Depression

[ck1]

I just finished reading 'we need to talk about Kevin' (amazing book...in my opinion), got me thinking about people with depression, obviously there are a lot of medicines and therapies to help with this but are some people just generally dissatisfied with life and no amount of drugs or counselling can cure this 'disease' for them, or is it really just a chemical imbalance which when corrected will give everybody a positive outlook?

[andy-hughes]

It's not quite as simple as that ck1.

Some people suffer from 'clinical depression' which is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, which can be corrected with medication.

Others suffer from 'reactive depression' which as the name suggests, is triggered by a trauma which may not manifest itself until years after the event, and the event may well be hidden by the subconcious mind so the sifferer is unaware of it.

The scond can compound instances of the first.

So there are people who suffer from a medical condition which requires treatment either chemical or theraputic, or a combination of the two.

Of course there are people who simply live life with their glass half-empty and there is no 'cure' for that - it is simply the human condition. Some people have a negative mindset and tend to hug misfortune as an old friend because their mind tells them that this is what they deserve.

The problem with Depression is the name - it infers 'being depressed' which it is not.

Being 'depressed' is part of the way the mind functions, almost everyone has bad days, which are balanced by better and good days.

Having Depression is an entirely different concept, and is a debilitating and life-threatening - and on occasion life-taking - condition which does not respond to looking forward to tomorrow when hopefully things will be better.

Hope this helps.

[tiggerblue10]

I've had depression and come through it. Lots of negative things were having an effect on my life at the time which led to it. I still have a few problems but I am now a lot happier with my life.

[lcg]

andy - some people suffer from both. my DH had a horrendous childhood and adolescence and truly does not like himself or trust anybody else. he lives a solitary existence as a result and requires medication to suffer through life. the chemicals help a little bit, but no amount of therapy (10 years and counting) will undo the damage that was done to him.

[andy-hughes]

lcg - I am so sorry to read that.

There really is no limit to the damage we can do to ourselves, or have inflicted on us.

[sandyRoe]

There's existential angst and there's clinical depression. I believe an abusive childhood can set you up for a very unhappy life and there's not much that medication or counselling can do about it.

[lcg]

that's ok andy.....i look after him and provide him with as much 'normality' as he can handle! we met when we were 16 and 18 respectively and i knew he was the one for me at that first moment......but what i didn't know then was how damaged he was. i can't even begin to explain all the pain and heartache he still experiences 20 years on. we have certainly had some 'interesting' periods in our marriage, but bless him, he does try ;-)

[andy-hughes]

lcg - i think your husband is very lucky to have you, and i am sure that in his lucid times, he understands that.

One of the major problems with depression, and the self-loathing it engenders, is the belief that if the sufferer cannot love, or even like himseld, then is certainly unworthy of the time and love of anyone else. That means the sufferer can devote serious amounts of time to trying to make the rest of the human race hate him as much as he hates himself, because in his world, that is what he deserves.

It means that living with someone who spends inordinate amounts of time pushing you away and trying to hurt you enough not to come back, is extremely difficult.

It takes a very special person to see through the illness to the person underneath, and to get past the hostility and take the occasional moments of 'normality' - as brief as they are sweet.

[jakep]

Andy that has deeply touched me and made me cry.
Although I have some good days, the pain and self loathing never leave.
lcg - just wow

[andy-hughes]

jakep - thank you for your kind words.

I balance the fact that my post made you cry with the positive that you know I understand how it works - and I always take comfort from anyone who can empathise.

I never mind anyone not knowing what depression is about - far more don't than do, and amen to that - but i seriously mind people who act as though they do understand because they went through what they perceive as a 'bad time' and think it equates to this life-shattering condition.

I am not trying to establish bragging rights here - my understanding is the result of experiences i would not wish on anyone, and would give anything not to have lived through, but the important thing is that i did, and o live through them, and that is what matters.

I certainly appreciate my life and its good times far more for having fought very hard to win and keep them - as I am sure you do too.

[friedgreentomato]

I find that the people you least expect to suffer from depression do suffer.

I also think that there are so many different types of depression that you cannot tar everyone with the same brush!

[andy-hughes]

fiedgreentomato - that is a common comment - and it has a very simple basis.

Anyone who suffers from depression learns to hide the symptoms very quickly and well - because the attention and interest is far too painful. It's not so much being seen 'naked' - even by family and loved ones, it is as if you are being seen with no skin on your soul - the exposure is as deep and painful as that.

So yoou develop a mask of 'normality' and the deeper the depression goes, the thicker the mask becomes until being 'normal' becomes a reflex action that you put ion place when you open your eyes in a morning.

That is why so many suicides are seen as 'the last person i would have thought of ...' - that simply means their defences worked - and you didn't see the 'real' person because they didn't want you to see them, and they made very sure that you didn't.

That is why people who feel guilt after the suicide of a loved one or friend, should not feel so.

There was nothing you could have done, your lost soul was beyond your help, and beyond finding it even if it was there. You could not have saved them, you did no wrong by not seeing past their 'image' - you do not have the skills to see, so don't blame yoursef at all.

If i ever succomb, and you never know, I hope no-one feels I was brave, or cowardly, i was neither of those - i was just - finally - desparate enough.

[lcg]

andy....you are a sweetie. but i didn't do anything special, just learnt to understand that it's not me he dislikes, but life! i also think that is why i became a psych nurse...my DH and my own experiences with depression do truly make me understand what my patients are going through.....and i have the patience of a saint! i feel very comfortable in the company of anyone with a mental health problem and always take the time to listen - something which is not always attended to properly in the 'system'. it really is that simple x

[Connemmara]

Wish there were more of you and that is to icg and Andy-Hughes - for trying to comprehend this mysterious illness. As has been said - depression masks so much of a person. Nobody can go inside another's head.

[wolf63]

It is nice that people now talk about Depression instead of hiding the illness. It is nothing to be ashamed of

[pusskin]

I've never admitted to being depressed many times over the years.
i find myself just staying quiet, not ringing or phoning anyone and just shut myself off, and when anyone rings i always say. Oh I'm fine thanks. Typical.
depression is a truly horrible thing and it feels like you've got a blanket over your head untill the mist clears. I sympathise with all depression sufferers.

[pixie373]

I agree with Andy completely. Just wanted to add it can be hereditary too.