to happen. If you sit around waiting for it chances are the wait will seem the longest time of your life. When I first met my boyfriend 5 years ago he was so depressed and low. He was underweight and went out drowing his sorrows everynight. He barely ate either. His girlfriend of 3 years had broken up with him 8 months before I met him and he was still heart broken. He was still friends with her which I think made it worse beacuse she 'didn't want him but didn't want anyone else to have him' and used to give him false hope. Me and him became good friends and we would go out and have a laugh together and not long after we both fell in love with eachother and became official. His ex didn't like this and went mad and told my boyfriend that she wanted him back but he realised then she had been messing him around for the last 8 moths and he was ready to move on. We have been together 4 and 1/2 years now and are living together. He isn't just my boyfriend, he is my best friend.

[JoCannon]

Hi Sasha,
I felt like that 2 months ago after splitting up with my ex (I got so much positive advice from people on AB it was brilliant, esp Marge B and Englishbird). I have since met someone (I know it is really really soon, but I have known him for years) who makes me 1,000 times happier than my ex ever did, something I thought 2 months ago was NO WAY EVER possible (as I thouhg at the time it couldn't possibly be better). I was convinced when we split I was destined to settle for second best or end up a sad old lady surrounded by cats with regular visits from meals on wheels.
Time is a healer and admittedly I have moved on incredibly fast, but you never appreciate the beauty of what is waiting for you round the corner until you actually get there. I'm happier now than I have ever been.
Good luck and chin up kiddo x

[Paddymanc]

heart broken 5 years ago, married last week to a much better model (in all ways!)...get your confidence back first, do different things / hobbies, read and gennerally keep busy....

[hannahjo]

I agree with everyone else! I�ve been there too, and hurt like hell for 8 months, then one day I realised that I was tired of feeling like that and that by moping after this guy who didn�t want me I was the one making myself �second best�. My advice is: distance yourself from this person � seeing them will only bring back old feelings. Hang on in there and I promise you it will get better, maybe not as soon as you�d like, but it WILL happen!

I�m now in a really happy and steady relationship, and looking back on my ex I cant believe I moped after him for so long! Give yourself time and its amazing how your feelings heal and move on.

[Sasha13]

Thanks for all your answers guys, they've given me some hope! I've been involved with this bloke on and off (more off) for two years, and at the moment can't ever imagine not thinking about him or wishing I was with him - in the past we've seen each other regularly, as his sister is one of my best friends, and would usually get into some conversation about how we felt about each other. I've been upfront and told him that I'm in love with him, but he says he can't tell me how he feels about me (not won't tell me) Not sure why that is. All I know now is that I don't want to feel like this anymore and you've given me some ideas as to how I can go about achieving this... thanks everyone.