Advice Please...

[2sp_]

My former sister-in-law's mother has just suddenly died. I was quite close to my ex-SIL when she was married to my brother, but after a very ugly divorce I just didn't see her as I felt my loyalty should be to him. Saying that, I didn't take sides.

They divorced about 8 years or so ago, and I have bumped into her on quite a few occasions and it's been lovely to have a wee catch up. She even came to my dad's funeral 5 years ago.

I have sent her a message on Facebook (not my ideal method of communicating my sympathy, but I have no other contact details for her), and she did reply thanking me for getting in touch.

Now, I would like to reply to say that if she needs anything or I can do anything to help that she just has to get in touch. As I say, we were very close at one point, and I know she must be devastated.

Do you think I should just leave it? Would it be a bit weird? My brother is no longer in my life, so there wouldn't be an issue there.

[jno]

no, go right ahead. She may not feel any need for help; then again, she may be upset and in need of some comfort. Offers of sympathy are never unwelcome and never weird.

[ummmm]

I can't see what harm it would do.

In times of grief it's comforting to know people are thinking about you.

[2sp_]

Thanks, jno and ummmm.

I know that when my own dad died, I was comforted by anyone reaching out to me, regardless of how well I knew them.

I just wondered if it would be weird as I'm her ex-sister-in-law.

[Sqad]

I think that jno's advice is the right one....but ME?.....I would just leave it.

She will be "knee deep" in "if you need anything" advice.

[ummmm]

If everyone thought like that, Sqad, she'd be getting no 'if you need anything'

[woofgang]

no its not weird and I would do it. I had a lot of offers like that when I lost DH and while I took up very few of them it was a great comfort to know how many people cared.

[2sp_]

Thanks for all your answers.

I know she will hear endless offers of "help and support" from all sorts of people, but I think I'd rather offer than say nothing.

I'll get in touch with her again.

xx

[Brinjal]

Definitely get in touch she will appreciate it and life is too short for ill feeling

[2sp_]

I've messaged her back just to say that if she needs anything, etc...

That's the thing Brinjal, there's no ill feeling between us at all. I think I just didn't want to be a reminder to her about her marriage to my brother. Especially now.

[boxtops]

2sp, it's not weird at all. It's the other way round, but I have a much better relationship with my ex-SIL now that I'm no longer married to her brother. Make the offer - then leave it a while, contact her again in a couple of months' time when things are easier.

[Ric.ror]

Why don't you message her on Facebook for her address then send her a card and take it from there
People don't remember these days how nice it is to receive a card or letter through the post
Much Nicer than an email