My Husband Has Just Told Me Our Marriage Is Over!

[Traci66]

He is a recovering alcoholic and also being treated for depression. (All details of the following can be seen in previous posts). Over the past two months we have got two new granddaughters, his son, father of one of them has been in and out of prison. Tomorrow my grandson is supposed to be coming to stay with us for a week, (two weeks ago I had to report his mother, my daughter, for abusing drugs) my daughter was planning on coming to our house to drop off said grandson with her boyfriend. On being told this husband went ballistic and said he didn't want her anywhere near, she wouldn't be allowed in.

In the past we have had to call police several times to remove his son from our premises, for being violent, (he has thrown horseshoes etc at OH and threatened to knife me) but still I make an effort to welcome him no matter what he's done. When daughter said she was dropping grandson off with her boyfriend OH said no way would she be allowed in. This really got my back up considering all the effort I make with his children (though I really love his daughter to bits).

My OH has seemed really down for the last couple of weeks but has refused to see his doctor, I am really now at the end of my tether and wondering wether I should just take off (but at the same time terrified that he will make another suicide attempt that this time will be successful) or just carry on trying to talk to him, he's refusing to listen to me, (I would only go to his daughter, which seems unfair as she only gave birth just over three weeks ago) or just try some more to talk with him.

What do you think?

[Traci66]

Actually not just, about three hours ago!

[pixie373]

You've had such a difficult time with him. He didn't continue to drink after the last episode? It may be worth encouraging him to move out, even temporarily, as i don't think he's responding to you at all. Make it clear he can still contact you. (if you're ok with that) so he doesn't feel it's the end of the world. But i think you need to make him seeing his doctor a condition of him ever moving back x

[Peter Pedant]

O God Tracy I hope it gets better
I would try more talk

[ummmm]

I think you are very kind, understanding and patient.

Decide what you want for 'you'

[Traci66]

Pixie he's been refusing to see his doctor, Peter I've been trying, hence me coming on here.

[tonyav]

Blimey Traci you are in between a rock and a hard place aren't you, I should try talking some more with him if I were you, hopefully he will see sense. If he doesn't then start thinking about moving out, you have my sympathy with this Traci, best of look to you and I hope it works out.

[tonyav]

Luck not look.

[Traci66]

Ummmm, despite everything, I really do love him.

[Mamyalynne]

Well although you have a huge amount wrapped up in this relationship, it may be time to wonder if you have done all you can now. As Ummmm says we sometimes have to think of ourselves or go mad in the process.

Whatever your decision, I wish you well - plenty ready support here as you know.

Take care ♥

[Sqad]

\\\\\My Husband Has Just Told Me Our Marriage Is Over!\\\

Then it most certainly will be. It takes a lot of courage to tell the OH those words and it usually is ...the last word.

Sounds like the "family from hell."

I agree with ummmm...sort yourself out.

[Mamyalynne]

I don't doubt for a moment that you love him and am sure you tell him often, very hard times.

[gness]

Traci...I am so sorry you are having all this. I am useless at telling people what to do...but never slow to say what I would do. Unpopular though it might be.
I would never stay in a struggling and unhappy relationship. I don't feel responsible for other people....they make their own life.
If I didn't truly believe it could become good I would go. It is a little life we have and I would never live it on tenterhooks or unhappily if I had a way of changing it.
If the person who was making me unhappy threatened suicide...so be it. It's their choice.

I do wish you well and happiness...Love Gx

[pixie373]

I know, traci, but I'm really not sure you'll get anywhere with him in his current mindset. I would suggest having a break, a bit of space for yourself. If he changes his mind, then tell him you won't consider it until he has seen a doctor (ultimatum, i suppose). I know you love him, but you could go round in circles forever, if he won't help.

[ummmm]

Traci - if you truly love him then you're not going to be happy without him.

[Sqad]

\\\\Traci - if you truly love him then you're not going to be happy without him.\\\

True.....but she better get used to that........cause he is going.

[Psybbo]

Tracie, my heart goes out to you, talking may well be over for now. the next move is up to you - a cooling off period would probably be best and maybe look after grandson at your daughter's house? Take care xx

[sandyRoe]

Could he be in a particularly maudlin mood? Alcoholics are manipulative and he'll hardly walk away from the support that he finds at home.

[Traci66]

I am in bits over this, he has been really down for a while now, but as I said refuses to see his doctor, he's even asking things out on the dog, his aught er has said that she noticed things weren't right with him when we went to see her yesterday, this is so heart destroying.

[Traci66]

Daughter ^^

[jno]

I find myself agreeing with ummmm and Mamya: it sounds like time to put yourself first, before all this hassle wears you out completely. I don't normally advocate ending relationships at the drop of a hat, but this one sounds pretty toxic, at least toxic to you. And having to worry about your daughter too isn't helping.

I think I'd be tempted to go on a retreat somewhere (for weeks rather than days) and think hard about what I most wanted in life and the price I was prepared to pay. It sounds like the price you are paying for having a family is way over the odds.